Anonymous wrote:Telling you right away was absolutely the right thing. What if you offered to her, waited for her to decline and by then your second choice had taken another offer? I could easily see this exact post with "why didn't she tell me immediately it was a dealbreaker?!?!"

I feel like people who complain about how someone declines a job are just upset that they declined.

Truth.

Telling you right away was absolutely the right thing. What if you offered to her, waited for her to decline and by then your second choice had taken another offer? I could easily see this exact post with "why didn't she tell me immediately it was a dealbreaker?!?!"

I feel like people who complain about how someone declines a job are just upset that they declined.

OP must know she’s over the top by not disclosing “the one thing”. GL finding a nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to tell us what the "one thing" was, or just waste our time too?

I’m guessing the latter. Seems to be OP’s thing.

NP here. Why does it matter? The issue, as I read it, is that the decline was made in person and the moment was awkward. It isn’t about whether the thing was reasonable or not.

Obviously some things would be beyond the pale, and they are so extreme that everyone would agree it was totally inappropriate and that the nanny could not stay one moment longer ("you would be responsible for burying the dead bodies," sex acts, preparing tomato aspic covered in mayonnaise every Thursday, etc.). Just as obviously, there are some things which would be so far within the pale as to be ludicrous to raise as an objection ("you would be expected to be present in the room with her while she is awake").

What we don't know is where this "one thing" lies in the vast gray zone in between. If it's close to one of the extremes, then it matters in making sense of this, and OP might either be legally insane or absolutely have been slapped in the face by the experience. If it's in the middle, maybe not relevant so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to tell us what the "one thing" was, or just waste our time too?

I’m guessing the latter. Seems to be OP’s thing.

NP here. Why does it matter? The issue, as I read it, is that the decline was made in person and the moment was awkward. It isn’t about whether the thing was reasonable or not.

Awkward for whom? Because she was told no? Wonder if the nanny thought it was awkward. Bet not.

Anonymous wrote:I know what you mean, OP. Generally, in other industries, a decline is not done in person. But all in all it isn’t a big deal.

Uh, wrong. I told a panel interview for a VP position in Defense that I didn't think it would be a good fit for either of us, thanked them all for their time, and left. Sent follow up thank you emails anyway. Ended up working for one of them at a different company about 2 yrs later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to tell us what the "one thing" was, or just waste our time too?

I’m guessing the latter. Seems to be OP’s thing.

NP here. Why does it matter? The issue, as I read it, is that the decline was made in person and the moment was awkward. It isn’t about whether the thing was reasonable or not.

I know what you mean, OP. Generally, in other industries, a decline is not done in person. But all in all it isn’t a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a phone interview with someone for our nanny position who seemed great. She came to our house for an in-person interview and we really liked her. Then, one aspect of the job wasn’t appealing to her and she told us right there in the interview while holding our baby that she was no longer interested in our job because of that one aspect. Then it was so awkward!! She had to hand us back our baby, gather her things, and leave while making really uncomfortable small talk.

Why didn’t she wait and decline the job when offered in email or on the phone?! You don’t do it during the interview in the person’s home to their face!!!

Of course you do. Why should I waste both our time if I'm not interested. You purposely left out what changed her mind. From you post, it was most likely you.

Hopefully OP will learn to be more upfront about her expectations in the phone screening to avoid this kind of situation. And perhaps learn that her expectations are not in line with the market. I have done dozens of reference calls for my former nannies, and there are definitely parents out there with very unrealistic expectations. My former nanny is a total pro and very smart - she has a finacial cushion so she doesn’t have to take the first job offer. So she always says no when parents ask for weird things (like to iron all the DH’s shirts while the baby naps!)

Anonymous wrote:I had a phone interview with someone for our nanny position who seemed great. She came to our house for an in-person interview and we really liked her. Then, one aspect of the job wasn’t appealing to her and she told us right there in the interview while holding our baby that she was no longer interested in our job because of that one aspect. Then it was so awkward!! She had to hand us back our baby, gather her things, and leave while making really uncomfortable small talk.

Why didn’t she wait and decline the job when offered in email or on the phone?! You don’t do it during the interview in the person’s home to their face!!!

Of course you do. Why should I waste both our time if I'm not interested. You purposely left out what changed her mind. From you post, it was most likely you.

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to tell us what the "one thing" was, or just waste our time too?

I’m guessing the latter. Seems to be OP’s thing.

Are you going to tell us what the "one thing" was, or just waste our time too?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a phone interview with someone for our nanny position who seemed great. She came to our house for an in-person interview and we really liked her. Then, one aspect of the job wasn’t appealing to her and she told us right there in the interview while holding our baby that she was no longer interested in our job because of that one aspect. Then it was so awkward!! She had to hand us back our baby, gather her things, and leave while making really uncomfortable small talk.

Why didn’t she wait and decline the job when offered in email or on the phone?! You don’t do it during the interview in the person’s home to their face!!!

Simple: In order not to waste your time and hers.

She did you a favor. It is way better to have her told you now than to have quit after several weeks.

The nanny handled the situation well. Why do you think you are having this reaction? Was it the in-person uncomfortable departure? It’s ok to feel uncomfortable from time to time. Life is messy. Sometimes I worry we are starting to believe that we should never feel bad or have hard times. So people resort to voicemail and text and email. We should be able to have conflict in person and have that be OK. Something to think about OP.

Usel ss without telling us the “one thing”. Then we can tell you if she was reasonable to leave quickly.