Anonymous wrote:Yikes.

He is bad news. Mental disorder bad news.

I’m so sorry Op.

Pls see an experienced therapist individually, tell them what’s been going on, get strong, and leave.

Last sentence, do it.

I feel like antidepressants for you might help you realize you are tolerating abuse you shouldn’t tolerate, and that you deserve better.

In my experience, as the spouse of someone with severe mental illness, treatment for him is going to be more complicated and involve more moving pieces that one antidepressant. Since you aren’t co-parenting, I would walk away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High dose Lexapro is usually subscribed for anger mgmt people. Must be taken daily, at same time, no skipping. His GP could provide this if he’s able to tell them he’s having problems. It may help somewhat but his toxic behavior and insulting communication style may be fully ingrained by now. Likely because it has worked for decades - gets him off the hook, attacks the other person’s personhood, avoids conflict resolution, protects his ego & image. While simultaneously breaking down the victim, you. Overtime you will be a shell of the person you once were.

OP here. Thank you for addressing my question. Lexapro is what I had in mind. What constitutes a high dose?

And, yes, everyone, I do recognize this as emotional abuse and have told him that, which of course he finds very offensive. I agree I can't put up with this forever, but I want to try all possible solutions before giving up.

Please find a therapist that specializes in abuse for
Individual counseling. You need help
Sorting through this.

It seems like your husband is starting fights as an excuse to leave for two weeks. Are you sure he’s not having an affair?

Is he open to trying medication and therapy? I’m shocked that someone who goes to this extreme to avoid apologizing would consider that. I’d also worry about him taking it regularly.

Anonymous wrote:High dose Lexapro is usually subscribed for anger mgmt people. Must be taken daily, at same time, no skipping. His GP could provide this if he’s able to tell them he’s having problems. It may help somewhat but his toxic behavior and insulting communication style may be fully ingrained by now. Likely because it has worked for decades - gets him off the hook, attacks the other person’s personhood, avoids conflict resolution, protects his ego & image. While simultaneously breaking down the victim, you. Overtime you will be a shell of the person you once were.

OP here. Thank you for addressing my question. Lexapro is what I had in mind. What constitutes a high dose?

And, yes, everyone, I do recognize this as emotional abuse and have told him that, which of course he finds very offensive. I agree I can't put up with this forever, but I want to try all possible solutions before giving up.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you think all of this text is helpful, but if this is your method of communication with your DH, you are simply exhausting.

You need professional communication therapy help. Why are you automatically jumping to medication when this is a communication problem you can both work to fix?

Look in the mirror. You are rude and added nothing.

Anonymous wrote:Idk, neither DH nor I need an apology and have been married for 30 years. We've said it to each other a couple times. Honestly, I'd say less than 6 in 30 years. Mostly, we either 1) don't do anything bad enough 2) a hug fixes things, or quickly mentally moving on. Op, knowing all marriages/people are different, maybe explore why DH (or you) seek drama. Or have sought it with your choice of a mate.

Yeah.
I wonder why he waits until married and then escalates a person voicing a concern or question with attacking them and avoiding answering?
Must be the victims fault!

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you think all of this text is helpful, but if this is your method of communication with your DH, you are simply exhausting.

You need professional communication therapy help. Why are you automatically jumping to medication when this is a communication problem you can both work to fix?

This dude ain’t fixing squat. All talk, no action, right back to his verbal abuse.

High dose Lexapro is usually subscribed for anger mgmt people. Must be taken daily, at same time, no skipping. His GP could provide this if he’s able to tell them he’s having problems. It may help somewhat but his toxic behavior and insulting communication style may be fully ingrained by now. Likely because it has worked for decades - gets him off the hook, attacks the other person’s personhood, avoids conflict resolution, protects his ego & image. While simultaneously breaking down the victim, you. Overtime you will be a shell of the person you once were.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you think all of this text is helpful, but if this is your method of communication with your DH, you are simply exhausting.

You need professional communication therapy help. Why are you automatically jumping to medication when this is a communication problem you can both work to fix?

+1. This

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you think all of this text is helpful, but if this is your method of communication with your DH, you are simply exhausting.

You need professional communication therapy help. Why are you automatically jumping to medication when this is a communication problem you can both work to fix?

+1. This

Idk, neither DH nor I need an apology and have been married for 30 years. We've said it to each other a couple times. Honestly, I'd say less than 6 in 30 years. Mostly, we either 1) don't do anything bad enough 2) a hug fixes things, or quickly mentally moving on. Op, knowing all marriages/people are different, maybe explore why DH (or you) seek drama. Or have sought it with your choice of a mate.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes.

He is bad news. Mental disorder bad news.

I’m so sorry Op.

Pls see an experienced therapist individually, tell them what’s been going on, get strong, and leave.

Trauma or DV therapist, phD level. You are in an abuse cycle and suffering from Ongoing Trauma Syndrome. Stay healthy.

Anonymous wrote:So you are walking on eggshells in your relationship?

There is no magical pill that can halt anger.
Plus, no one legally has to be medicated, even with severe mental issues.

You can try joint therapy to discuss how to communicate when angry and to discuss these big/deal things involving lying and trust that cause the anger on both of your parts.

Have you ever had a discussion with your spouse or with his ex-wife as to why his marriage failed? It would be interesting to talk with his ex-wife.

No couples therapy with a liar and abuser.