Anonymous
08/19/2022 20:28
Subject: Re:Anyone Been Disinherited?
Anonymous wrote:Yup. Mom always SAHM, was divorced w/ a child when she married my Dad. Then my parents had 3 children. Mom was jealous Dad's 1st son was his favorite, then me, Dad's oldest daughter. Mom's fav was her son (with previous husband) & youngest daughter (who may or not be my Dad's. After Dad passed, Mom changed the will so Dad's fav got 10% of the estate & if we either of us died, our spouses & children get nothing. Mom's son got 30% of estate, plus was executor + another account. Mom's fav daughter got 50%. But that wasn't all- Mom knew she was dying about a year before, and made "loans" to fav daughter, with no "payback provisions. And she changed the beneficiary on Dad's 401k & all brokerage accounts to her (we estimate over $10M, they were opened in early 70s) , so they never went through the estate.
While she was living Mom never had an issue asking either my brother or I for money because she was "short" & we never refused her. She would give us a list of what she wanted for a holiday gift- washer, dryer, TV, etc. AND we bought them, even if it meant a fight with our spouses.
Of course when the will was sent to us, after the funeral we were hurt & angry. Nothing we can do...except we will never speak to the two favs and there is no relationship between the grandchildren. And both of us apologized profusely to our spouses for everything that went on)
(And we retell this story as a precautionary tale. Although, funny when we told other relatives/ friends, they were shocked she would screw her own 2 children, but always thought she was sneaky person & not too nice).
I heard this happens more than you would think.
I'm sorry but you sound entitled
I would not cut out family just because we inherited unequally
Anonymous
08/19/2022 20:23
Subject: Re:Anyone Been Disinherited?
Anonymous wrote:Yup. Mom always SAHM, was divorced w/ a child when she married my Dad. Then my parents had 3 children. Mom was jealous Dad's 1st son was his favorite, then me, Dad's oldest daughter. Mom's fav was her son (with previous husband) & youngest daughter (who may or not be my Dad's. After Dad passed, Mom changed the will so Dad's fav got 10% of the estate & if we either of us died, our spouses & children get nothing. Mom's son got 30% of estate, plus was executor + another account. Mom's fav daughter got 50%. But that wasn't all- Mom knew she was dying about a year before, and made "loans" to fav daughter, with no "payback provisions. And she changed the beneficiary on Dad's 401k & all brokerage accounts to her (we estimate over $10M, they were opened in early 70s) , so they never went through the estate.
While she was living Mom never had an issue asking either my brother or I for money because she was "short" & we never refused her. She would give us a list of what she wanted for a holiday gift- washer, dryer, TV, etc. AND we bought them, even if it meant a fight with our spouses.
Of course when the will was sent to us, after the funeral we were hurt & angry. Nothing we can do...except we will never speak to the two favs and there is no relationship between the grandchildren. And both of us apologized profusely to our spouses for everything that went on)
(And we retell this story as a precautionary tale. Although, funny when we told other relatives/ friends, they were shocked she would screw her own 2 children, but always thought she was sneaky person & not too nice).
I heard this happens more than you would think.
What a horrible story. I'm sorry. I can't ever imagine not splitting money with my siblings if a parent did this. Yikes. Bad karma.
Anonymous
08/19/2022 20:15
Subject: Re:Anyone Been Disinherited?
I think it's totally normal to leave everything to your spouse. They're still alive!
Anonymous
08/19/2022 19:20
Subject: Re:Anyone Been Disinherited?
My DH's dad remarried after the death of DH's mom who he was married to for over 40 years. He then died about 2 years after his 2nd marriage and left everything to his widow (who was already wealthy in her own right due to her own husband's death). DH was fairly close with him and was kind of hurt by it, but it is what it is. Anyone who counts on an inheritance should know this situation is not uncommon. Fortunately we never counted on any inheritance.
Anonymous
08/19/2022 19:01
Subject: Re:Anyone Been Disinherited?
Is your name Ashley or Winona?
Anonymous
08/19/2022 18:53
Subject: Re:Anyone Been Disinherited?
I don't believe that my father purposely disinherited me. But I do think his wife made sure my brother and I aren't going to get any of his money. She never liked us and I think she was extremely jealous of the relationship we had with our dad.
My parents divorced when I was a teenager and my mom remarried right away. She and my step-father set up their wills so that they were each taken care of but whatever was left over once they were both deceased, the money would go to me, my brother and my step-siblings. The both had irrevocable trusts so no one was left out. And the surviving spouse couldn't change anything.
My dad and his wife set up a joint revocable trust - my brother and I were listed in his will as a beneficiary if his wife had already passed. But if she were still alive when he passed, their trust was revocable and she could change anything. My dad suffered from dementia and I'm pretty sure when the will was created he didn't understand the implications. My father and I had an excellent relationship and he had always taken care of me and my brother. I believe that he would have wanted his wife taken care of but once she dies, he would want what was left of his money to go to me and my brother and not her children. Since she's still alive, I don't know for certain that she changed anything but my instinct tells me she has.
