Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 16:24     Subject: Re:Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Anonymous wrote:You are expecting the child to sleep for 13 hours straight?!? That is a very early bedtime. He is not tired… start bedtime at 8:30. Be firm and follow through.


No - I expect him to go to bed at 730 and get up at 630. 630 is the easiest start to our day and when he gets up when he falls asleep at 7/730. I tried earlier in case he was over tired. I can’t just do later than 730because I have other kids to get to bed and because 645 is the absolute latest he can get up for a not hectic morning (he’s a slow eater, slow to get dressed etc).
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 16:02     Subject: Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Anonymous wrote:My 3.5yo is as stubborn as all get out - the #1 way to get him to go potty / put on his shoes etc is to say “whatever you do, don’t go potty! I really don’t want you to right now!”

His sleep has always been pretty bad but now that he’s in a bed, bedtime (and overnight too but especially bedtime) has gone to hell. He gets out of bed 1000 times and if he doesn’t come fine me, he wrecks his room (throwing all clothes out of drawers / unmaking bed and making tents etc.

He’s definitely tired (doesn’t nap anymore and plays this game for hours) and even just .25mg of melatonin makes bedtime easy. Without it, he just will not give up the fight and let his body relax and go to sleep.

I’ve tried ALL the things - ticket system (he gave no f’s that his tickets were used up and just kept coming, timed checkins, rubbing his back and staying (if anything he got even more wound up with me in the room playing a game of starting to get out of bed and seeing when I’d react), listing to stories or calming music, lavender diffuser, and routine has always been very consistent.

It’s not possible to just lock him in his room (low windows and other aspects make that unsafe) and even if I could he’s the type of kid who would escalate until he hurt himself being wild if I didn’t respond

I have 2 other kids who sleep well. What in the world do I do with this one?? I’m losing my mind over this


My DC was like that. The only thing that helped were evening walks. After dinner we would talk the kids for about a mile long walk, sometimes in the dark with head lamps. It was fun to see fireflies, the moon and planets, bats. It tired them out physically so they were ready for sleep. It helped my sleep too.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 15:42     Subject: Re:Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
OP, speaking from experience here I think he is going to bed too early. I would start bedtime routine around 8pm with the melatonin until you can gradually cut the melatonin back. I went through awful periods with my now 4yr old. Ultimately moving bedtime back stopped the two plus hours of fighting. Milk, back rubs, closing the door and sitting outside, putting her back to bed without talking, no eye contact 25 times in a row….none of it worked. Moving back the bedtime and understanding that 7pm or whatever wasn’t working anymore…that worked.

Also, he may need that daytime nap.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 15:21     Subject: Re:Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
You are expecting the child to sleep for 13 hours straight?!? That is a very early bedtime. He is not tired… start bedtime at 8:30. Be firm and follow through.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 15:16     Subject: Re:Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
We have always closed the door at bedtime. Our 2.5 year old just started insisting it be open. This started when DH and I were gone and grandma let him do it. Probably a combination of missing us and grandma giving in to him.

I close the door to my older kids when I walk out after putting them to bed and now for the younger one I close it when I go to bed. It is a fire hazard to have the door open.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:21     Subject: Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Anonymous wrote:Do you posters really close the door and leave your 3 year old alone to fall asleep? Even my 8 years does not tolerate falling asleep with the door closed. She wants to hear me nearby and doesn't want to be in the room alone. Y'all have very stoic children to close the door at bedtime.


We keep the doors open at bedtime and close time when we go to bed several hours later (fire safety).

When my kids went through the ridiculous delaying bedtime tactic crap, having an open door was a privilege. If they screamed and acted out then yes door closed. I always opened it when they were calm. And I didn't do this when they were scared, only when they were being defiant. We had months of the delay and miserable bedtimes and once we cracked down and put our foot down it would take 2-3 days and then the drama was over and we wished we had done it earlier. All this rushing in to comfort and comply is just making you AND your kids more miserable. Stop dragging it out.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:16     Subject: Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
make sure you close their doors before you go to bed.

