Anonymous wrote:We’re not in Rolex leagues but we will consult with each other before buying an expensive item.

Same. We have an agreed upon amount and discuss/mention it over that amount.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he is making the money and spent on something that he likes. What's the big deal? He is not spending your money.

They are married. Both their money.

Well, OP can get a high paying job and contribute in family's income too. I think it is very controlling of her to not work and still feeling insecure about this. Seems like her ego is hurt and it is more to satisfy it.

She is contributing to their income so that her husband doesn't have to pay for childcare. Maybe she should start charging him. And buy a Rolex.

I never purchase high ticket items for myself so it’s not an issue nor does my husband. Big ticket items tend to be home related so we will discuss them but if we need it my husband knows I’ve done my research. If I needed a new car I’d tell him why but he’s leave it all up to me. He knows I have no interest in a luxury SUV despite our having a very high NW.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he is making the money and spent on something that he likes. What's the big deal? He is not spending your money.

They are married. Both their money.

Well, OP can get a high paying job and contribute in family's income too. I think it is very controlling of her to not work and still feeling insecure about this. Seems like her ego is hurt and it is more to satisfy it.

When you sign a marriage contract you agree that marital income and assets are for both spouses. It's an understanding based on the law. It has nothing to do with ego or control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he is making the money and spent on something that he likes. What's the big deal? He is not spending your money.

They are married. Both their money.

Well, OP can get a high paying job and contribute in family's income too. I think it is very controlling of her to not work and still feeling insecure about this. Seems like her ego is hurt and it is more to satisfy it.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a sahm and Dh earns a high income. We don’t ask one another but I will give Dh a heads up if I’m buying something expensive. Dh bought a Rolex and didn’t mention it. He already has a Rolex. I am totally fine with him getting one but feel like he should have mentioned it.

Do you tell your spouse about high ticket items?
Does it matter if one spouse is the only one earning an income?

Ridiculous. Humble brag. Please get over yourself.

Only if they are over 10K and come from earned income.

Knowing details about certain purchases diminishes my husbands enjoyment. Our vacations, for example. He had a long student frugal period getting his degrees and so it’s hard for him to shake the fact that you **could** save $700 by taking a longer layover or a connecting flight. But if he doesn’t see the price he can enjoy the direct business class flight and the comfort and convenience without remembering he COULD have saved money.

Same with our daughter— he would buy all of her clothes at Old Navy and never coordinate her shoes or headband but he loves when people tell him how beautiful our toddler is and how perfect she looks.

Lifestyle purchases are in my lane and so I get the dates and location better for vacation and the amount of money stays between me and my bank. He trusts me that I’m a responsible manager of money and I do the same on our mortgage rates and other investments that he manages.

Anonymous wrote:I talk about large purchases with DH. He does not with me. I do it because I need validation that it’s okay. I already know the answer before I bring it up.

Since no one in the house is lacking for anything and the college/investment/retirement accounts have plenty, it doesn’t phase me that DH doesn’t discuss large purchases with me.

*faze

We usually discuss any purchase that are beyond every day expenses. I might say I bought an expensive jacket or dress or shoes after the fact, but a piece of jewelry that is several thousand, I would never do that w/o discussing first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell your spouse about high ticket items?
Does it matter if one spouse is the only one earning an income?

1. yes
2. no

+1

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell your spouse about high ticket items?
Does it matter if one spouse is the only one earning an income?

1. yes
2. no

OP, what constitutes a big expense is going to vary by couple and time. My husband will tell me things like “I replaced the speaker in the living room because it was bricked and there was a sale” rather than asking me if he can spend $200 or whatever to get a new speaker. We are at a place now where we don’t need to budget for things like that closely, vs a few years ago when the speaker would’ve needed to be planned for.

Maybe your husband didn’t feel like he needed that disclose that he bought a new/another watch. Maybe he just sees it as a watch, not a big expense.

Anonymous wrote:OP, he is making the money and spent on something that he likes. What's the big deal? He is not spending your money.

They are married. Both their money.

I would if it’s anything over $1000 or something really not necessary. I think the amount though depends on your financial situation and would agree upon an amount together that it should be discussed before spending. If he isn’t buying Rolexes every day and you can genuinely afford it I wouldn’t harp on that specific thing. In general though it’s good to have agreed upon limits for discretionary spending no matter who is directly making the money since it’s both of yours. If I think creating a daily 2-5 minutes conversation around finances helps because you’re not just nagging over every purchase. Oh hey went to dollar tree today, Can you believe it’s not a dollar anymore, I spent $40 instead of my usual $30. Then DS told me he will be needing new cleats so I’ll look into getting those next week, etc. Just throwing it into daily conversation makes it easier to discuss these awkward / uncertain situations that might arise like random Rolexes.