Anonymous wrote:In our family, it seems it’s always been the child who lives closest to the parents, regardless of gender or birth order.

+1

My older sister was the one and it was so much work, luckily, my brother helped her out, they were both empty nesters. I felt guilty, but it was so much work, I was glad it wasn't me!

In my family of origin, because the eldest lives close to the parents and no one else does.

In the family I created, it will likely be the eldest because he is the most responsible. Some of that is conditioning; he was asked to assume responsibilities earlier than his siblings because he was more capable. Some is just his innate personality. Of course, I may be wrong; he's still a young adult and his siblings are teenagers.

Youngest but only girl in my family. My dad was for his mom, though honestly it was really my mom for her MIL. It is also the daughter (though oldest) in DH’s family.

Are you kidding me? Most often it is the middle child who is the peacemaker and the caretaker, especially when the oldest and the parents usually do battle.

Actually my sibling was appointed and didn't want to do it, while I was willing and the sibling ignored me. It's what older traditional parents do OP.

I finally gave up trying and moved on.

Anonymous wrote:Actually it is usually the daughter(s), regardless of birth order.

My DH is the one appointed to manage things, not his older sister.

Anonymous wrote:Actually it is usually the daughter(s), regardless of birth order.

True in my family. And true for my mom. But my dad was the one for his mother. Not sure his sister even visited her mom.

My 87-year old mother chose my younger, drug dependent brother for pretty much everything (POA, executor, medical proxy) even though he can't really handle his own affairs. She even recently shared her financial account passwords with him which floored me. He's reportedly said that he'll be broke by the time she dies, so I don't want to think where that's going to lead. I couldn't help but be insulted because I'm the one with the finance degree, he barely graduated from high school. I'm the stable one with an intact family; he's been in jail, divorced, estranged from his kids, remarried someone he found on Facebook in another country, etc. He's also managed to isolate our mother from her other family members (mainly his kids/her grandchildren who don't want anything more to do with him so she has disowned them as a result.) So she is missing out on having a relationship with her own grandchildren. That said, I'm trying to look at the bright side -- if he's going to be the most favored child and possibly rip her off, he can take 100% of the responsibility for caring for her when she needs it. I'll call once a week and visit on occasion.

Anonymous wrote:In my family, its the youngest son because he knows no one else is volunteering.

+1. Youngest gets the burden. Oldest often act like single children in my experience: selfish.

Its whoever cares more, birth order and gender vary?

I am not sure I agree with your hypothesis, but to the extent that it is true, maybe it is because the oldest sibling has the oldest kids and therefore more free time

Anonymous wrote:Actually it is usually the daughter(s), regardless of birth order.

Not in my family.
I am the oldest and the only daughter (of 3 kids.) But I live on the opposite coast as my aging parents. The middle kid lives in the middle of the country, and the youngest lives very close to my parents. He has done most of the work of helping them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually it is usually the daughter(s), regardless of birth order.

Yep. It’s the most capable daughter.

Not in my family. Its the uninterested daughter who never helps anyone.

That might be a ploy for her attention. My dad always wanted my brother to do it because he felt ignored/neglected. Now that my brother does it, my dad complains how perfunctory his responses are.

She doesn't want the attention but it may be my dad wanting attention and drama and they always gave her the responsibility and she never did it and I stepped in and took care of it. Dad likes the conflict and drama between all of us. I initially handled things, including pay for it because my mom and sister would not pay for things like a walker but after hearing they were POA and not me, I stopped doing all of it. When they complain I remind them of their choices.

In my family, its the youngest son because he knows no one else is volunteering.