The feminine dilemma of being unattractive because you are a round lump vs. being unattractive because you look old.

I love the advice in here about losing the weight slowly. Are you kidding me? I will lose the weight any way I possibly can! Weight loss (especially substantial weight loss) can be difficult to make happen in any state and a lot of the difficulty comes from getting yourself in the right mental state to do it. So making THAT part more difficult -- psyching yourself up to make those tough choices, and then putting a hold on that and going back to normal for a while, and then psyching yourself up to start again -- I'm sure some people can do that but no thank you. IT IS HARD ENOUGH! Not gonna make it harder on myself.

I'm not going to say I hate this thread and everyone in here, exactly ... but some of it is not good imho.

So you're saying that if you stay fat, you'll stay looking younger? Don't overlook the fact that if you stay fat, you're also likely to die younger. People seem to have no trouble coming with the weirdest excuses for giving up on weight loss.

I lost 45 pounds at 48. If I have any good features (this is up for debate), it's my cheekbones and eyes, which both look more prominent now.

I have no problem with looking the actual age that I am and I certainly feel better at 115 than I did at 160. I have always been a reluctant exerciser and finally have stuck to 6 days a week for 2 straight years. I don't care if someone doesn't like some of my body parts. Look away! (Plus my weight does not put me into gaunt territory - I'm not tall).

I am early 50s and have just lost 25 lbs. My face is thinner but not older. I have the same wrinkles I had before, just less cheek and neck.

So OP seems to be shocked that people with cancer and other diseases don't look great? I'm not sure what you expect - I've been lucky to make it to almost 50 without getting a potentially fatal disease, but if I did, I probably wouldn't be super worried about how it aged me, but more about how I might be dying.

Anonymous wrote:Slowing down and pausing during weight loss gives skin chance to tighten (and also helps promote weight maintenance). So lose 10 lbs, pause and maintain for a month, lose 10 more. Or lose for 6 months, pause and maintain for 3 months, go back to losing.

Also setting a target weight that is slightly overweight or at the upper end of BMI rather than the weight you looked best at when you were in your 20s/30s. Older people are often more attractive/look younger at a higher BMI than younger people. Post 50 being slightly overweight (e.g. BMI of 26) is also associated with the lowest all-cause mortality.

Listen to this person! I lost 15 pounds this year. I am now at a healthy BMI (slightly above the middle of the normal range) but was planning to lose 5-8 more to get to my pre-baby weight. But I think I may instead stop here and work more on fitness and strength. Right now, I still have a bit of curves and roundness to my face that looks attractive. I don't want to get that skinny older lady look.

I lost 125 pounds on WW and since my face used to be so fat, it didn’t wrinkle like everyone else. Plus I’ve been doing Botox since I was 29 (47 now). I do fillers under my eyes and cheeks. What is your point of this post? Should I have stayed morbidly obese?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slowing down and pausing during weight loss gives skin chance to tighten (and also helps promote weight maintenance). So lose 10 lbs, pause and maintain for a month, lose 10 more. Or lose for 6 months, pause and maintain for 3 months, go back to losing.

Also setting a target weight that is slightly overweight or at the upper end of BMI rather than the weight you looked best at when you were in your 20s/30s. Older people are often more attractive/look younger at a higher BMI than younger people. Post 50 being slightly overweight (e.g. BMI of 26) is also associated with the lowest all-cause mortality.

My grandma used to say that fat people get sick, and skinny people die. There really is something to having a little extra reserves as you get older, which can help carry you through an illness.

Sorry, grandma, what you want to have is muscle, not fat. Muscle provides the reserve that enables you to get out of bed after you've been sick or had an operation. If you're fat but weak (which is a lot of old people) you'll just lie there. Muscle also means better insulin sensitivity (which means lower likelihood of a whole host of age-related diseases) whereas fat means worse insulin sensitivity (which means more age-related diseases).

More muscle = longer healthier life. Get thee to the gym for resistance training.

Is French = often

It sounds like maybe you are trying to figure out how to get your DH to look younger than he looks now. If he lost weight during lockdown he might not have updated his wardrobe. Get him some trendier clothes with a slimmer fit. He may look better with some stubble but not a full beard, so he might benefit from a barber trip. There are things you/he can do outside of weight to lose some of the older look if desired. Better clothes are a common fix that is French accompany weight loss anyway.

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I'm in my mid 40s and lost about 30 pounds in the last year. I look fabulous, and everyone says so. Face looks thinner but definitely not gaunt. My cheekbones are more defined.

Great. You are lucky then and maybe didn’t lose the weight rapidly.

I think the sex and the city reboot had the best line about this. The plastic surgeon suggested people either get saggy or gaunt faces as they age.

Anonymous wrote:Slowing down and pausing during weight loss gives skin chance to tighten (and also helps promote weight maintenance). So lose 10 lbs, pause and maintain for a month, lose 10 more. Or lose for 6 months, pause and maintain for 3 months, go back to losing.

Also setting a target weight that is slightly overweight or at the upper end of BMI rather than the weight you looked best at when you were in your 20s/30s. Older people are often more attractive/look younger at a higher BMI than younger people. Post 50 being slightly overweight (e.g. BMI of 26) is also associated with the lowest all-cause mortality.

Thank you. This is helpful information.

Anonymous wrote:What’s wrong with looking older?

Nothing except when you look like you’ve aged dramatically overnight and look significantly older than you are. My DH seriously now looks at least 10years older than he is. Not good when you work in IT where age discrimination is real for many.

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I'm in my mid 40s and lost about 30 pounds in the last year. I look fabulous, and everyone says so. Face looks thinner but definitely not gaunt. My cheekbones are more defined.

I think it depends on how low you go. If you are 40s and lose 10+ lbs to put you at a size 2-4, you will look older, even if just moving from a size 6-8. If you are a size 12 and lose down to a size 6-8, you probably still have enough fat to not look sunken

Anonymous wrote:There's a reason for the old idiom that at a certain age, you have to choose between your face and your ass.

I am getting both after I lost weight! The trick is to do it slowly and not on any fad diet.