My parents divorced when I was a teenager and my mom remarried right away. She and my step-father set up their wills so that they were each taken care of but whatever was left over once they were both deceased, the money would go to me, my brother and my step-siblings. The both had irrevocable trusts so no one was left out. And the surviving spouse couldn't change anything.
My dad and his wife set up a joint revocable trust - my brother and I were listed in his will as a beneficiary if his wife had already passed. But if she were still alive when he passed, their trust was revocable and she could change anything. My dad suffered from dementia and I'm pretty sure when the will was created he didn't understand the implications. My father and I had an excellent relationship and he had always taken care of me and my brother. I believe that he would have wanted his wife taken care of but once she dies, he would want what was left of his money to go to me and my brother and not her children. Since she's still alive, I don't know for certain that she changed anything but my instinct tells me she has.
Anonymous
08/19/2022 08:47
Subject: Anyone Been Disinherited?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's hard to say without knowing the size of the estate. If, for example, the total estate is $500K and they have now been married for 20 years it would be reasonable for the spouse to receive the entire estate to support themselves. Once you get into larger amounts it might make sense to have some of the money go to you and the other children. The estate may not be that large by the way, quite possible being a married couple many of their accounts are joint so they would not be part of the estate.
If you were married to someone from age 55-75, why would you think you should inherit anything from your spouse? you had your entire life to build a nest egg and at age 55 it would make sense for each of you to keep your money separate. If anything happened to my DH, I can't imagine having anyone other than my kids be my beneficiaries.
Me personally I wouldn't but depending on the level of care they provided to the spouse I think it's fair to expect them to be compensated for that.
Not because they “deserve to be compensated” but I always feel like if the beneficiary does the bulk of the elder care, the person may want to thank them with a bequest. If the spouse was there in the trenches, and the children were off with their own adult lives, the spouse may just have been closer in the mind of the elderly person
Fair point. I also think there's the issue of how you handle the marital house which for most people in this country will constitute the bulk of their estate. Most people won't set it up where their spouse has to leave the house when they die and if you get into things like a life estate there can be complications like who handles taxes and other expenses that often just aren't worth dealing with.
Anonymous
08/19/2022 07:42
Subject: Re:Anyone Been Disinherited?
I don't know if I was ever in my father's will, so can't say I have been disinherited. He did die and leave all of his estimated 3 million dollar estate to his 2nd wife (30 years of marriage). She is from a poor country and living there now, so this is an enormous sum for her. I do feel disappointed that he remembered nobody but his 2nd wife. I think he could of left something (small amount, $5,000 maybe) to each of his 6 grandchildren to give them a small nest egg.
Anonymous
08/19/2022 07:37
Subject: Anyone Been Disinherited?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's hard to say without knowing the size of the estate. If, for example, the total estate is $500K and they have now been married for 20 years it would be reasonable for the spouse to receive the entire estate to support themselves. Once you get into larger amounts it might make sense to have some of the money go to you and the other children. The estate may not be that large by the way, quite possible being a married couple many of their accounts are joint so they would not be part of the estate.
If you were married to someone from age 55-75, why would you think you should inherit anything from your spouse? you had your entire life to build a nest egg and at age 55 it would make sense for each of you to keep your money separate. If anything happened to my DH, I can't imagine having anyone other than my kids be my beneficiaries.
Me personally I wouldn't but depending on the level of care they provided to the spouse I think it's fair to expect them to be compensated for that.
Not because they “deserve to be compensated” but I always feel like if the beneficiary does the bulk of the elder care, the person may want to thank them with a bequest. If the spouse was there in the trenches, and the children were off with their own adult lives, the spouse may just have been closer in the mind of the elderly person
Anonymous
08/19/2022 07:35
Subject: Re:Anyone Been Disinherited?
Realistically, spouses are before adult children in influence and inheritance. If it was your mom pushing your dad to disinherit you, it would be sad/bad but not “inappropriate.” When it’s a step parent adult children tend to feel like there’s some sort of violation, but the truth is the step parent, as the spouse, will have the backing of the law.
Anonymous
08/19/2022 07:11
Subject: Anyone Been Disinherited?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's hard to say without knowing the size of the estate. If, for example, the total estate is $500K and they have now been married for 20 years it would be reasonable for the spouse to receive the entire estate to support themselves. Once you get into larger amounts it might make sense to have some of the money go to you and the other children. The estate may not be that large by the way, quite possible being a married couple many of their accounts are joint so they would not be part of the estate.
If you were married to someone from age 55-75, why would you think you should inherit anything from your spouse? you had your entire life to build a nest egg and at age 55 it would make sense for each of you to keep your money separate. If anything happened to my DH, I can't imagine having anyone other than my kids be my beneficiaries.
