Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you provide so many details? You are a horrible friend. I hope someone finds her—should be easy given the details you’ve shared—and sends her a link to this.

New poster here.
After a pp told OP that she provided too many details, I tried to google and figure out who this is. I googled "man arrested for child pornography august 2022" and there are a LOT of men that were. I skimmed through many articles but couldn't find a case that matched what OP described--they were either too old, too young, appeared to be thin (OP states he looks like he's gained 150 pounds) or had short hair/bald (and OP mentions his long unkempt hair.)
Maybe I could find it if I spent hours...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
THIS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND'S FAULT.

REPEAT UNTIL YOU ACCEPT IT, OP.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HER SON, GOOD OR BAD.

It may not be her fault, but if she continues to shelter him and enable him and defend him, then our friendship is done.

Don’t be so naively cruel. If your adult child did something terrible, you would want justice done. But you would also seek help for your child and support from your friends.

Point is: it can happen to any of us. We are not our spouse. We are not our kids. We are responsible for our own actions, not those of others. We can only extend grace to one another. It is not a relative’s fault that a family member is a criminal.

OP, you don't have to go into public with her. You can have her come over to your house.

On a much smaller scale, I had a friend (really, just an aquaintence, but I liked her) whose son was in the same high school grade as my daughter. He was kicked out of school (for arguing with his best friend and his language was overheard--in short, nothing like this)

Anyways it's a gossipy school. I wanted to get together with the mom, but interestingly, she didn't want to be seen in a public place, she was so shamed. And also, she wanted a private place to talk. I invited her over.

I was shocked when she came over with flowers for me. She said her (school-mom) friends had shunned her. She was so grateful to have me to talk to, and to have her over. She was so isolated and hurting.

Anyways, I'd do that, OP. Give her your friendship. But also, you can keep boundaries and if she strays into "he's innocent" or excusing his behavior, you can tell her no, you're not entertaining that line of talk.

Also OP as a friend you can help her get a therapist.

I'll go back and read the replies, but if you haven't told us yet if she has other children, let us know. I'm asking because if this is her only child, then all her eggs are in one basket and she may either go into deep denial, or NOT go into denial and get suicidal.

You are a bad friend for posting this online.

It happens with smart people too.
Google Aaron Bruns Fox News.

Anonymous wrote:
THIS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND'S FAULT.

REPEAT UNTIL YOU ACCEPT IT, OP.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HER SON, GOOD OR BAD.

It may not be her fault, but if she continues to shelter him and enable him and defend him, then our friendship is done.

She may not have prior knowledge, but once presented with the massive amount of evidence, her reaction would be key to whether I'd want to continue my friendship with her. If she continues to enable and defend her son, the friendship is over.

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest some kind of therapy. This situation is a lot to unpack. Did the parents secure an attorney since this all occurred in their home using their internet?

+1000

Anonymous wrote:
THIS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND'S FAULT.

REPEAT UNTIL YOU ACCEPT IT, OP.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HER SON, GOOD OR BAD.

It might be her fault. You have no idea what was going on in that house. What OP knows for certain paints a very messed up picture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man. That’s crazy. I don’t think you can rightly fault her with, “how did she not know?”…I think it’s definitely very possible that she really didn’t know. However, that they posted bail and have him back living there….I’m not sure I could overlook that. Is some weird small part of her believing there’s a way he really could be innocent?

I think she knows he did it, but I think she thinks it can be fixed with therapy. She wants him in a rehab center. Her DH is a functioning alcoholic and has been in and out of rehab and has been doing well since his last stint in 2018. I think she thinks he just needs to be fixed.

She’s out of her mind. He needs to rot forever in jail. The alcoholic father is suspect…as someone above said, pedos aren’t created in a vacuum.

Stay far away OP.

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you provide so many details? You are a horrible friend. I hope someone finds her—should be easy given the details you’ve shared—and sends her a link to this.

Did you raise a pedophile too?

I would suggest some kind of therapy. This situation is a lot to unpack. Did the parents secure an attorney since this all occurred in their home using their internet?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man. That’s crazy. I don’t think you can rightly fault her with, “how did she not know?”…I think it’s definitely very possible that she really didn’t know. However, that they posted bail and have him back living there….I’m not sure I could overlook that. Is some weird small part of her believing there’s a way he really could be innocent?

I think she knows he did it, but I think she thinks it can be fixed with therapy. She wants him in a rehab center. Her DH is a functioning alcoholic and has been in and out of rehab and has been doing well since his last stint in 2018. I think she thinks he just needs to be fixed.

She may believe he did it, but not have known in advance. This isn't something people tell their parents about! And in jail he may be really be a victim of violence.

He’s going to end up in prison eventually.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND'S FAULT.

REPEAT UNTIL YOU ACCEPT IT, OP.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HER SON, GOOD OR BAD.

Why on earth would you provide so many details? You are a horrible friend. I hope someone finds her—should be easy given the details you’ve shared—and sends her a link to this.