Distance helps, but with a caveat.

We see the closest parent a few times a month, for an afternoon or a quick overnight.

We see the farther parent that we get along with 3-4 times a year, for a few days at a time.

We see the totally dysfunctional parent who lives across the country about twice a decade. Usually just get together at a restaurant for dinner when we happen to be in their town for other reasons. Haven't had a multi-day visit with that parent in about 20 years.

So the trick is to avoid falling in to the trap of spending a whole week together, because it's a long trip and you only do it once a year. I find short frequent visits to be less invasive than spending a week in their home, or them in mine. Our relationship with parent #1 actually improved when we moved closer together, because we can keep visits short and sweet. But there is no way I could handle more frequent visits with parent #3, and they would be totally overbearing if they lived nearby. Parent #1 is ok with giving us some space.

My parents are both deceased. I would see them several times a month pre-kids and then after kids almost every week. My ex MIL, about the same but she's also deceased now. I miss my parents and ex MIL.

My in laws live an hour away and we see them almost every weekend. We take turns going to them or then coming to us and in both cases, we visit for a few hours usually have lunch together and then whoever traveled for the visit goes back home. So it is about 1/2 a day each weekend.

My parents live 12 hr drive or 2 hr plane ride away and we see them usually 4-5x per year for a week at a time. We go to them 2x a year and they come to us 2x a year and then we meet somewhere else 1x a year for a family vacation w my parents and my siblings and their families.

1-2 times a month. I wish more. They live an hour away so it’s not too far but they will never come to me and I can only handle so many 2hr rd trips on weekends each month.

We see my parents once a week, sometimes slightly more. I much prefer short, frequent visits to 3-5 day visits a few times a year.

In favor of frequent visits -
Grandparents are up to date on the kids lives, their likes and dislikes.
Kids are comfortable with grandparents just being around. When visits were rare the grandparents would hover and smother the kids with attention.
Everyone sleeps in their own bed. No one is forced to spend days away from home.
If a visit is ever going poorly, you can leave due to a tired kid or a headache and just drive home.
Local family is easy to incorporate into daily life like kids’ sports or school events - instead of planing special outings or playing tourist in your own town.

My in-laws live an hour away and I think it’s the perfect distance. It’s far enough that we need to coordinate seeing them, but close enough there are never any overnight visits. Not needing to have breakfast with people REALLY HELPS.

My mom is 15 minutes away and we see her weekly. Sometimes it’s for 20 minutes and sometimes for longer. Just depends.

Distance helps. Early in the marriage I would see each side an average of 4-6 times per year. It was split how often we would travel to see them or they would come see us. It was a strain on our marriage since both sides could be difficult.

Two decades later I see my side about 1-2 times per year, often one time. They moved much farther away and rarely come see us. It’s harder for us to go by plane to see them with the now teen kids but we do it in the summer.

I have not seen my IL’s in many years. They stopped driving to see us a long time ago. With their medical issues, DH makes the trip several times per year to help coordinate care with his siblings and visit. He tries to take the kids for a weekend once per year to see their grandparents but often those trips are postponed several times because of their medical issues. It’s a lot for them to have teens around now, even well behaved ones. Every time I have planned on going with them the trip was cancelled. It’s a day to get there by car and no good flying options in their small town.

ILs in Chicago, we see them 2 times a year (we go there twice a year, they come to us twice a year). My mom is dead and my dad is in a nursing home 30 min away. I visit 1-2 a month and pay someone else to visit 2x a week.

Distance definitely helps.

Daily or every few days, since the kids were born. Before kids maybe once every week or two.

In laws: Almost daily. They live 15 minutes away and drop by unannounced all the time, let themselves into our house with a key that they made for themselves without asking, DH is always delegating tasks to them, they stop by to go to the bathroom at our house, MIL leaves FIL at our house for us to "watch" him while she runs errands, they walk upstairs and enter the master bedroom (will usually knock), they stay at our vacation house, DH invites them on trips with us, they order our nanny around without talking to us first, they use our attic as their extra storage. There are no boundaries. Do not recommend. My SIL and BIL moved away to save their marriage (SIL was going bananas).

My parents: 2-3 times a year for very short amounts of time each visit. They live a 2 hour plane ride away.

^ both sides are many states away (think 10-12 hour drive or a plane ride)

We see each side of the family at least four times a year. We either vacation together or have longer visits (four days to a couple weeks depending on who is traveling).

We are all very close and love each other very much. I’d love to see my parents more often, would absolutely love if they were local.

For the in laws I do think a healthy separation is a good thing and helps to maintain both boundaries and affection!