This is a dynamic in my friend group too. The women tend to do both: we have kid-free dinners and outings, but we also plan park outings, playdates, etc, where everyone brings their kids. When the guys plan something, it's golf or a bar and never involves the kids. (We do whole-family events fairly often as well).

I think it probably evolved this way partly bc most of the women in the group breastfed and took maternity leave while DHs went back to work, so we were looking for social events that didn't involve being separated from the baby. But now that our kids are mostly older, it is kind of annoying now that I think about it.

Anonymous wrote:You should not have had 3 kids. Sorry. The drama of parents with 3 and more never ever ends.

Oh stop being ridiculous. There are plenty of families with 2 kids with drama (see all the threads on people complaining they had to talk their spouse into having a second kid and they never help out). And I know families with 1 kid where the mom does everything because she really wanted a kid and the husband agreed to one so long as it wouldn’t affect his lifestyle too much. Sure there are families of 3+ who are always a mess with the drama, but I think it’s just the number of kids amplifying the drama that would have existed anyway. Many of us manage to have 3 kids just fine.

My husband makes plans without me - with the kids. He has some college friends and a few coworker friends who have similar age kids. I am invited and welcome to join, but he suggests the activity and coordinates logistics.

My husband also has some hobbies with our kids separate from me - camping and baseball. I also have some hobbies and interests that are mainly my interests. My husband will coordinate camping trips with other parents he knows from Cub Scouts and will schedule trips to college or professional baseball games with other kids from our sons’ baseball teams.

Anonymous wrote:You should not have had 3 kids. Sorry. The drama of parents with 3 and more never ever ends.

What is the drama? My family is fine.

I was just wondering if other dads make plans with other dads. The people who replied do.

Divorce is contagious.

You should not have had 3 kids. Sorry. The drama of parents with 3 and more never ever ends.

My husband has 2 friend groups we social with.

One group tends to either set up family events (with the wives tending to do the most kid wrangling while the DHs relax, although mine is still pretty helpful) or they go out with just the guys. So I’ve started inviting the wives out to do things just us so I can spend kid-free time with them.

The other group includes dads who will plan stuff that is just dads + kids in addition to whole family events and adult-only stuff (sometimes just DHs, just DWs, or couples nights out). The dads will take the kids on nature bike rides, batting cages, laser tag, etc.

Basically I just accept I can’t control my friends’ husbands and I try to lend an empathetic ear if they complaint their husbands aren’t helpful. If I was concerned my DH wasn’t doing enough with the kids I’d address that. I don’t care if he goes out for guys’ only nights, but I also take the initiative to plan girls’ nights and to hire a sitter for date nights so neither one of us feels like we’re not getting breaks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is like yours, OP. The dad’s get together either as a family or without kids. It’s never just dad’s and kids.

Op here. Dh just isn’t a planner. To be fair, he has a very demanding job. I can’t think of one time that Dh had a play date with another dad where kids hang out with the kids. I obviously don’t have the kids all the time. When he has the kids, he just hangs out with our kids, which is totally fine.

I guess I’m annoyed that dh’s friends only want to hang out with him and not the kids(ours or theirs).

So your husbands friends don’t dig your kids. Frankly I’m generally not a huge fan of other people’s and simply tolerate them because they make my kids happy.

No, I think the guys want a break from their wife and their own kids. They would rather go out with other guys without the wife and kids.

Divorced guy is my son’s good friend’s dad. Our families became close over the years. The mom and I were friends and often did play dates with kids before dads even knew one another. Then we started hanging out as full families since dads also got along. Even before they got divorced, that dad would try to go out with Dh without the kids. I remember being annoyed back then and that was before we had the third child. That mom also used to say the Dh wouldn’t want to do kid things. I get it. Most guys probably would not want to go to Cox farms but they do it to hang out with their kids and even better if another family we are friends with goes together. Nope, they just propose drinks or golf or happy hour during prime time parenting time.

The guy is toxic. So much so that his wife is venting to YOU despite tye fact that you aren't close friends


We all would like to take a breather from the responsibilities we created for ourselves once in a while but this guy would like a permanent escapem

Yes, in our group of friends the dad take the kids on a weekend camping trip every year and they will regularly schedule outings for just dads and kids. Us moms actually never take all the kids anywhere together (like overnight!).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is like yours, OP. The dad’s get together either as a family or without kids. It’s never just dad’s and kids.

Op here. Dh just isn’t a planner. To be fair, he has a very demanding job. I can’t think of one time that Dh had a play date with another dad where kids hang out with the kids. I obviously don’t have the kids all the time. When he has the kids, he just hangs out with our kids, which is totally fine.

I guess I’m annoyed that dh’s friends only want to hang out with him and not the kids(ours or theirs).

So your husbands friends don’t dig your kids. Frankly I’m generally not a huge fan of other people’s and simply tolerate them because they make my kids happy.

To answer your question: in my family, very rarely and only if I am at work (so he has no choice but to bring the kids) and he really likes the other dad (currently there is only one other dad he really likes.) Meanwhile I will hang with literally anyone for my kids! I work evening shift so I am out with all the Sahm's.

So you are unhappy with one of your DH’s friends (and maybe DH?!?) because that friend’s wife complained to you about her husband’s socialization patterns?

Wow. Just, wow.

In our family, DH is the main parent. He makes plans with/for the kids all the time.

My DH does all the time. We have two DDs and he plans things like fishing, trampoline park, camping, etc. His lifelong friends all have similarly aged kids which helps.