--any firefighter will beg you to do this
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:10     Subject: Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Anonymous wrote:Do you posters really close the door and leave your 3 year old alone to fall asleep? Even my 8 years does not tolerate falling asleep with the door closed. She wants to hear me nearby and doesn't want to be in the room alone. Y'all have very stoic children to close the door at bedtime.


Yup. My 2 and 7 year old like to sleep with the door open, and still like company in their room as they go to sleep. I don't mind when they are tired, but like OP we sometimes have tough nights when they wind each other up.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:10     Subject: Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Anonymous wrote:Do you posters really close the door and leave your 3 year old alone to fall asleep? Even my 8 years does not tolerate falling asleep with the door closed. She wants to hear me nearby and doesn't want to be in the room alone. Y'all have very stoic children to close the door at bedtime.


+1 it’s ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:06     Subject: Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Do you posters really close the door and leave your 3 year old alone to fall asleep? Even my 8 years does not tolerate falling asleep with the door closed. She wants to hear me nearby and doesn't want to be in the room alone. Y'all have very stoic children to close the door at bedtime.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:05     Subject: Re:Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Take everything out of his room except his mattress/blankets so there is nothing he can throw/hurt himself with. Get a child safety latch for the closet so he can't get in there.

Do your normal bedtime routine, tell him he gets to decide when to go to bed but he stays in his room and close the door.

Sit outside of door reading a book. When he opens tell him "oh not sleepy yet? Im busy reading. Back in room."

It will take a few days but if he has nothing to escalate him (either in his room or from your attention) he will stop.



I agree with all of this. He is in control now and you are not. This is a way to calmly regain control.


I think he would legit panic, he struggles with separation anxiety and if he felt locked unable to get to me he would probably totally panic until he puked


If the melatonin solves all your problems, then I think you’re just putting him to bed too early and he’s not tired.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 14:02     Subject: Re:Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Take everything out of his room except his mattress/blankets so there is nothing he can throw/hurt himself with. Get a child safety latch for the closet so he can't get in there.

Do your normal bedtime routine, tell him he gets to decide when to go to bed but he stays in his room and close the door.

Sit outside of door reading a book. When he opens tell him "oh not sleepy yet? Im busy reading. Back in room."

It will take a few days but if he has nothing to escalate him (either in his room or from your attention) he will stop.



I agree with all of this. He is in control now and you are not. This is a way to calmly regain control.


I think he would legit panic, he struggles with separation anxiety and if he felt locked unable to get to me he would probably totally panic until he puked
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 09:35     Subject: Re:Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Anonymous wrote:Take everything out of his room except his mattress/blankets so there is nothing he can throw/hurt himself with. Get a child safety latch for the closet so he can't get in there.

Do your normal bedtime routine, tell him he gets to decide when to go to bed but he stays in his room and close the door.

Sit outside of door reading a book. When he opens tell him "oh not sleepy yet? Im busy reading. Back in room."

It will take a few days but if he has nothing to escalate him (either in his room or from your attention) he will stop.



I agree with all of this. He is in control now and you are not. This is a way to calmly regain control.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 09:21     Subject: Re:Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Take everything out of his room except his mattress/blankets so there is nothing he can throw/hurt himself with. Get a child safety latch for the closet so he can't get in there.

Do your normal bedtime routine, tell him he gets to decide when to go to bed but he stays in his room and close the door.

Sit outside of door reading a book. When he opens tell him "oh not sleepy yet? Im busy reading. Back in room."

It will take a few days but if he has nothing to escalate him (either in his room or from your attention) he will stop.

Anonymous
Post 10/01/2022 09:20     Subject: Help me not murder my 3.5yo at bedtime tonight
Do all of the following

1. Add the nap back in
2. Move bedtime to 9 pm - start bedtime routine at 8:30 pm
3. Consider using a weighted blanket
4. Use a noise machine