Anonymous wrote:Just be gracious. And part of being gracious is not to judge. So many on DCUM try to find fault. Just say, "thank you."

Unless you have experience with the giver pressing you for proof that the gift was used as they wanted -- unless this is your experience, don't think the worst of people!

It is not polite to claim to give a gift and then try to control it. You can accept it, say thank you and ignore her wishes. I would not lie if she asks though. I would just say you used it for something else and if it upsets her then she can chose not to give again. You could also clarify. You could say "thanks for the generous gift. I don't need strawberries, but I know just what I'll use it for." If she says "You MUST get strawberries" then you politely decline the gift because you cannot fulfill the request. "no thank you" is perfectly appropriate and you don't enter a web of lies. Some people have very small worlds and will obsess over controlling a gift so much they will drive you nuts. It's not worth it for $20 to have to keep telling aunt Edna about those amazing strawberries. If "thank you" is not enough then it's not a gift, it's a string.

Just be gracious. And part of being gracious is not to judge. So many on DCUM try to find fault. Just say, "thank you."

Unless you have experience with the giver pressing you for proof that the gift was used as they wanted -- unless this is your experience, don't think the worst of people!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not. The gift giver can choose to give you flowers or strawberries or cash. They chose to give you cash, and it is yours to spend as you like.

Oh, gosh. This sounds dreadfully immature. Surely you can show some gratitude and be pleasant when you're the recipient of a gift, can't you?

Gratitude isn’t incompatible with boundaries. OP sounds grateful, but she isn’t required to buy what the donor wants where it’s not desired.

Re-read my post. I didn't say she had to buy what the giver wanted. I was only pointing out that she doesn't have to be rude and slam it in the giver's face. Thank you, Uncle Larlo, for thinking of us! Some of you were raised by wolves, apparently.

NP. The reason you seem to think so many people were raised by wolves is that you have poor reading comprehension abilities. You should learn to read better before you respond on a public forum. As you can see, all those who are responding to you think you are wrong.

I’m going to assume this is someone elderly, and I could see my MIL, who is. Or particularly mobile, doing something like this and I would translate it to mean “I’d like to buy you flowers/your kid strawberries, but am not physically capable of doing so myself, so here’s some cash to get that thing for yourself the next time you go to the store.” And then say thank you in response. If my kids actually want strawberries, then I would buy some. If I’d like the flowers, I’d buy them. But if my kids don’t actually eat strawberries or I don’t want flowers, I’d graciously decline and say why (kids don’t eat them, flowers just die so I don’t like to buy them, whatever) and I’d still say thank you. If they just kept insisting, then I’d get something else i/kids wanted (stand still say thank you).

If this is a perfectly capable younger person, I’d just decline.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These aren’t gifts , they are directives. Normal gift acceptance rules don’t apply. The next time this relative hands you a $20 bill with instructions on what to get just politely decline.

NP. And use this Sheldon line from Big Bang Theory- "You're not giving me a gift, you're giving me an obligation."

New poster. Sheldon nails it. This not only applies to OP, but it applies to every gift my mother or sister have ever given which is why I stopped accepting. I think though with $20, you simply say thank you and do as you please. If the person obsesses over it, stop accepting and say sorry I don't have time for demands. If it's a gift that is fine, but a demand I cannot accept.

Anonymous wrote:These aren’t gifts , they are directives. Normal gift acceptance rules don’t apply. The next time this relative hands you a $20 bill with instructions on what to get just politely decline.

NP. And use this Sheldon line from Big Bang Theory- "You're not giving me a gift, you're giving me an obligation."

OP, I think the reason they do this is they think its more personal. It's slightly more personal (in their mind) than just sending you money. They are expressing that they have given the gift some thought (though it's tiny). Sort of .. if I had the time/ability/ease of doing it ... I would be buying you this. It's to show they are more engaged than just sending money.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you keep taking the money, OP, if you have no intention of using it for the intended purpose?

+1

Why do you keep taking the money, OP, if you have no intention of using it for the intended purpose?

If this is a person who is not computer savvy and maybe doesn't drive anymore, I think you're being a bit mean. Those of us who a fluent with internet purchasing or have the time and means to run to shops can buy strawberries or fresh flowers and give them to a recipient. This person sounds like the aren't like that though, but they want to communicate to you that this is what they'd like for you to have. I actually think it's sort of sweet. Not sure why everyone has to read it as controlling.

These aren’t gifts , they are directives. Normal gift acceptance rules don’t apply. The next time this relative hands you a $20 bill with instructions on what to get just politely decline.

I personally wouldn't accept cash for a specific purpose if I had no intention of using it for that. I would just say "no thanks, I don't buy cut flowers" (I don't, I generally they're wasteful/messy, although they are pretty).

I think if you are regularly taking money from this person with no intention of using it for what it's intended for, that seems a bit duplicitous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not. The gift giver can choose to give you flowers or strawberries or cash. They chose to give you cash, and it is yours to spend as you like.

Oh, gosh. This sounds dreadfully immature. Surely you can show some gratitude and be pleasant when you're the recipient of a gift, can't you?

Lol. No, it doesn't sound "dreadfully immature" at all, really. It's fine.

Does nobody actually eat strawberries? Just tell her you bought them and ate them. It's not like they last forever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not. The gift giver can choose to give you flowers or strawberries or cash. They chose to give you cash, and it is yours to spend as you like.

Oh, gosh. This sounds dreadfully immature. Surely you can show some gratitude and be pleasant when you're the recipient of a gift, can't you?

Gratitude isn’t incompatible with boundaries. OP sounds grateful, but she isn’t required to buy what the donor wants where it’s not desired.

Re-read my post. I didn't say she had to buy what the giver wanted. I was only pointing out that she doesn't have to be rude and slam it in the giver's face. Thank you, Uncle Larlo, for thinking of us! Some of you were raised by wolves, apparently.

PP didn’t say to spit on the giver for suggesting OP buy fruit. PP just said you’re not obligated to purchase what the giver says. If the giver felt so strongly, they could’ve purchased it instead of giving cash.

If OP is required to get that precise item, it sort of becomes like running errands for the gift giver. “Here’s $20. Go grab some fruit for you kids. Keep the change as a tip.”