Anonymous wrote:How old are these parents who don't travel to you? Are they traveling other places? Older folks do sometimes have medical issues they don't talk about - frequently bathroom issues, back pain in the car. Becoming disoriented driving. Can't drive long distance and that may be anything longer than 4 hours. I never knew that "the last time" my parents visited would be the last time. They didn't know that either. Time passed and then there seemed to be no more visits. I guess I had not realized how hard it had become for them to travel and I guess they always thought it would get better.

Understandable now, less so when they were in their 50s and flying across the country to see other siblings with children, but too busy to meet up with me or stay over 90 minutes away.

I'm sorry about your parents btw. That's hard to think about.

Anonymous wrote:How old are these parents who don't travel to you? Are they traveling other places? Older folks do sometimes have medical issues they don't talk about - frequently bathroom issues, back pain in the car. Becoming disoriented driving. Can't drive long distance and that may be anything longer than 4 hours. I never knew that "the last time" my parents visited would be the last time. They didn't know that either. Time passed and then there seemed to be no more visits. I guess I had not realized how hard it had become for them to travel and I guess they always thought it would get better.

In their early 70s but they're still working and perfectly capable of traveling. They just got back from a 3-week multi-stop european vacation a few days ago and are regularly going to the beach for the weekend.

^ pre covid, btw

How old are these parents who don't travel to you? Are they traveling other places? Older folks do sometimes have medical issues they don't talk about - frequently bathroom issues, back pain in the car. Becoming disoriented driving. Can't drive long distance and that may be anything longer than 4 hours. I never knew that "the last time" my parents visited would be the last time. They didn't know that either. Time passed and then there seemed to be no more visits. I guess I had not realized how hard it had become for them to travel and I guess they always thought it would get better.

Anonymous wrote:Married but no kids yet. I wish my parents would visit us. They live an hour away and have only visited a couple times since we moved to DC 6-7 years ago. It sucks. We always end up driving to them. Even worse is when they complain that they haven't seen us for a few weeks. If that happens I now ask them to come down to DC literally at that moment to hang out. They never come. I don't get it - they don't really do anything.

That is really hard. My parents do come see me but not nearly as often as I go see them. And I really do chafe when my mom - who I adore - starts saying how much she misses me and wishes we could see each other. When I suggest she comes to visit, she has a hundred reasons why she can't do it.\

One time when I was living far far away, overseas, she did this. Then I was flying back for a visit - stopping first in New York before I came to see my folks. I suggested they come meet me in New York, which is three hours from where they live. Nah, too far. I'd flown literally 24 hours, including stopovers, to get there.

I love my parents. I really do appreciate the times they have made an effort. Before COVID, they used to come once a year to stay with me and my husband (no kids). Hopefully they will come this year sometime! I love them and miss them!!

Married but no kids yet. I wish my parents would visit us. They live an hour away and have only visited a couple times since we moved to DC 6-7 years ago. It sucks. We always end up driving to them. Even worse is when they complain that they haven't seen us for a few weeks. If that happens I now ask them to come down to DC literally at that moment to hang out. They never come. I don't get it - they don't really do anything.

Our son (24) comes home for holidays and we have been to visit him (plane ride distance, not driving) - we keep it short, stay in a hotel, encourage him to bring friends to meals on us, and make sure we schedule downtime when we do our own thing.

Like many PP, I think it is very important to validate your adult children's new jobs/cities/friends.

It also provides new ground for relationship to grow - when adult kids return to home often the family reverts to old ways with parents/children/siblings that are hard to shake.

A side note ~ I try to help facilitate (financially) my children seeing each other. As working adults and before visiting each other's colleges (out of state, far away)

Want to add, mine are recently out of college, so I tend to figure out a way that it's convenient to run into a grocery store, and then offer to stock their kitchen
We will also take them out to dinner, either alone or with friends, their choice.

Not an issue for us financially, and they are in entry level jobs, not making tons of money.