Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important for mental growth of young adults to earn their own money, learn to manage it themselves and learn to live independently.

Living with mommy and daddy and being co-dependent after 21 is not a way to live and grow as adults. There is more to life than thrifting. Live on your own, manage your own budget and your own household.

Asian family here. My husband and I stayed home with our parents for 2 1/2 years until we saved up enough money to purchase the townhouse in cash for 250K in 1999.

My three kids lived at home after college for two years, free food and rent, to save 100% of their salaries. They could leave the house early and come home as late as they wanted and we treated them like adults. The kids left home after two years with 250K in the bank, bought a townhouse with 75% down payment (we gave each 250K in addition to their own 250k). Now they have financial freedom. My daughter will be leaving her high stress job to become a middle school teacher without having to worry about making large mortgage payments. Staying home for two or three years is perfectly fine to build that nest egg. Young adults will survive.

Talk about spoiling your kids. Wow.

Anonymous wrote:We charged both our adult kids rent. It started at $500, and were told if they weren't either in school or working (or a combo of both) full time, it would go up by $100 every three months. That was their incentive to move out. They HAD to be doing something productive (school/work) full time. No food or drink in bedroom except water. Had to do their own laundry at least once a week. Had to let us know if they'd be home for dinner (so we knew whether to make enough food for them) and had to let us know by 11pm if they'd be home that night or not. Could not wake other members of the family unless an emergency. We have younger kids, so we also had the rule of no coming home under the influence of substances. Must make dinner for the family once a week (and clean up from said dinner).

Holing up in a bedroom would be completely unacceptable to us.

JFC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important for mental growth of young adults to earn their own money, learn to manage it themselves and learn to live independently.

Living with mommy and daddy and being co-dependent after 21 is not a way to live and grow as adults. There is more to life than thrifting. Live on your own, manage your own budget and your own household.

Asian family here. My husband and I stayed home with our parents for 2 1/2 years until we saved up enough money to purchase the townhouse in cash for 250K in 1999.

My three kids lived at home after college for two years, free food and rent, to save 100% of their salaries. They could leave the house early and come home as late as they wanted and we treated them like adults. The kids left home after two years with 250K in the bank, bought a townhouse with 75% down payment (we gave each 250K in addition to their own 250k). Now they have financial freedom. My daughter will be leaving her high stress job to become a middle school teacher without having to worry about making large mortgage payments. Staying home for two or three years is perfectly fine to build that nest egg. Young adults will survive.

Kinda buried the lede there, no?

My DS moved home after college in 2021. It took him about 8 months to find a job. He is still living at home and is welcome to do so as long as he wants. We do not charge rent or for food. He is responsible for all his expenses (phone, transportation etc). He helps out with his younger sibling, cooks dinner as needed and assists with chores when asked. I don't check how much money he sets aside, I do hope he does. His job is not lucrative (public sector) but is very satisfying to him. Win-win for all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worked a temp job over the summer and is now back home. Please suggest appropriate measures to keep him focused on starting a career...at least getting a job. I have no issue with him at home. We enjoy spending time with him...but I would like him to be more focused on the next steps to being an independent responsible person. He had a very employable major but is not sure that is exactly the path he wants.

Rent?
Specific household tasks beyond his own areas?
Keeping us posted on what he is doing productively? He is very silent on this...just in his room?

Any tips that worked well for BTDT parents.

I'm a career coach and happy to work with your son

Do you have an email?

We had ours cook dinner one night a week when they came back. They also helped clean the house.

Anonymous wrote:Worked a temp job over the summer and is now back home. Please suggest appropriate measures to keep him focused on starting a career...at least getting a job. I have no issue with him at home. We enjoy spending time with him...but I would like him to be more focused on the next steps to being an independent responsible person. He had a very employable major but is not sure that is exactly the path he wants.

Rent?
Specific household tasks beyond his own areas?
Keeping us posted on what he is doing productively? He is very silent on this...just in his room?

Any tips that worked well for BTDT parents.

I'm a career coach and happy to work with your son

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important for mental growth of young adults to earn their own money, learn to manage it themselves and learn to live independently.

