I think you needed to be more firm with your boundaries. In groups kids definitely push boundaries more.

Teachers manage 25 kids daily.

Anonymous wrote:12 girls was way too many. They all fed off each other’s excitement and things got out of control.

Right. And I’m sure someone was the ringleader. That doesn’t snake her a bad kid but she was overexcited and might struggle with boundaries. I would stick to smaller parties from now on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they special needs?

Why do you ask?

Lack of awareness of own behavior, difficulty with group situations, potential medication wearing off, not being able to say hey I’m not doing that, lack of respect/ awareness/ experience being in someone else’s home, might generally be more hyper than neurological peers, lack of awareness for property of others, etc.

I once had a sleepover with 5 or 6 SN kids once ages 8-10, we had 3 adults specifically trained in working with SN children there and it was still a bit chaotic, though not nearly as bad as what OP described.

*neurotypical, not neurological

I have hosted and been to parties for kids this age who have SN and never seen behavior such as OP describes.

Sounds like these girls are NT. Can’t blame this one on the kid with SN.

Anonymous wrote:My child and her friends (also 9 year old girls) would NEVER behave this way. That said, I would also never have 12 girls over at the same time, what were you thinking??? For that large a number, I would have done a venue party.

We’ve had at least 10 parties with 15-20 kids at a time and nothing like this has ever happened. I’m sorry this happened to OP; those girls sound terrible

Anonymous wrote:I have had 7-8 kids at my house for a sleepover, and I made it very clear that misbehavior will result in being sent home.

I think there was a Queen Bee in that group of girls and your kid was not it. What you have described is pretty unusual.

This.

Also - were you the only adult there?

When I had a sleepover for my 8th birthday in the stone ages, my mom had one friend help the night before, and another the next morning.

I’ve been in a chaotic sleepover situation like this. I was older, maybe 11-12, but there were definitely two girls competing to be the most “fun” or “wild”. The friends I remember doing it were never people I liked, but popular girls who were good at getting everyone to go along with their plans for fear of being left out. They also had socially connected parents, so other parents included the girls because the parents were in charge of a lot of important stuff in the community. The “wild” girls had sisters who were finishing high school or in college when we were in late elementary, so I’m sure their antics seemed minor to their parents and they were rarely disciplined.

In your case, I bet a lot of these girls haven’t been in a large group situation outside of school? If they didn’t practice at 6,7 and 8 because of Covid restrictions, they didn’t experience the gradual loosening of the reins that happens naturally as parents stop attending parties after preschool/K.

I’ve also seen this dynamic bubble up at swim team parties in the summer, but it usually gets shut down before things go crazy. More than 5-6 girls can be a lot as PPs have said.

I hosted 14 9-10yos for a sleepover for DD’s 10th bday and none do them behaved like that at all. Sounds like a bad group dynamic or a couple of bad eggs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they special needs?

Why do you ask?

Lack of awareness of own behavior, difficulty with group situations, potential medication wearing off, not being able to say hey I’m not doing that, lack of respect/ awareness/ experience being in someone else’s home, might generally be more hyper than neurological peers, lack of awareness for property of others, etc.

I once had a sleepover with 5 or 6 SN kids once ages 8-10, we had 3 adults specifically trained in working with SN children there and it was still a bit chaotic, though not nearly as bad as what OP described.

*neurotypical, not neurological

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they special needs?

Why do you ask?

Lack of awareness of own behavior, difficulty with group situations, potential medication wearing off, not being able to say hey I’m not doing that, lack of respect/ awareness/ experience being in someone else’s home, might generally be more hyper than neurological peers, lack of awareness for property of others, etc.

I once had a sleepover with 5 or 6 SN kids once ages 8-10, we had 3 adults specifically trained in working with SN children there and it was still a bit chaotic, though not nearly as bad as what OP described.

What did your child say about their behavior? Is she just as mortified?
I had some girls over at 9 many many years ago when I was 9, and one of them opened a kitchen cupboard hoping to find cookies. Another girl told her that it was impolite to do so without asking.
What happened in your house is just crazy. Did all invited show up or you invited even more? Very strange that none had other plans. I think I see why it got crazy - the kids never get to do anything or go anywhere,

My child and her friends (also 9 year old girls) would NEVER behave this way. That said, I would also never have 12 girls over at the same time, what were you thinking??? For that large a number, I would have done a venue party.

Anonymous wrote:12 is nuts

We've had 12 kids over no problem. It's not the number - it's the specific girls' dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:Neither of my kids would ever act like this.

Same. And my kids would also be uncomfortable with other kids behaving so badly. I've raised them that if their friends are out of control, to come get me to help. Destroying the house is completely unacceptable.

Anonymous wrote:Are they special needs?

Why do you ask?

White people problems?