Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dating a man who used to have fifty fifty custody and now has full custody due to the mom being a screw up (she moved away and is not financially or physically caring for the kids).

I would not start out dating someone who has full custody. If he had had full custody when we met, I would t have gone out with him. Men with full custody just don’t have enough time to be a good boyfriend. If he and I ever break up I will not date anyone else with full custody.

Move on

Does this also apply to women with full custody? (A much larger group…)

No, women are much better at multi-tasking. Sorry.

They've studied this and women aren't.

+1, it's giving learned helplessness

slow down. be patient. get to know him. chill some on looking to remarry and get more comfortable with yourself and being independent. it sounds like he will introduce the daughter to someone hes serious about and could see possibly marrying but not everyone he dates. thats fine and healthy (and somewhat normal good parenting advice). give it time. its hard for ppl who dont have 100% custody to understand and not take the availability limitations personally. it could take real confidence and empathy on your part. take a cautious risk. dont rush recklessly into it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dating a man who used to have fifty fifty custody and now has full custody due to the mom being a screw up (she moved away and is not financially or physically caring for the kids).

I would not start out dating someone who has full custody. If he had had full custody when we met, I would t have gone out with him. Men with full custody just don’t have enough time to be a good boyfriend. If he and I ever break up I will not date anyone else with full custody.

Move on

Does this also apply to women with full custody? (A much larger group…)

Yes. I’m a single mom by choice to 2 kids. Obviously I have full custody. There is no time to date or down time. During the day I work. Sure if a guy wants to come over for the 12 min break I have between meetings, ok. But it’s not realistic. He could come over and work from my house during the day I guess. But that’s not much of a date and I’ll be showing him the door by 3pm. In any case, it takes a while to get to that point in a relationship and I don’t have the time to put in to make it work.

Given the choice of going out to dinner on a date or showing up at my kids soccer/baseball/hockey/gymnastics event, kid wins every time.

I think I would be more concerned if woman has 100% custody. Men usually don't take 100% custody unless they know they could do it in the right way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dating a man who used to have fifty fifty custody and now has full custody due to the mom being a screw up (she moved away and is not financially or physically caring for the kids).

I would not start out dating someone who has full custody. If he had had full custody when we met, I would t have gone out with him. Men with full custody just don’t have enough time to be a good boyfriend. If he and I ever break up I will not date anyone else with full custody.

Move on

Does this also apply to women with full custody? (A much larger group…)

No, women are much better at multi-tasking. Sorry.

Could be but there is always an issue when the dad is not around. It shows your choices of a man to have kids. Run!

OP, the issue you face is not him having 100% custody: it's him using it as an excuse for not showing you his house. I never dated or even slept with men who didn't invite me to their house. In fact, it's very manly to bring women to "their territory" for sex if they consider LT relationship with the woman. I would only have first sex at man's house or a "neutral" place like a hotel (with expectation to be invited to his house next time). I also invite them for tea at my place but never have first sex in my own house, only on reciprocity basis. The only guy I knew with a 50/50 custody who was always super busy turned out to be married. I never slept with him because of the trust issues with him being unavailable at his house from the very beginning.


His daughter is older than 10: she must have some after school activities, or weekend sleepovers herself when he could have you over, right?

Anonymous wrote:I am dating a man who used to have fifty fifty custody and now has full custody due to the mom being a screw up (she moved away and is not financially or physically caring for the kids).

I would not start out dating someone who has full custody. If he had had full custody when we met, I would t have gone out with him. Men with full custody just don’t have enough time to be a good boyfriend. If he and I ever break up I will not date anyone else with full custody.

Move on

I’m in a similar situation. They were 50/50 when we met and he had free time half the time. She’s a total nutbag and stopped seeing the kids at all for a few years. Now she’s sort of back but one wants absolutely nothing to do with her so is with my SO all the time. It makes it very, very difficult to maintain an adult relationship when there’s very little adult time. I’m not sure I would have pursued this relationship had it been this way when we’d met. But I’m all in now.

OP I think you need to let this one go. He’s out up too many barriers for a healthy adult relationship. Maybe once his kids get older, or if he's willing to include you and them together something may be more viable down the road. But I’m not sure how your scenario would even work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dating a man who used to have fifty fifty custody and now has full custody due to the mom being a screw up (she moved away and is not financially or physically caring for the kids).

I would not start out dating someone who has full custody. If he had had full custody when we met, I would t have gone out with him. Men with full custody just don’t have enough time to be a good boyfriend. If he and I ever break up I will not date anyone else with full custody.

Move on

Does this also apply to women with full custody? (A much larger group…)

No, women are much better at multi-tasking. Sorry.

They've studied this and women aren't.

I will never even consider marrying someone if I have never been to their house. I won't even be exclusive with someone if I have never entered their house. It's one of the places I need to visit to feel close to someone.

If his having full custody means you will not be able to enter his home until he proposes to you, it's a non starter. Move on.

Obviously you can't consider marriage with someone with 100% custody until you see if you like who he is as a father. I understand he's not your baby daddy, but some people treat their partners very differently when their kids are around, and not in a good way. For example, there's a whole body of literature about single father's and "mini wives" and the actual wife in that situation is never happy. I would be pretty hesitant about this relationship, but it could still turn out great. I'd probably keep an emotional distance until you meet the daughter, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dating a man who used to have fifty fifty custody and now has full custody due to the mom being a screw up (she moved away and is not financially or physically caring for the kids).

I would not start out dating someone who has full custody. If he had had full custody when we met, I would t have gone out with him. Men with full custody just don’t have enough time to be a good boyfriend. If he and I ever break up I will not date anyone else with full custody.

Move on

Does this also apply to women with full custody? (A much larger group…)

No, women are much better at multi-tasking. Sorry.

reverse the genders and the "advice and commentary" here would be dramatically different. some of you are seriously f*cked up people.

Anonymous wrote:How and when do you two date? As in where was the kid when u had your first date? Where do you go for sex? I think your double life comment sounded to spy fantasy for most people. It does sound like he is married. Do you believe he may not have a daughter? My husband worked with a guy who talked about his daughter.. turns out he never actually had one. There indeed some sick people out there. I would move on if for no other reason that I wouldn’t want to be with someone who would essentially force me to break an engagement because he refused to allow me to meet his kid. It is cruel to the kid and paints me as the bad guy. Find someone else to date.

Who the hell do you know that decided they are dating someone they want to marry to being engaged the next day?

I can't think of single emotionally mature adult who behaves that way or one that would blame a break up on a.kid.
I'm convinced this forum is populated by 18 year olds.

There's plenty of ways for OP and her boyfriend to go on dates and have sex and for OP to verify he has a child and is not married without meeting his daughter which what sounds like a very new relationship.

How and when do you two date? As in where was the kid when u had your first date? Where do you go for sex? I think your double life comment sounded to spy fantasy for most people. It does sound like he is married. Do you believe he may not have a daughter? My husband worked with a guy who talked about his daughter.. turns out he never actually had one. There indeed some sick people out there. I would move on if for no other reason that I wouldn’t want to be with someone who would essentially force me to break an engagement because he refused to allow me to meet his kid. It is cruel to the kid and paints me as the bad guy. Find someone else to date.

Anonymous wrote:I am dating a man who used to have fifty fifty custody and now has full custody due to the mom being a screw up (she moved away and is not financially or physically caring for the kids).

I would not start out dating someone who has full custody. If he had had full custody when we met, I would t have gone out with him. Men with full custody just don’t have enough time to be a good boyfriend. If he and I ever break up I will not date anyone else with full custody.

Move on

Does this also apply to women with full custody? (A much larger group…)