Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar boat, except I also have 2 kids with SN although milder. My nephew is not yet speaking much.

We do a lot of traveling to see them for the holidays and to keep routines in place. We stay in hotels and visit their house so that everyone has spaces to retreat to if needed. I do a lot of coaching/ answering basic questions for our parents in terms of what to expect based on info Inget from my brother. That gives them space to say unhelpful things like “shouldn’t he be *** by now” without my brother and sister in law having to put up with that. (This is at my brother’s request.)

I have also tried to visit with their family with just me. When my kids or parents are there, I am busy managing those interactions. I want to know my nephew and for him to know me outside of the chaos of big family visits. So this looks like me traveling to them whenever I can and just hanging out while they do their regular activities. This is earned me a nickname from my nephew that is in his communication device. I am jellybean since I once brought him purple jellybeans. ( If he had another sibling I would want to spend separate time with them too.)

It means a lot to me that my nephew will sit next to me when I visit. I sometimes get a high five or a hug too. It has taken time to build that relationship, so I encourage you to invest that time if possible.

You sound like a wonderful sister and I love that your nephew's name for you is jellybean. I am so grateful for my sister who runs similar interference with my unhelpful and judgmental parents.

OP here. Did you ask your sister to run interference or did it just sort of happen? Sounds like the first PP's brother asked her to play that role, but I'm curious how it came about for you. My brother hasn't asked me to do anything like that yet, but our family tends to be judgmental and uninformed about many things and my brother has already made comments to be about how he expects to hear a bunch of criticism when he shares his child's diagnosis (he hasn't told anyone else yet). I'd gladly run interference for my brother if he wants me to, but I don't know if he'd ever come out and ask me to do so. I'm trying to stay in my lane while also being as supportive as possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar boat, except I also have 2 kids with SN although milder. My nephew is not yet speaking much.

We do a lot of traveling to see them for the holidays and to keep routines in place. We stay in hotels and visit their house so that everyone has spaces to retreat to if needed. I do a lot of coaching/ answering basic questions for our parents in terms of what to expect based on info Inget from my brother. That gives them space to say unhelpful things like “shouldn’t he be *** by now” without my brother and sister in law having to put up with that. (This is at my brother’s request.)

I have also tried to visit with their family with just me. When my kids or parents are there, I am busy managing those interactions. I want to know my nephew and for him to know me outside of the chaos of big family visits. So this looks like me traveling to them whenever I can and just hanging out while they do their regular activities. This is earned me a nickname from my nephew that is in his communication device. I am jellybean since I once brought him purple jellybeans. ( If he had another sibling I would want to spend separate time with them too.)

It means a lot to me that my nephew will sit next to me when I visit. I sometimes get a high five or a hug too. It has taken time to build that relationship, so I encourage you to invest that time if possible.

You sound like a wonderful sister and I love that your nephew's name for you is jellybean. I am so grateful for my sister who runs similar interference with my unhelpful and judgmental parents.

OP here. Did you ask your sister to run interference or did it just sort of happen? Sounds like the first PP's brother asked her to play that role, but I'm curious how it came about for you. My brother hasn't asked me to do anything like that yet, but our family tends to be judgmental and uninformed about many things and my brother has already made comments to be about how he expects to hear a bunch of criticism when he shares his child's diagnosis (he hasn't told anyone else yet). I'd gladly run interference for my brother if he wants me to, but I don't know if he'd ever come out and ask me to do so. I'm trying to stay in my lane while also being as supportive as possible.

Let your brother and your wife tell the rest of your family themselves. You do not “run interference” for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar boat, except I also have 2 kids with SN although milder. My nephew is not yet speaking much.

We do a lot of traveling to see them for the holidays and to keep routines in place. We stay in hotels and visit their house so that everyone has spaces to retreat to if needed. I do a lot of coaching/ answering basic questions for our parents in terms of what to expect based on info Inget from my brother. That gives them space to say unhelpful things like “shouldn’t he be *** by now” without my brother and sister in law having to put up with that. (This is at my brother’s request.)

I have also tried to visit with their family with just me. When my kids or parents are there, I am busy managing those interactions. I want to know my nephew and for him to know me outside of the chaos of big family visits. So this looks like me traveling to them whenever I can and just hanging out while they do their regular activities. This is earned me a nickname from my nephew that is in his communication device. I am jellybean since I once brought him purple jellybeans. ( If he had another sibling I would want to spend separate time with them too.)

It means a lot to me that my nephew will sit next to me when I visit. I sometimes get a high five or a hug too. It has taken time to build that relationship, so I encourage you to invest that time if possible.

You sound like a wonderful sister and I love that your nephew's name for you is jellybean. I am so grateful for my sister who runs similar interference with my unhelpful and judgmental parents.

