Anonymous wrote:She’s doing it to f$& with you. Show me one normal grandmother who sends large amounts of sweets in good faith.

+1 Grandmothers around here are usually the opposite ("You should be getting your milk from the organic farm. Why are you giving him that, where are the extra veggies? Surprise, I made my little bubby a broccoli cake for his 4th birthday! Throw that sugary fire truck cake in the trash -- all that red dye!"

Re-gift.

Who doesn't eat their kid's food? Halloweeen candy - I'm on it. I don't sneak it, I don't lie about it, but yeah, they have to share.

Anonymous wrote:She’s doing it to f$& with you. Show me one normal grandmother who sends large amounts of sweets in good faith.

I hate to say it but I agree. Your mom is messing with you, Op, and saying something about either your boundaries and her right to violate them or her “right” to make the rules for your kids.

My mom just sent me a huge box of candy for my birthday. For 5 years, I’ve said “please don’t send me candy” and she knows that I have struggled with a sweet tooth and my weight.

At this point I know my mom does it on purpose. She has a super messed up relationship with food and some kind of undiagnosed personality disorder, and has always relished me gaining weight while at the same time chastising me for it.

I’ve shielded my daughter from it. Hope you can do the same with your kids. My daughter saw the most recent box, asked to pick one kind of candy out for herself, and told me she didn’t think we needed it and asked would it be ok if we didn’t eat it?

Anonymous wrote:Have everybody eat one, throw the rest away. your kids don't need to know you are throwing stuff away.

Also I never deprive myself when I want to eat something sweet and I don't deprive my kids either, but I don't always keep stuff in the house. We go to dairy godmother or make a small batch of cookies. Just because you're throwing some sweets away doesn't mean you or your kids are deprived.

This is a good idea actually. Take one each so the kids can say that they had one when they're on FT next but throw the rest away.

Have everybody eat one, throw the rest away. your kids don't need to know you are throwing stuff away.

Also I never deprive myself when I want to eat something sweet and I don't deprive my kids either, but I don't always keep stuff in the house. We go to dairy godmother or make a small batch of cookies. Just because you're throwing some sweets away doesn't mean you or your kids are deprived.

My mother is the EXACT same way. I tell her over and over again not to send but she keeps doing it. 10 year later, I have finally come to understand that she misses the kids terribly and doesn't know how else to express it. She really does it from a place of love and doesn't have the same understanding of health and fitness that my generation does.

When you get the sweets, send her a huge thank you! And then put them in the trash ASAP. Just don't bother to tell her anything at this point. She wants to do it and make you happy so let her be happy. But do what you need to do.

Do you have any free little pantries in the neighborhood? Great way to have your kids learn to donate and get rid of the candy.

Tell her to stop sending them.

You need to set a firm and clear boundary. Let her know they will go directly in the trash ifshe sends them.

I would set aside some to give the kids and then take the rest into the office or offer on a "buy nothing" group.

Tell your mother not to send it. Failing that, give the kids a bit and gift the rest at the office. Or at a local hospital - I understand that doctors and nurses get peckish, especially night shift who never gets the day shift’s goodies.

For the people saying it’s horrible to eat your kid’s food, I am guessing they are underestimating the quantities here. If somebody sends a perishable treat that will go stale before the child in question can finish it all, it’s pretty normal to just put it in the pantry for everyone to have at.

Here’s how we handle treats in my house:
Each of my kids has a mason jar with their name on it and after any big holiday, we toss any old expired candy still in the jar and replace with their favorite stuff from the new pile. Anything that doesn’t fit gets tossed. They always have their candy in the house, but it’s not so much that it’s overwhelming to keep track of (or so much that it takes them 20 minutes to pick a treat). They get something sweet on e a day or so—usually popsicles or sliced apple with peanut butter dip and I’ll mix in mini choc chips, but twice a week or so they have something from their little jar and we’ve never run out. Between holidays, birthday parties, random school stuff—there’s always and influx of candy so we get more than they could ever eat having a normal sized dessert nightly.

Whatever she sends them, food or otherwise, you are not automatically entitled to. I’m an emotional eater as well, but I don’t go around eating other people’s food. Presumably (hopefully), if you’ve worked some place with a shared refrigerator, you don’t raid other people’s lunches. Don’t raid your kids candy. Whether you’re able to change your mother’s habits, Halloween is coming up and this will still be an issue.

If your mom is sending you candy, I think you can absolutely ask her to stop, maybe switch to something else (nuts, fruit baskets, teas, books, craft supplies, notepads, etc. - whatever your preferred treat would be)

If you feel the candy is a problem for your kids, then I think you’re fully entitled as a parent to ask her to stop, suggest alternatives, and if necessary dispose of the candy. If the only problem with her sending them candy is your lack of self-control (which I also have problems with), then I think it’s unfair to both your mom and kids to stop something that brings them joy because it makes you uncomfortable. I understand binging on all the food I have in the house, but I recognize that it’s not all mine. You might try physically separating it, letting the kids keep it in their rooms or in an out of the way drawer, shelf, or box, that is for THEIR treats (or even stuff in general) that you just avoid.

I do sympathize. I’m 30 pounds overweight (down from 45) and am just finishing off a bag of fried onions that I started last night after finishing a bag of candy. I should probably follow your example and avoid bringing junk home. You’re already ahead of me. You just need to reclassify available food from all food within the house to all food not claimed by others within the house. The candy is theirs, so it is no more an available option than the food in the neighbor’s kitchen - it’s not yours to even consider.

Anonymous wrote:Op, of course you tell her. . If she ignores you just throw them out.

This.

Anonymous wrote:She’s doing it to f$& with you. Show me one normal grandmother who sends large amounts of sweets in good faith.

Yep. My psycho MIL sends multiple boxes of cookies for holidays. Like what you might get for a large team of people, a whole department. My H thinks it's in kindness but I know she is jealous that I'm fit and wonders why everyone in her family is morbidly obese.