So this was me, not my child: In kindergarten I dragged a boy into the kitchen and said, "look Mom, isn't he cute!!?"

Held hands w/a boy in 5th grade. Our age said were were BF/GF.

First kiss -just one- in 7th grade. Months later, without anything else ever happening, it became my first devastating "break up". It took me months to get over it. Lots of crying.

Fast forward ~ to late HS, early college .. not telling you anymore. I am a believer that ordinary, emotionally healthy individuals make age appropriate, responsible decisions.

Anonymous wrote:I have a freshman daughter. She is picky and turns everyone down so no boyfriend. Most of her friends have “dated” someone but I am not sure I’d call the vast majority actual dating. They hang out in groups still, it’s more a title for school clout. She has one friend who has a serious boyfriend and is on birth control etc but that’s it

The friend whose on bc could be taking the pill for a variety of health reasons - not just as BC. You don’t know for sure if she’s actually active with her boyfriend. Seems kinda young.

14, 9th grade (last year). But I think he was kind of a late bloomer, and COVID messed with his 7th-8th grades which is when I think a lot of this normally starts. It was harder to start the idea of dating when everything was virtual.

At 14, "girlfriend" has meant they hung out with groups, 1:1 after school, and they've gone in a few actual dates where we drop them off for dinner or bowling or something like that. Of their friend groups, I'd say dating is relatively common but it's definitely not everyone - plenty of friends are not into it yet.

13, 8th grade. They have been dating since August. Seems to involve hanging out in a group, going to Starbucks or a local bagel place as a couple, and eating lunch together at school once or twice a week.

I have a freshman daughter. She is picky and turns everyone down so no boyfriend. Most of her friends have “dated” someone but I am not sure I’d call the vast majority actual dating. They hang out in groups still, it’s more a title for school clout. She has one friend who has a serious boyfriend and is on birth control etc but that’s it

Anonymous wrote:Dating happened in college. First serious relationship happened with someone she met in college. Still going strong. Kid dated extensively.

Cool story bro.

Three kids, all very different:

Son 1: first girlfriend sophomore year of HS (age 16), short term relationship maybe 2 months,
-longer relationship 11th-12th grade for 12 months
- 15 month relationship Freshman-Sophomore year of college, went on family vacation with us, all holidays with us, etc.
- now happily single for the past year (age 21)

Son 2: SUPER PRIVATE. Dates, but still hasn't had a long term serious girlfriend. Now a sophomore in college (age 20), still doesn't have anyone who he "wants to bring home for thanksgiving". His words, so we respect that boundary until he's ready to share more.

Daughter 1: First boyfriend Junior year of HS (current), will be 17 in a few weeks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids. This is my take on today's scene.

Going out or dating our whatever you would call it starts in middle school. This typically involves almost no one on one time. They will call each other girlfriend and boyfriend though.

One on one outings and going to each other's houses I saw starting somewhat freshman year and by sophomore year a lot of kids doing this. Not by any means all kids.

I have a freshman and a junior and I agree with with this part. But, they are very strict about what the terms "dating" and "boyfriend/girlfriend" mean. In my kids' circles that means the same thing, when you are exclusive and an official couple, then you are dating and that person is your boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are just talking, hanging out, making out, they will not use those terms. And, they will have sex before the label, so discuss your family values and birth control early and often!

When you say exclusive, do you mean exclusive as far as sexually?

Yes, that's part of it, but more general. When my kids refer to a couple (themselves included) who are "dating" or boyfriend/girlfriend that means they are in a committed relationship with that one person. They go out with that person, hang out with that person, text/Facetime/snap with that person and they do not do those things romantically/physically with anyone else.

Prior to that label, IME, there is a wide range of what is acceptable to the teens "seeing" each other or "talking" to each other. They may be snapping/hanging out/making out with multiple interests. Again, a good place to talk about what is important and feelings, respect, safety. I know of teens who have "casual" sex and are not exclusive, I hope this is not wide spread, but I've seen it, so I talk to my kids about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids. This is my take on today's scene.

Going out or dating our whatever you would call it starts in middle school. This typically involves almost no one on one time. They will call each other girlfriend and boyfriend though.

One on one outings and going to each other's houses I saw starting somewhat freshman year and by sophomore year a lot of kids doing this. Not by any means all kids.

I have a freshman and a junior and I agree with with this part. But, they are very strict about what the terms "dating" and "boyfriend/girlfriend" mean. In my kids' circles that means the same thing, when you are exclusive and an official couple, then you are dating and that person is your boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are just talking, hanging out, making out, they will not use those terms. And, they will have sex before the label, so discuss your family values and birth control early and often!

When you say exclusive, do you mean exclusive as far as sexually?

Dating happened in college. First serious relationship happened with someone she met in college. Still going strong. Kid dated extensively.

My DS announced he had a girlfriend when he was in 7th or 8th grade. They would walk over to the Starbuck's near their school with a bunch of other kids and order gross sugary coffee drinks. That lasted maybe a month? I don't think they actually kissed. His first actual girlfriend was the summer between sophomore and junior year. Lots of girls wanted to go out with him before that but he didn't like any of them enough to ask them to be his girlfriend. I know that he was sexually active with at least a few of them even if there wasn't actual intercourse.

My 15 y.o. is in 10th grade. She started dating her boyfriend at the end of 9th grade. They didn't see each other over the summer b/c they were both at camp and his family kept getting COVID. They are still a couple. They hang out together and wander around Bethesda after football games as part of a bigger group of kids.

13 - relationship going on 7 months now. Mostly handholding and a few kisses. Primarily texting/talking via discord at night and on weekends.

DS: first “ girlfriend “ in 6th grade Which just meant they texted each other a lot for a few weeks until she got mad at him and then it ended. Never saw each other outside of school. He’s now a sophomore and has not dated anybody yet beyond that
DD: couple little starter boyfriends freshman year, they just took walks after school and mostly she just wanted the experience of dating someone she wasn’t particularly interested in them. First person she actually cared about and spent time with spring of sophomore year

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