Anonymous wrote:What do you think? My bf went over his ex wife to celebrate his sons bday. I was okay with it and understand he needs to celebrate his son until i find out he drank there and stayed past 10pm. Should I be concerned?

Is this his actual ex wife or is this his ex- wife to be as in they are seperated but have not yet divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The staying and drinking past 10 pm is inappropriate.

Don't let him or the ex wives of DCUM gaslight you

100% this. I can hear them circling the wagons already.

Yeah I just don’t understand this at all I have been in a blended family for 12 years now. There are times that I cannot make my older step kids birthday parties but of course my husband goes. His ex-wife and I are good friends, she just moved to a new place about two years ago and he set up her stereo system. So yeah he’ll go to her place if she is hosting a dinner for one of the kids birthdays or another event. And if I can’t be there for whatever reason it is literally a non-issue

This is because you're sane and not hysterical.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The staying and drinking past 10 pm is inappropriate.

Don't let him or the ex wives of DCUM gaslight you

100% this. I can hear them circling the wagons already.

Yeah I just don’t understand this at all I have been in a blended family for 12 years now. There are times that I cannot make my older step kids birthday parties but of course my husband goes. His ex-wife and I are good friends, she just moved to a new place about two years ago and he set up her stereo system. So yeah he’ll go to her place if she is hosting a dinner for one of the kids birthdays or another event. And if I can’t be there for whatever reason it is literally a non-issue

I think it is inappropriate that he stayed until 10PM and drank while he was there.

I would also be personally miffed if he did not invite me along (if I had already met his son.)

Go w/your gut on this one OP.

I’ve vacationed with H’s xW and even I would be bothered by this. Going for the kids, fine. Staying late and drinking with the xW, not okay.

Anonymous wrote:Going over for an hour or so to cut cake and open presents be sure she is the one with custody that day is normal.

Kids goes to bed at eight, and boyfriend and ex stay up drinking alone past ten? That would be a no go in my book unless tons of other family was around last ten till.

At a certain point, he should start inviting you to these things.

Oh and op there are a lot of ex wives on dcurbanmom who like to argue that divorced mens new wives and girlfriends should be treated like dirt and that his ex wife will always be MORE use she is the oh so sacred mother of the kids. Don’t listen to them.

Exactly this.

But I'd love to here those attacking op explain how the ex and BF had to stay up late and drinking together for the kids.

Anonymous wrote:So, like, do bad things happen after 10:00pm? Why is that the cut off? Maybe he gets along great with ex-wife's family and they were hanging out chatting and catching up on life? WTF?

So why then do we advise the married people eith crushed on coworkers to avoid being alone or drinking together,,?

Because people fo stupid stuff when alcohol is involved and the hour is late.


But you can continue to try and gaslight op

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS, if they wanted to be together they would still be married.

+1

This is not a big deal. You probably should not date someone with kids.

Let's not act brand new like break ups are all even or that exes never end up in bed together.

Op is allowed to have boundaries when it comes to the ex.

. This has nothing to do with being coparents and if you were being honest you would admit that

So, like, do bad things happen after 10:00pm? Why is that the cut off? Maybe he gets along great with ex-wife's family and they were hanging out chatting and catching up on life? WTF?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The staying and drinking past 10 pm is inappropriate.

Don't let him or the ex wives of DCUM gaslight you

What would have been an appropriate time, in your opinion?

Likely when the party ended probably around 5 or when the bday boy likely went to bed at 8.


There really isn't a good reason to be staying and drinking past 10 it's just asking for trouble.

It has nothing to do with his son and it has nothing to do with him being a good coparent

Going over for an hour or so to cut cake and open presents be sure she is the one with custody that day is normal.

Kids goes to bed at eight, and boyfriend and ex stay up drinking alone past ten? That would be a no go in my book unless tons of other family was around last ten till.

At a certain point, he should start inviting you to these things.

Oh and op there are a lot of ex wives on dcurbanmom who like to argue that divorced mens new wives and girlfriends should be treated like dirt and that his ex wife will always be MORE use she is the oh so sacred mother of the kids. Don’t listen to them.

Look, if you are dating someone with ex and kids, it means you can’t get yourself someone without them. So I think you need to accept what comes with it. Maybe he had a good time.

As a ex-wife I would say that it is a good sign he can be civil with the ex-wife in the presence of the children.
Look, what kind of guy do you want to date - a man who doesn't see his kids and takes his unresolved anger about his failed marriage on the ex-wife or someone who accepts it's over but can behave humanely for the sake of his children?
The former is a jerk, but latter has lifelong baggage. Not optimal but which one is worse?

Anonymous wrote:What do you think? My bf went over his ex wife to celebrate his sons bday. I was okay with it and understand he needs to celebrate his son until i find out he drank there and stayed past 10pm. Should I be concerned?

Need more details OP, because this doesn't sound like a big deal. Is the problem that it's a little kid who went to bed at 8 and he stayed 2 more hours drinking beers and talking to his ex, AKA the mother of his children? Has he given you reason to suspect he might cheat on you and be untruthful? Has he given you reason to suspect he wants to be with her?

I'm married, but would assume part of dating someone with kids is that they will still spend time with their ex, and that they will have things they need or want to talk about. They may even be friends who enjoy each other's company. Since it bothered you, I think you can be honest with him and tell him that it did, but I wouldn't try to tell him it was inappropriate or that you expect him not to do it.

Anonymous wrote:I would be concerned that you are not ready to date a father with family obligations.

+2