Living with mommy and daddy and being co-dependent after 21 is not a way to live and grow as adults. There is more to life than thrifting. Live on your own, manage your own budget and your own household.

Asian family here. My husband and I stayed home with our parents for 2 1/2 years until we saved up enough money to purchase the townhouse in cash for 250K in 1999.

My three kids lived at home after college for two years, free food and rent, to save 100% of their salaries. They could leave the house early and come home as late as they wanted and we treated them like adults. The kids left home after two years with 250K in the bank, bought a townhouse with 75% down payment (we gave each 250K in addition to their own 250k). Now they have financial freedom. My daughter will be leaving her high stress job to become a middle school teacher without having to worry about making large mortgage payments. Staying home for two or three years is perfectly fine to build that nest egg. Young adults will survive.

As another Indian-American, I fully embrace this method and hope to do this for my own children in a few years. It's great that you had the funds to provide so much for your children but even if you didn't, the fact that they could stay with you and save their own money is hugely helpful. This is part of Asian culture. Our parents are typically immigrants and they grew up in joint-family homes, which was common in Asia and still is in many parts of the world. This isn't just about saving money. The entire perspective is different. Families care for each other in perpetuity. Parents for their children and children for their parents. That's the cycle. We share - a home, food, stories, love, laughter, extended family gossip and yes, conflict. And that doesn't end just because the kids turn 18. Most 1st generation Indian/Asian kids do just fine and launch themselves into happy independent adulthoods. When they have their own children, the family (nuclear and extended) is never too far off. I'm not saying this is the only/best way to do it. Just highlighting the difference between immigrants who came from individualistic vs. collective cultures and how this manifests in caring for adult children as they transition into adulthood. Thanks for sharing your story!

He needs to get a job in said employable major until he figures out what he wants to do

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important for mental growth of young adults to earn their own money, learn to manage it themselves and learn to live independently.

Living with mommy and daddy and being co-dependent after 21 is not a way to live and grow as adults. There is more to life than thrifting. Live on your own, manage your own budget and your own household.

Asian family here. My husband and I stayed home with our parents for 2 1/2 years until we saved up enough money to purchase the townhouse in cash for 250K in 1999.

My three kids lived at home after college for two years, free food and rent, to save 100% of their salaries. They could leave the house early and come home as late as they wanted and we treated them like adults. The kids left home after two years with 250K in the bank, bought a townhouse with 75% down payment (we gave each 250K in addition to their own 250k). Now they have financial freedom. My daughter will be leaving her high stress job to become a middle school teacher without having to worry about making large mortgage payments. Staying home for two or three years is perfectly fine to build that nest egg. Young adults will survive.

I love you did this for your children! I hope I can do something similar!

Thank your daughter for teaching!

Anonymous wrote:It's important for mental growth of young adults to earn their own money, learn to manage it themselves and learn to live independently.

Living with mommy and daddy and being co-dependent after 21 is not a way to live and grow as adults. There is more to life than thrifting. Live on your own, manage your own budget and your own household.

Asian family here. My husband and I stayed home with our parents for 2 1/2 years until we saved up enough money to purchase the townhouse in cash for 250K in 1999.

My three kids lived at home after college for two years, free food and rent, to save 100% of their salaries. They could leave the house early and come home as late as they wanted and we treated them like adults. The kids left home after two years with 250K in the bank, bought a townhouse with 75% down payment (we gave each 250K in addition to their own 250k). Now they have financial freedom. My daughter will be leaving her high stress job to become a middle school teacher without having to worry about making large mortgage payments. Staying home for two or three years is perfectly fine to build that nest egg. Young adults will survive.

Its totally fine to gift your adult child down payment or whole cost of a starter home to help them establish and save but not a healthy idea to make them live at home.

It's important for mental growth of young adults to earn their own money, learn to manage it themselves and learn to live independently.

Living with mommy and daddy and being co-dependent after 21 is not a way to live and grow as adults. There is more to life than thrifting. Live on your own, manage your own budget and your own household.

This is how young people build wealth. Good for you to be in a position to help your child! I am planning to do the same, only I am looking to buy him a condo when the prices really bottom out soon. We will purchase it, rent it out, then renovate before he moves in post-graduation.