Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds a lot like my husband who I suspect has an undiagnosed personality disorder of some sort.

Hard to explain but the extreme overreactions to any perceived slight. The obsession on a particular topic, for my husband it's home renovations. And he insists that I indulge him on discussing the minutia of design options and cost/value analysis of every little thing that we are never going to actually embark on. Because they're crazy. Like adding $200k hardscaping to a $700k house because aesthetics. The rages, man-tantrums I call them. He seems to be emotionally stuck at 3 years old.

Good luck. My husband will never seek help so his life is just going to suffer the consequences of his myopic worldview.

NP - Sounds like my DH except he doesn't share details or seek my input. Finally said no more projects, with a threat to move out more or less. That seemed to resonate, but the underlying issue is still there.

Kind of serious question - anyone want to start a support group for this??? If so, I'd be inclined to create an email for this purpose. I think some of us need to vent and not feel so alone.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds a lot like my husband who I suspect has an undiagnosed personality disorder of some sort.

Hard to explain but the extreme overreactions to any perceived slight. The obsession on a particular topic, for my husband it's home renovations. And he insists that I indulge him on discussing the minutia of design options and cost/value analysis of every little thing that we are never going to actually embark on. Because they're crazy. Like adding $200k hardscaping to a $700k house because aesthetics. The rages, man-tantrums I call them. He seems to be emotionally stuck at 3 years old.

Good luck. My husband will never seek help so his life is just going to suffer the consequences of his myopic worldview.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

Hi Op, I am bipolar (Bipolar 2 specifically) and at my lowest point when I desperately needed care I was still functioning pretty well to outsiders. In fact, dying my manic episodes I am sure my job just thought I was extremely productive. I was calm and collected in front of colleagues for the most part but was actually irritable and wired in my office alone. It didn’t impact my professional life and even my best friends didn’t know how bad it was until I hit a very low depressive episode and was hospitalized. I haven’t done spending sprees during my manic episodes either. For me, those looked like talking extremely fast, staying up all night writing literally hundreds of pages of text or cleaning everything in my apartment or cooking, not wanting or feeling a need to sleep, high energy levels and extreme agitation at the littlest things. Because I wasn’t going out and spending lots of money or making rash decisions, I didn’t believe I could be bipolar until I was hospitalized and working with a therapist and psychiatrist, who diagnosed me. My point is that bipolar disorder looks different on everyone. With medication and therapy, I am at a much healthier and happier place and feel like being bipolar does not affect my day to day life. It is treatable, and I hope your husband gets the care he needs and your family is able to get to a healthier place. My husband has been my rock for all of it, but I’m always aware of how my disorder impacts him and I look back with such shame about the way I treated him when I was manic before my diagnosis and treatment. Sending hugs your way

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

OP, I posted earlier about your getting yourself to a NAMI support group, finding online resources from reputable places like NAMI etc. That is where you can get real advice on the questions you're asking here. Of course people with serious mental illnesses can be very capable of hiding them and then unleashing them on their families at home, while "holding it together" at work and with others. And don't assume he is not doing things behind your back like spending money and other behaviors. If he can hide his anger and "I am perfect and right" delusion from his coworkers, don't you think he also can hide other manifestations of his illness from YOU?

Please don't waste precious time here looking for diagnoses. You've gotten some solid advice that what you describe sounds a lot like the manic side of bipolar. Now we're introducing ADHD? Please, please get help where you are, in person and from experienced groups. We can sit here all day, anonymous strangers on the internet, diagnosing him. You need real, concrete help now.

If he has an actual ADHD diagnosis and has ever been treated for that, that doctor may be the place to start getting help. Not saying what you are describing is due to ADHD -- again, we're not medical professionals here -- but I"m saying, one doctor should be able to connect you with others, and if he's seen a doctor about ADHD willingly in the past, he might be more amenable to that doctor seeing him and might listen if that doctor refers him for other help. And if you think, "But I can't talk to HIS doctor, the doctor won't talk to me about a patient" -- you CAN tell a doctor what you observe, even if the doctor won't respond to you or discuss with you. You absolutely can give a doctor informaiton one-way. But the upshot here is, your DH must not be allowed to "keep it private" any more if he wants to stay married to you--he needs professional help.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. But what if DH is like this but is able to keep it private… Keeps up the semblance of normalcy to the outside world? Co-workers who he works closely with might notice he’s a little more irritable, others might not notice it at all. He doesn’t do rash things like go on spending sprees. Do you still think bipolar? He does have ADHD.