Anonymous wrote:Hmm, I'm a mom and I would say that to another mom about their kid (although never in front of other kids). I wouldn't assume that it implied that the kid was chubby/obese or otherwise an insult... simply that some kids don't strike you as looking fast. I guess if it offends, one could ask, "what makes you say that?" but some kids just look athletic and some kids don't. And when the ones that don't are super athletic, most people are typically surprised. That's it.

It's not that simple. Many people have stereotypes of what "fast" and "athletic" looks like and they are sometimes based on impressions that are race-based and discriminatory.

Over many years of kid sports, I've heard parents make comments about tall kids who happen to be Black that they look like they would be great at basketball and how surprised they were that they were not (because they actually play another sport or don't play sports) or about small Asian kids that they said they thought looked "weak" (even though if you actually looked closely those small kids were actually all muscle).

I have a child who is tall and has broad shoulders. He looks strong and fast. But he's just... not strong... not fast.

I mean…it’s sports. It’s a coach. They are evaluating your child’s ability. They size kids up based on build and how they move. His initial assessment was wrong. That’s it.

Hmm, I'm a mom and I would say that to another mom about their kid (although never in front of other kids). I wouldn't assume that it implied that the kid was chubby/obese or otherwise an insult... simply that some kids don't strike you as looking fast. I guess if it offends, one could ask, "what makes you say that?" but some kids just look athletic and some kids don't. And when the ones that don't are super athletic, most people are typically surprised. That's it.

My kid is 5'4 and 120 pounds and is a fast, strong, basketball player--and you can see his ribs-i.e., not fat. Some of you have some very, very strange ideas about kids and weight.

Anonymous wrote:

But almost any time somebody says "you're [complement] than you look," it's a backhanded complement, unintentional or not.


to be clear, I absolutely don't think what the coach said was a big deal. Even if it was an intentional slight, I can't imagine it actually mattering.

OP here. Yes, I don't think it was intentional, but I do think it was a backhanded compliment. It also makes me a bit uncomfortable because we are Central American, and my son has a build like his father - a bit stockier. Still, there is nothing to do but let it go.

The fact that you're Central American makes this feel slightly racist. There are GREAT Central American runners who do tend to be a bit sturdier. Fast is fast.

I have the opposite problem- my kid *is* slow and everyone comments on how slow he is. I guess the “stocky” PP would think he was downright obese at 5’4” and 115lbs.

When my kid was 18, he was at an ice hockey showcase event in NJ which had a program of participants listing their heights and weights. My son is 5'9 and 190 lbs, but he is all muscle and is actually pretty fast and agile on the ice. After the game, a coach from a team down in Texas was speaking with my son (and with me), and said "I have to admit, when I saw you on roster, I really thought you would be kind of fat and out of shape, but that obviously was wrong."

So OP, I'd take the original comment as a compliment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yikes, that is really light. My son is 5 foot and 85 lbs, and I can see his ribs when he walks around with his shirt off. I also have to order him special "slim" sized pants. He does have larger shoulders, but I can't imagine him weighing 15 lbs less and being taller.


My boy is slim/skeletal. He eats an insane amount and it active. He is 11, so is just starting to get shoulders and chest - but no where near filling out. Both his dad and myself are lean. So it is genetics. Dad would be described as a beanpole build (very tall, lean). Pediatrician looks at his dad and has zero concerns. He eats what he needs. Pants are a NIGHTMARE to but. He has an 8 year's old waist but the length for a 12 year old.

That's all fine and good, but I don't think it is helpful to OP. It's not what most kids should be striving for, even if it is healthy for your own child in light of his particular genetics.

Not OP, but a 5 foot 85 pound kid is stocky. I would think football player/rugby at that weight - and yes, would be surprised if fast.

You have no idea what 5 ft 85lbs even looks like. Just pipe down.

Anonymous wrote:

I think it depends on the weight - muscle or no. My son is 5'1" currently and maybe 70 pounds. Just bone and muscle.

Yikes, that is really light. My son is 5 foot and 85 lbs, and I can see his ribs when he walks around with his shirt off. I also have to order him special "slim" sized pants. He does have larger shoulders, but I can't imagine him weighing 15 lbs less and being taller.

Same. Mine is 5 foot and 87 pounds and athletic but so thin we already worry about him. Any less and I'd be worried about a medical issue.

Anonymous wrote:5 feet and 100 pounds is not chubby for an 11 yo boy.
Solidly normal.

DS was about 5 feet tall and slightly less than 100 at 11. Not stocky at all and people actually thought he was a runner because he looked strong although he's actually not very athletic and hates running.

As a person of color we hear these kinds of comments often and it's really hard to figure out how to deal with these things. I'm sorry this happened OP.

Anonymous wrote:

That's all fine and good, but I don't think it is helpful to OP. It's not what most kids should be striving for, even if it is healthy for your own child in light of his particular genetics.


Not OP, but a 5 foot 85 pound kid is stocky. I would think football player/rugby at that weight - and yes, would be surprised if fast.

According to the CDC, that is around 18th percentile BMI for that age, height, and weight. You have some very distorted views on what weight is "stocky."

+1
DC's good friend is this size and weight, and you could literally see his ribs when they were at the pool. He is very skinny. What are you even talking about?

If it was his girlfriend saying that, it's not a compliment. Other than that, let it go.

5 feet and 100 pounds is not chubby for an 11 yo boy.
Solidly normal.

That's all fine and good, but I don't think it is helpful to OP. It's not what most kids should be striving for, even if it is healthy for your own child in light of his particular genetics.


Not OP, but a 5 foot 85 pound kid is stocky. I would think football player/rugby at that weight - and yes, would be surprised if fast.

According to the CDC, that is around 18th percentile BMI for that age, height, and weight. You have some very distorted views on what weight is "stocky."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yikes, that is really light. My son is 5 foot and 85 lbs, and I can see his ribs when he walks around with his shirt off. I also have to order him special "slim" sized pants. He does have larger shoulders, but I can't imagine him weighing 15 lbs less and being taller.


My boy is slim/skeletal. He eats an insane amount and it active. He is 11, so is just starting to get shoulders and chest - but no where near filling out. Both his dad and myself are lean. So it is genetics. Dad would be described as a beanpole build (very tall, lean). Pediatrician looks at his dad and has zero concerns. He eats what he needs. Pants are a NIGHTMARE to but. He has an 8 year's old waist but the length for a 12 year old.

That's all fine and good, but I don't think it is helpful to OP. It's not what most kids should be striving for, even if it is healthy for your own child in light of his particular genetics.

Not OP, but a 5 foot 85 pound kid is stocky. I would think football player/rugby at that weight - and yes, would be surprised if fast.

5 foot 85 pounds? That’s definitely not stocky! That is <50% BMI. Did you mean 100 pound like OP said?