Me personally I wouldn't but depending on the level of care they provided to the spouse I think it's fair to expect them to be compensated for that.
Anonymous
08/18/2022 22:40
Subject: Re:Anyone Been Disinherited?
Yup. Mom always SAHM, was divorced w/ a child when she married my Dad. Then my parents had 3 children. Mom was jealous Dad's 1st son was his favorite, then me, Dad's oldest daughter. Mom's fav was her son (with previous husband) & youngest daughter (who may or not be my Dad's. After Dad passed, Mom changed the will so Dad's fav got 10% of the estate & if we either of us died, our spouses & children get nothing. Mom's son got 30% of estate, plus was executor + another account. Mom's fav daughter got 50%. But that wasn't all- Mom knew she was dying about a year before, and made "loans" to fav daughter, with no "payback provisions. And she changed the beneficiary on Dad's 401k & all brokerage accounts to her (we estimate over $10M, they were opened in early 70s) , so they never went through the estate.
While she was living Mom never had an issue asking either my brother or I for money because she was "short" & we never refused her. She would give us a list of what she wanted for a holiday gift- washer, dryer, TV, etc. AND we bought them, even if it meant a fight with our spouses.
Of course when the will was sent to us, after the funeral we were hurt & angry. Nothing we can do...except we will never speak to the two favs and there is no relationship between the grandchildren. And both of us apologized profusely to our spouses for everything that went on)
(And we retell this story as a precautionary tale. Although, funny when we told other relatives/ friends, they were shocked she would screw her own 2 children, but always thought she was sneaky person & not too nice).
I heard this happens more than you would think.
While she was living Mom never had an issue asking either my brother or I for money because she was "short" & we never refused her. She would give us a list of what she wanted for a holiday gift- washer, dryer, TV, etc. AND we bought them, even if it meant a fight with our spouses.
Of course when the will was sent to us, after the funeral we were hurt & angry. Nothing we can do...except we will never speak to the two favs and there is no relationship between the grandchildren. And both of us apologized profusely to our spouses for everything that went on)
(And we retell this story as a precautionary tale. Although, funny when we told other relatives/ friends, they were shocked she would screw her own 2 children, but always thought she was sneaky person & not too nice).
I heard this happens more than you would think.
Anonymous
08/18/2022 22:20
Subject: Anyone Been Disinherited?
It is not unusual for a stepparent, even one who has been more than adequately provided for via either joint assets, lifetime use of the estate property, survivor's pension, etc. to persuade a spouse that they will be out on the streets without having full access and control of all funds. They will promise that they won't cut out their stepkids upon their own demise, but that's completely unrealistic. Lots of weeping and gnashing of teeth about poor widows from this set.
Frankly, it's a lot of women who remarried in their 60s and 70s and expect to be treated the same as a first wife of 40+ years, even if most of the money pre-dated her. You will notice that it's not often women who get manipulated from leaving their own kids out.
Frankly, it's a lot of women who remarried in their 60s and 70s and expect to be treated the same as a first wife of 40+ years, even if most of the money pre-dated her. You will notice that it's not often women who get manipulated from leaving their own kids out.
Anonymous
08/18/2022 19:58
Subject: Anyone Been Disinherited?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's hard to say without knowing the size of the estate. If, for example, the total estate is $500K and they have now been married for 20 years it would be reasonable for the spouse to receive the entire estate to support themselves. Once you get into larger amounts it might make sense to have some of the money go to you and the other children. The estate may not be that large by the way, quite possible being a married couple many of their accounts are joint so they would not be part of the estate.
If you were married to someone from age 55-75, why would you think you should inherit anything from your spouse? you had your entire life to build a nest egg and at age 55 it would make sense for each of you to keep your money separate. If anything happened to my DH, I can't imagine having anyone other than my kids be my beneficiaries.
I mean, you could turn that around, right? If your parent dies at 75, you are somewhere around 45-50. You had your whole life to build a nest egg....
Yes hopefully my kids won't need my money but I'll give it to them anyway because they are my kids (and grandkids). My main financial goal is to amass a nest egg I can give to the next generation.
Anonymous
08/18/2022 19:48
Subject: Anyone Been Disinherited?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's hard to say without knowing the size of the estate. If, for example, the total estate is $500K and they have now been married for 20 years it would be reasonable for the spouse to receive the entire estate to support themselves. Once you get into larger amounts it might make sense to have some of the money go to you and the other children. The estate may not be that large by the way, quite possible being a married couple many of their accounts are joint so they would not be part of the estate.
If you were married to someone from age 55-75, why would you think you should inherit anything from your spouse? you had your entire life to build a nest egg and at age 55 it would make sense for each of you to keep your money separate. If anything happened to my DH, I can't imagine having anyone other than my kids be my beneficiaries.
I mean, you could turn that around, right? If your parent dies at 75, you are somewhere around 45-50. You had your whole life to build a nest egg....