Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it would be a lie to say you haven’t had a drink in a month. The fact that you feel a need to lie about it your drinking is a red flag, even if you managed that one drink without obvious issues

It's this kind of black and white thinking that discourages people.

Unlike the OP, I had/have a drinking problem. I can't tell you what a relief it was when I was trying to go alcohol free to be told if I cut back to 10 drinks a week vs. 30 drinks a week that I shouldn't discount that because it was progress. Not my goal, but progress. And to keep coming back and working on the program I am on. The point is the learning. I'm on day 28 with no drinks at all now.

OP, what is your goal? Is it to rarely drink? Only on special occasions? Two a week? Or none? I'd frame your behavior around your goal. And your goal can change over time. If nursing one beer in 30 days leads to a progression back to everyday drinking then you may need to reassess, but that doesn't sound like where you are at.

Kudos to you!

Respectfully, I think you are the person who is engaging in black and white thinking. If OP has to pretend that 1 drink = no drinks in order to feel good, then that's black and white thinking of a different sort. Everyone said that OP is doing great. It's not even clear that OP wants or needs to stop drinking entirely. If you are trying to stop drinking and you go from 30 drinks/week to 10 drinks/week, that is fantastic. However, if you have to pretend that 10 drinks = 0 drinks or it doesn't count, then I will disagree with that assertion. I don't think it's helpful and might even be harmful because it means that you think progress doesn't count as anything. If you believe that, then why even stop at 10, you may as well go all the way up to 30, right?

I'm reading this as OP essentially asking how best to quantify/measure a goal, rather than OP asking about whether they have a drinking problem.

IF OP's goal is to not drink at all, then I would say that the measurement timeline would start over. (it's still very good, so OP should be pleased with themselves for not drinking for a month.)

However, IF OP's plan really is to still be someone who can "have a glass of wine at a steakhouse, or a beer at a super bowl party" then they might want to build in 1-2 drinks/month as part of the goal measurement process. The problem with this approach is that it takes more thought/energy to track - it's a lot of headspace to put towards just 1-2 drinks/month. It might be a lot easier to just not drink at all. But it all really depends on what OP's goal is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand how you would “stand out if you didn’t have a beer in your hand.” That’s an excuse, not a reality.

I don’t walk around parties and demand to know if that’s a regular Coke or a Jack and Coke that someone is drinking; I don’t sniff a bubbly clear beverage to see if it is Sprite or a G&T or sparking water.

Like, come on. And if someone did ask you, you can say, “I’m not drinking tonight” or “I’m doing a diet reset” or “I have a bit of a headache” or any direct response or excuse you like. What are they going to do, throw you out. If they push it, ask them why they care that you are not drinking. That will shut them up.

But really, no one cares—don’t think that’s a good excuse. Drink or don’t drink, but own it.

It’s not really that simple. We’re all big boys and girls, we can see when somebody is at the bar and they’re sipping seltzer or coke when they used to partake and throw back a few drinks. Sure, everyone is entitled to drink what they want. But sometimes people don’t want to deal with having to explain or have if other judge. You can take the “hey who cares what others think” approach, but we’re not trying to teach a teenager a lesson on peer pressure here. Maybe OP wants to be the person who can have fun having only 1 beer!

This is yet again people thinking—wrongly—that the world revolves around them and that everyone is paying close attention to you at all times. I swear, if I order a vodka soda, splash of cranberry vs. cranberry soda, nobody can tell. And yeah, if someone does press it, you can look them in the eye and say, “What’s it to you?” If you can’t muster the spine to do that if needed, you may as well stay home because you are apparently very fragile.

What troubles me about your post is that you seem to have let the opinions (or your fear of them) of others “drive you to drink,” so to speak. Drinking or not drinking needs to be a free choice.

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand how you would “stand out if you didn’t have a beer in your hand.” That’s an excuse, not a reality.

I don’t walk around parties and demand to know if that’s a regular Coke or a Jack and Coke that someone is drinking; I don’t sniff a bubbly clear beverage to see if it is Sprite or a G&T or sparking water.

Like, come on. And if someone did ask you, you can say, “I’m not drinking tonight” or “I’m doing a diet reset” or “I have a bit of a headache” or any direct response or excuse you like. What are they going to do, throw you out. If they push it, ask them why they care that you are not drinking. That will shut them up.

But really, no one cares—don’t think that’s a good excuse. Drink or don’t drink, but own it.

It’s not really that simple. We’re all big boys and girls, we can see when somebody is at the bar and they’re sipping seltzer or coke when they used to partake and throw back a few drinks. Sure, everyone is entitled to drink what they want. But sometimes people don’t want to deal with having to explain or have if other judge. You can take the “hey who cares what others think” approach, but we’re not trying to teach a teenager a lesson on peer pressure here. Maybe OP wants to be the person who can have fun having only 1 beer!

Honestly, each day is anew day, and this is a process. If it made you uneasy to nurse a beer then just refrain from doing that next time. You’re learning as you go.

I would plan something to say in social situations. It can be very low-key, like “I’m not going to drink tonight” or a simple “no thank you.” So many people do “dry” months, etc; I doubt anyone would think anything of it.

I really don’t understand how you would “stand out if you didn’t have a beer in your hand.” That’s an excuse, not a reality.

I don’t walk around parties and demand to know if that’s a regular Coke or a Jack and Coke that someone is drinking; I don’t sniff a bubbly clear beverage to see if it is Sprite or a G&T or sparking water.

