Anonymous
08/26/2022 22:01
Subject: Re:How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
This is hard to handle. In our case, I suspect that anxiety is the cause. I noticed it even more on the phone today, and it seemed like any silence is considered scary and must be filled with words, words about anything.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 21:08
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
This sounds like an aunt of mine who was always an “external processor” but after she had a stroke she really lost the ability to stop ever. I agree that a neuro eval could be helpful. There’s nothing you can do as an outsider though, aside from decide how much you can manage and then give that and no more. I call her occasionally while I am paying bills or something and let her blather on over the phone so she feels like we connected.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 20:04
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At what point is someone considered a compulsive talker? I have a spouse who greets me with the verbal equivalent of a wall of text at the end of each day including very detailed things that no one else would probably care about that happened. Nothing can interrupt and it’s hard to defer to a quieter time (for instance when kids aren’t around asking for stuff). It’s intense and one-way, and sometimes gets retold a few times over the course of an evening or few days, and continues even when I say I’ve already heard the story. But it’s not all the time and only about a few subjects (work and news). I’ve been trying to understand if this is just an extreme form of venting or more disordered.
OP here. This sounds reminiscent of what I’m hearing. Especially the “very detailed things that no one else caree about that happened.”
Is your spouse employed and returning home with this impenetrable wall of words? My relative does work full time and I should have said earlier she is very competent in multiple areas of life - professional, parenting, family, auto maintenance, appearance, home maintenance etc.
The one and only outlier area is this speech thing, which has crossed the line into pathological.
Yes, exactly. Employed, did very well, very competent in most areas (and overall an enjoyable person!), but requires a lot of attention and support in this one area and it’s exhausting! I just always wonder if it’s a personality quirk or something more diagnosable
Anonymous
08/26/2022 15:19
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
My FIL had verbal diarrhea when he was in a poorly medicated manic phase of bipolar disorder. Just needed to tweak the meds.
My BIL is a non-stop talker and cleverly chose a profession where he needs to talk all day. We've all learned to interject things, stop him when we need to get across vital information, and just stand up, say goodbye loudly and leave when it's time to leave. He's probably ADHD, with hyperlexia, but we're an ADHD family, and he's the only one with the talking problem.
My BIL is a non-stop talker and cleverly chose a profession where he needs to talk all day. We've all learned to interject things, stop him when we need to get across vital information, and just stand up, say goodbye loudly and leave when it's time to leave. He's probably ADHD, with hyperlexia, but we're an ADHD family, and he's the only one with the talking problem.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 15:08
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
My introvert mom became a compulsive talker as she aged. The good thing was that she didn’t seem to care if you ignored her. When other relatives complained about the talking I gave them this tip and they used it, and Mom still seemed perfectly happy. I don’t know whether the talking was related to her diagnosis of brain cancer a year later.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 14:58
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
Anonymous wrote:Aging can make this a lot worse. My mom has always talked a lot but used to be able to "read the room" a lot better.
+1. My mom was a nonstop talker and I was a good listener so I learned every detail of every person in her life. Don’t think I would have put up with it as long with someone else. Now she has a poor memory so she often sits silently. Aging will take care of the problem eventually.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 14:51
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
Aging can make this a lot worse. My mom has always talked a lot but used to be able to "read the room" a lot better.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 14:32
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
Anonymous wrote:If be interested in advice about this, too. I know one woman who does the same thing, greets you with the equivalent of a verbal wall of text, including details nobody cares about or could possibly remember. Every convo revolves around her. She’s pretty much alienated any possible friends and her boyfriend of several years recently gave up. I was on the point of saying something in a kind way, but she recently got a medical diagnosis that calls for surgery and I seem to be the only person who is around here to help after the surgery, etc.
I’d love some inoffensive catch phrases, if anybody has one. Obviously I’d wait until she’s recovered to say anything.
Should add, I want to support her through her medical crisis. She needs support. But I’m losing my mind.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 14:21
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
If be interested in advice about this, too. I know one woman who does the same thing, greets you with the equivalent of a verbal wall of text, including details nobody cares about or could possibly remember. Every convo revolves around her. She’s pretty much alienated any possible friends and her boyfriend of several years recently gave up. I was on the point of saying something in a kind way, but she recently got a medical diagnosis that calls for surgery and I seem to be the only person who is around here to help after the surgery, etc.
