Anonymous wrote:You got what you wanted with the additional kid. You knew he didn’t want it.

This is the consequence. All things considered, it sounds fairly normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We agreed on two kids when we got married. He wanted 1, I wanted 3, we discussed it a lot and compromised. We were both agreed on waiting to have kid #2. So, she was born when Kid #1 was already 5.

At first, it was the height of covid, no school, no childcare, so my husband’s misery seemed understandable. But here we are two years later and he hates being a dad of two.

Weekdays, he sees them two hours. Complains because they’re very loud, especially the toddler, and he wants to talk to me but can’t have an adult conversation. Weekends, it’s even worse because we have at least one of them at any given time. After bedtime, he’s upset that he’s too exhausted to do anything. If we do stuff with other families, he’s upset that we can’t relax and talk to our friends because we keep getting interrupted by their kids or ours.

He wistfully talks about lucky friends with just one kid, counts down the days until the youngest turns 5 and becomes easier, and is just overall unhappy.

We do date nights and he enjoys those, but goes back to being sad within a day or two. Once my grandparents took the kids for the weekend and he was literally glowing, but it was too hard for them to manage 2, so that’s not happening again. There are no other people to take them and we can’t afford a sitter for more than just the occasional Friday evening.

It’s important to note my DH has always been a very positive and reasonable person, we’ve gotten through big challenges together, but this one is just many years long so he says he can’t handle it.

I struggle with it too. I also don’t like loud noises and would prefer more adult time and find it hard to fit in both work and kids. But I can handle it and stay positive, because for me it’s worth it… at least until his constant negativity brings me down. He doesn’t yell or swear, it’s just like all these sighs and comments and facial expressions, this misery that disappears when he’s not with kids, but returns whenever he’s with them for more than 10 min.

What can I do?

He told you he only wanted one and you insisted on two. He caved but he didn't want another. However, you got your way and now you have two. He needs to grow up because he is being a worse than a toddler. But you got your way and the second kid is all on you. By the time you're divorced you'll be used to doing it all by yourself. Now you know why you never have a child unless both parents want another child. I feel sorry for both children but not for their spoiled, petulant parents.

Anonymous wrote:Ask him which one of the kids he'd prefer to give away for adoption. Tell him you thought it over, and given the situation, this is the only reasonable solution. Be firm, tell him you researched it, and you know it can be done. Offer some pros and cons for each kid.

When he looks at you all stunned and starts mumbling something about how it's not that bad, tell him to grow the f.ck up and be a father and partner he is supposed to be.

Anonymous wrote:We agreed on two kids when we got married. He wanted 1, I wanted 3, we discussed it a lot and compromised. We were both agreed on waiting to have kid #2. So, she was born when Kid #1 was already 5.

At first, it was the height of covid, no school, no childcare, so my husband’s misery seemed understandable. But here we are two years later and he hates being a dad of two.

Weekdays, he sees them two hours. Complains because they’re very loud, especially the toddler, and he wants to talk to me but can’t have an adult conversation. Weekends, it’s even worse because we have at least one of them at any given time. After bedtime, he’s upset that he’s too exhausted to do anything. If we do stuff with other families, he’s upset that we can’t relax and talk to our friends because we keep getting interrupted by their kids or ours.

He wistfully talks about lucky friends with just one kid, counts down the days until the youngest turns 5 and becomes easier, and is just overall unhappy.

We do date nights and he enjoys those, but goes back to being sad within a day or two. Once my grandparents took the kids for the weekend and he was literally glowing, but it was too hard for them to manage 2, so that’s not happening again. There are no other people to take them and we can’t afford a sitter for more than just the occasional Friday evening.

It’s important to note my DH has always been a very positive and reasonable person, we’ve gotten through big challenges together, but this one is just many years long so he says he can’t handle it.

I struggle with it too. I also don’t like loud noises and would prefer more adult time and find it hard to fit in both work and kids. But I can handle it and stay positive, because for me it’s worth it… at least until his constant negativity brings me down. He doesn’t yell or swear, it’s just like all these sighs and comments and facial expressions, this misery that disappears when he’s not with kids, but returns whenever he’s with them for more than 10 min.

What can I do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a third, then he’ll long for the days of two.
Just kidding.
Most of the solution is time; it gets better.
The rest of the solution lies with your husband, does he see that his attitude is making things more difficult and what can he do to adjust the attitude.
Kid-free time is helpful. With two young kids we usually split the weekend so each person got a good 4-5 hours to do with as they pleased.

This. Give him 4-5 hours on his own say Saturday morning while you take the kids to the park and out to a cheap kid friendly lunch. Hopefully he can do the same another day. Maybe that will cheer him up. And if not, maybe he might want to talk to a therapist (they’re getting cheaper with the internet ones which many insurance companies do cover.)