Like, come on. And if someone did ask you, you can say, “I’m not drinking tonight” or “I’m doing a diet reset” or “I have a bit of a headache” or any direct response or excuse you like. What are they going to do, throw you out. If they push it, ask them why they care that you are not drinking. That will shut them up.

But really, no one cares—don’t think that’s a good excuse. Drink or don’t drink, but own it.

I recently stopped drinking on weekdays. I had been drinking a couple of glasses of wine a night and realized it was too much. It was surprisingly easy to make the change--I thought I would miss the evening ritual way more than I did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it would be a lie to say you haven’t had a drink in a month. The fact that you feel a need to lie about it your drinking is a red flag, even if you managed that one drink without obvious issues

It's this kind of black and white thinking that discourages people.

Unlike the OP, I had/have a drinking problem. I can't tell you what a relief it was when I was trying to go alcohol free to be told if I cut back to 10 drinks a week vs. 30 drinks a week that I shouldn't discount that because it was progress. Not my goal, but progress. And to keep coming back and working on the program I am on. The point is the learning. I'm on day 28 with no drinks at all now.

OP, what is your goal? Is it to rarely drink? Only on special occasions? Two a week? Or none? I'd frame your behavior around your goal. And your goal can change over time. If nursing one beer in 30 days leads to a progression back to everyday drinking then you may need to reassess, but that doesn't sound like where you are at.

Kudos to you!

I 100% with everything in your post, except the first line. No one said that it wasn’t a big accomplishment for OP to limit herself to one drink. Reading between the lines, I strongly suspect it was and think OP should be proud of it. The only issue being take is with OP wanting to essentially say that one DEI k doesn’t count by claiming she hasn’t been drinking for that entire period. Making exceptions and excuses for a drink here or there “doesn’t count” can be a slippery slope that takes OP right back to where she started, because there can also be an excuse for why something “doesn’t count.” If OP’s goal is to keep her drinking to a reasonable level and OP did that, then OP should celebrate that accomplishment. If the goal is to stop drinking entirely, OP can and should be proud that she is making progress. Being honest with herself doesn’t undermine what she’s achieved, it reinforces it.

OP, I agree that your concern over whether this one counts is a little concerning. I agree that you're doing great, just as you are.

A couple of phrases that you can trot out if you feel like you need to "count" or explain to people.

"Oh, thanks, I'm not drinking much these days."

"I'd love a soda or seltzer."

"I'm on a break from alcohol. Hey, do you want to go check out the food table?"

Anonymous wrote:OP, it would be a lie to say you haven’t had a drink in a month. The fact that you feel a need to lie about it your drinking is a red flag, even if you managed that one drink without obvious issues

It's this kind of black and white thinking that discourages people.

Unlike the OP, I had/have a drinking problem. I can't tell you what a relief it was when I was trying to go alcohol free to be told if I cut back to 10 drinks a week vs. 30 drinks a week that I shouldn't discount that because it was progress. Not my goal, but progress. And to keep coming back and working on the program I am on. The point is the learning. I'm on day 28 with no drinks at all now.

OP, what is your goal? Is it to rarely drink? Only on special occasions? Two a week? Or none? I'd frame your behavior around your goal. And your goal can change over time. If nursing one beer in 30 days leads to a progression back to everyday drinking then you may need to reassess, but that doesn't sound like where you are at.

Kudos to you!

Agree with immediate poster above.


The question also becomes why you had to act like you were drinking at all. I’m terms of your family/friends, if the pressure is there to drink- at some point you can come forward and say when offered, “no, I’m good.” Or “I’d love a water.” And you will have to talk to them in a way you are comfortable and true to yourself. Taking a break from alcohol is totally fine to do- and people who have a problem with it really are uncomfortable about their own relationship with alcohol. If your drinking freaks them out- that is NOT your problem. But they are your people to deal with at a party- turn it around on them, be vague, compare it to being a vegetarian or carb free which people celebrate and support. If only people treated alcohol the same way.

You’re not trying to tell anyone else what to do- you just do you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s great that you were able to nurses a beer. Just do not make the mistake of thinking you can nurse a beer more often….or have two beers. Or three.

I think you can say you have been diligent the entire time and should be very, very proud of your self.

I’m one of the PP’s who thinks the way OP phrased it isn’t truthful and I like this a lot. I think there’s value in being proud of what was actually accomplished without having to resort to twisting what happened into something else. Agree that OP is doing great, the one drink didn’t derail the process and there’s no need to pretend it didn’t happen, which is how I interpreted OP’s original post.

Agreed. The only troubling part of ops post is the desire to lie. Don't lie (to yourself, to others) and you're doing great!

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s great that you were able to nurses a beer. Just do not make the mistake of thinking you can nurse a beer more often….or have two beers. Or three.

I think you can say you have been diligent the entire time and should be very, very proud of your self.

I’m one of the PP’s who thinks the way OP phrased it isn’t truthful and I like this a lot. I think there’s value in being proud of what was actually accomplished without having to resort to twisting what happened into something else. Agree that OP is doing great, the one drink didn’t derail the process and there’s no need to pretend it didn’t happen, which is how I interpreted OP’s original post.

I think it’s great that you were able to nurses a beer. Just do not make the mistake of thinking you can nurse a beer more often….or have two beers. Or three.

I think you can say you have been diligent the entire time and should be very, very proud of your self.