I’d love some inoffensive catch phrases, if anybody has one. Obviously I’d wait until she’s recovered to say anything.
I’d love some inoffensive catch phrases, if anybody has one. Obviously I’d wait until she’s recovered to say anything.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 13:26
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
Anonymous wrote:At what point is someone considered a compulsive talker? I have a spouse who greets me with the verbal equivalent of a wall of text at the end of each day including very detailed things that no one else would probably care about that happened. Nothing can interrupt and it’s hard to defer to a quieter time (for instance when kids aren’t around asking for stuff). It’s intense and one-way, and sometimes gets retold a few times over the course of an evening or few days, and continues even when I say I’ve already heard the story. But it’s not all the time and only about a few subjects (work and news). I’ve been trying to understand if this is just an extreme form of venting or more disordered.
OP here. This sounds reminiscent of what I’m hearing. Especially the “very detailed things that no one else caree about that happened.”
Is your spouse employed and returning home with this impenetrable wall of words? My relative does work full time and I should have said earlier she is very competent in multiple areas of life - professional, parenting, family, auto maintenance, appearance, home maintenance etc.
The one and only outlier area is this speech thing, which has crossed the line into pathological.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 13:13
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
At what point is someone considered a compulsive talker? I have a spouse who greets me with the verbal equivalent of a wall of text at the end of each day including very detailed things that no one else would probably care about that happened. Nothing can interrupt and it’s hard to defer to a quieter time (for instance when kids aren’t around asking for stuff). It’s intense and one-way, and sometimes gets retold a few times over the course of an evening or few days, and continues even when I say I’ve already heard the story. But it’s not all the time and only about a few subjects (work and news). I’ve been trying to understand if this is just an extreme form of venting or more disordered.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 12:02
Subject: Re:How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
First, I am really interested in what her reaction has been to you calling her attention to the issue - you say you've been nice, you've been nasty, you've suggested seeing someone, and you've walked away while she's talking. How does she react to that?
Second, have you spoken to her spouse directly and asked if he's taken her to the doctor?
She obviously needs to be evaluated by a doctor and I'd assume testing by a neurologist might be in order. If this is someone really close to you I think you should contact the spouse with your concerns.
Second, have you spoken to her spouse directly and asked if he's taken her to the doctor?
She obviously needs to be evaluated by a doctor and I'd assume testing by a neurologist might be in order. If this is someone really close to you I think you should contact the spouse with your concerns.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 11:06
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever successfully approached a dear relative (or friend) with an intervention or a conversation that led to the relative scaling back their nonstop talking? The usual methods have all been attempted and failed, repeatedly. I think this is a clinical problem that calls for a professional. I have been blunt, brutally honest about how awful it is to be trapped and unable to get away from their non-stop blathering. I've walked out when possible. I've been kind, I've been nasty. I am convinced that I, as a non-medical professional, am powerless to help them change their behavior.
This is a close relative, and I love her. Several other people in the family have pointed out to her that she never. stops. talking but she doesn't change. I think she has some type of anxiety and/or compulsive disorder and/or ADHD but encouraging her to 'get help' goes nowhere.
My recourse is to limit the time I spend with her to preserve my sanity, but that does make me sad. We used to be much closer and she was more enjoyable company.
You have basically done all the things you can do here, including suggest she get professional help. Move on and accept it. Limit contact accordingly.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 06:58
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How old is she?
Late 40s. The situation has grown unbearable in the last 3-4 years after previously being merely outgoing and highly engaging.
A change like this (going from outgoing/fun to nonsensical blathering and anxiety) probably means something else is going on.
Like a pandemic? We all got to be more extreme versions of ourselves.
Dp. Good call.
Anonymous
08/26/2022 06:55
Subject: How to manage a compulsive talker? Mental illness suspected, close relative
Is she taking any medications you may not be aware of? if so, could this behavior be a side effect of a medication, perhaps something like an antidepressant or ADHD treatment that is similar to an upper? My mother displayed a similar behavior when she took a specific antidepressant briefly.