Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Even for a casual school friend you have never met? Different wealth levels gave different customs.

Well, presumably my CHILD would have met this casual school friend. So they would get $200 with a card from my child. Are you not understanding the months of prep work that go into this, after years of hebrew school, all the prayers that have to be memorized, how big a deal this is in the jewish religion? We think it's a very big deal to be celebrated.

I sure do because I had one myself. It is a big deal spiritually but it is not about gifts. These threads are embarrassing to me.

Like any gift giving, it's what you can afford. $20 does sound low. I'm Jewish and do versions of 18 but if that feels weird to you, don't do it.

50 or 100 if just the kid is invited? (I do 54 for a kid who isn't really a friend, like if they invite the whole class. 118 for a better friend).

If we're invited too, the most I've done is 360 but theys for a MUCH closer person. It's not typically in my budget. $180 for general family friends.

I don't believe the above story about getting a note back saying they should have given 500. Maybe you felt judged for your $100 but I promise most people wouldn't think twice about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wonder if the same person starts these threads every few months so people can other brag about the vast sums they give or make others feel inadequate because the gift was not related to 18. Either way most of the posters should consider the impression they make.

I think some people just wake up one day, are invited to the first bar/bat mitzvah of their life, and just ... wonder. I don't think it's as deep as you think it is. I'm one of the people who says the absolute minimum we would ever give is $200 and don't consider that a brag at all - it's actually the same figure many gave my siblings and I in the late 80's/early 90's.

You would expect this from school aged friends coming solo to the event? My kid has gotten a lot of casual acquaintances invites from classmates and I would never give $200. That’s what I gave to my youngest cousin who just graduated from high school and we are close!

Well, I know not to expect it from people who grew up in the DMV, South or Midwest. You should give whatever you're comfortable with, as does my family.

Our Jewish family:

Kids get invited, we don't know the family: $54
Kids invited, we know the family well $108

Family invited, not close friends: $180 (there are 4 of us)
Family invited, close friends, $288 and up

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wonder if the same person starts these threads every few months so people can other brag about the vast sums they give or make others feel inadequate because the gift was not related to 18. Either way most of the posters should consider the impression they make.

I think some people just wake up one day, are invited to the first bar/bat mitzvah of their life, and just ... wonder. I don't think it's as deep as you think it is. I'm one of the people who says the absolute minimum we would ever give is $200 and don't consider that a brag at all - it's actually the same figure many gave my siblings and I in the late 80's/early 90's.

You would expect this from school aged friends coming solo to the event? My kid has gotten a lot of casual acquaintances invites from classmates and I would never give $200. That’s what I gave to my youngest cousin who just graduated from high school and we are close!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Even for a casual school friend you have never met? Different wealth levels gave different customs.

Well, presumably my CHILD would have met this casual school friend. So they would get $200 with a card from my child. Are you not understanding the months of prep work that go into this, after years of hebrew school, all the prayers that have to be memorized, how big a deal this is in the jewish religion? We think it's a very big deal to be celebrated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Even for a casual school friend you have never met? Different wealth levels gave different customs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

WOW. Are you local?

At that time we lived in Chevy Chase. Party was in Bethesda.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

WOW. Are you local?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

We are jewish and would find $100 to be on the lowest end of what our children received, but we would NEVER comment on it. That's an awful note.

Anonymous wrote:Quick side question -- do you send a gift if you cannot go?

We always do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe someone would write that! Then again, this is the DC area and people are a nasty combination of ruthless and shameless.

That person would never hear from me again.

I laughed at her but a few years later received an invitation to her daughter's wedding shower and did not attend but sent a $10.00 amazon gift card. Haven't heard from her since then.

I would declined and sent nothing but yours is funnier!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe someone would write that! Then again, this is the DC area and people are a nasty combination of ruthless and shameless.

That person would never hear from me again.

I laughed at her but a few years later received an invitation to her daughter's wedding shower and did not attend but sent a $10.00 amazon gift card. Haven't heard from her since then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t give a substantial gift, there’s no point in going. Don’t embarrass yourself and the hosts.

Right. We are not Jewish but gave $100 and was told by hostess mother that "most people have $500."! I kept her "personal note" to me and it is verbatim:

'Thank you for the $100. The average gift was $500 but we know that not everyone can afford this amount and Larlo appreciates all gifts."

I suspect that she thought that I would send her another $400. I did not.

What the F.

omg that is disgusting. and I'm Jewish and I am appalled someone would write that.

Send $ in increments of $18.