OP here. Did you ask your sister to run interference or did it just sort of happen? Sounds like the first PP's brother asked her to play that role, but I'm curious how it came about for you. My brother hasn't asked me to do anything like that yet, but our family tends to be judgmental and uninformed about many things and my brother has already made comments to be about how he expects to hear a bunch of criticism when he shares his child's diagnosis (he hasn't told anyone else yet). I'd gladly run interference for my brother if he wants me to, but I don't know if he'd ever come out and ask me to do so. I'm trying to stay in my lane while also being as supportive as possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do some research/ gather some resources and send them to him. Things like
www.wrightslaw.com
www.pathfindersforautism.com
Yellow pages for kids (on wrights law website)

He should know that his insurance might cover ABA services with an autism diagnosis. He should look into birth-3 or child find services. He should know to hire an advocate or lawyer for all IEP meetings.

I’d just present all the information you find without comment like here are some helpful resources. Early intervention is the best thing parents can do. Unfortunately many don’t do it, if you can push for that gently go for it, especially ABA.

All this information was presented to us by our clinical team when we got the ASD diagnosis for our 2-year old.

I’ve worked with too many parents that don’t understand this information until the child is much older. There’s a small window of time to really make progress, it’s basically before age 7. After that the rate of progress decreases significantly in my experience. I would make sure my family had knowledge of these basic resources, one cannot assume it’s already been provided.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar boat, except I also have 2 kids with SN although milder. My nephew is not yet speaking much.

We do a lot of traveling to see them for the holidays and to keep routines in place. We stay in hotels and visit their house so that everyone has spaces to retreat to if needed. I do a lot of coaching/ answering basic questions for our parents in terms of what to expect based on info Inget from my brother. That gives them space to say unhelpful things like “shouldn’t he be *** by now” without my brother and sister in law having to put up with that. (This is at my brother’s request.)

I have also tried to visit with their family with just me. When my kids or parents are there, I am busy managing those interactions. I want to know my nephew and for him to know me outside of the chaos of big family visits. So this looks like me traveling to them whenever I can and just hanging out while they do their regular activities. This is earned me a nickname from my nephew that is in his communication device. I am jellybean since I once brought him purple jellybeans. ( If he had another sibling I would want to spend separate time with them too.)

It means a lot to me that my nephew will sit next to me when I visit. I sometimes get a high five or a hug too. It has taken time to build that relationship, so I encourage you to invest that time if possible.

You sound like a wonderful sister and I love that your nephew's name for you is jellybean. I am so grateful for my sister who runs similar interference with my unhelpful and judgmental parents.

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar boat, except I also have 2 kids with SN although milder. My nephew is not yet speaking much.

We do a lot of traveling to see them for the holidays and to keep routines in place. We stay in hotels and visit their house so that everyone has spaces to retreat to if needed. I do a lot of coaching/ answering basic questions for our parents in terms of what to expect based on info Inget from my brother. That gives them space to say unhelpful things like “shouldn’t he be *** by now” without my brother and sister in law having to put up with that. (This is at my brother’s request.)

I have also tried to visit with their family with just me. When my kids or parents are there, I am busy managing those interactions. I want to know my nephew and for him to know me outside of the chaos of big family visits. So this looks like me traveling to them whenever I can and just hanging out while they do their regular activities. This is earned me a nickname from my nephew that is in his communication device. I am jellybean since I once brought him purple jellybeans. ( If he had another sibling I would want to spend separate time with them too.)

It means a lot to me that my nephew will sit next to me when I visit. I sometimes get a high five or a hug too. It has taken time to build that relationship, so I encourage you to invest that time if possible.

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar boat, except I also have 2 kids with SN although milder. My nephew is not yet speaking much.

We do a lot of traveling to see them for the holidays and to keep routines in place. We stay in hotels and visit their house so that everyone has spaces to retreat to if needed. I do a lot of coaching/ answering basic questions for our parents in terms of what to expect based on info Inget from my brother. That gives them space to say unhelpful things like “shouldn’t he be *** by now” without my brother and sister in law having to put up with that. (This is at my brother’s request.)

I have also tried to visit with their family with just me. When my kids or parents are there, I am busy managing those interactions. I want to know my nephew and for him to know me outside of the chaos of big family visits. So this looks like me traveling to them whenever I can and just hanging out while they do their regular activities. This is earned me a nickname from my nephew that is in his communication device. I am jellybean since I once brought him purple jellybeans. ( If he had another sibling I would want to spend separate time with them too.)

It means a lot to me that my nephew will sit next to me when I visit. I sometimes get a high five or a hug too. It has taken time to build that relationship, so I encourage you to invest that time if possible.

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to get early intervention stat! There’s no time to waste! Hurry hurry!

Anonymous wrote:Do some research/ gather some resources and send them to him. Things like
www.wrightslaw.com
www.pathfindersforautism.com
Yellow pages for kids (on wrights law website)

He should know that his insurance might cover ABA services with an autism diagnosis. He should look into birth-3 or child find services. He should know to hire an advocate or lawyer for all IEP meetings.

I’d just present all the information you find without comment like here are some helpful resources. Early intervention is the best thing parents can do. Unfortunately many don’t do it, if you can push for that gently go for it, especially ABA.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the best thing you can do is love his kid. Don’t be “tolerant” or “accepting” or “inclusive.” Be the president of his fan club. Ask about him, celebrate his accomplishments, cultivate a relationship with him. My siblings all try to be supportive but none of them really treat my kid like the other nieces and nephews.