Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 20:22     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I absolutely would not pay for this. Your SIL sounds selfish and self- absorbed and if it were me, I would discourage my husband from enabling this behavior. It’s just the start if you don’t stop it now.


Did SIL ask anyone to pay for her parents? Or siblings? Maybe she just wants a wedding where she wants it. An invitation is not a summons.


Sorry but an invitation to your CHILD'S wedding is a summons.

I don't get how flights could be 4k for a couple. Where are you going- Bali?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 20:19     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
The funny thing is that a lot of these resorts comp the bride and groom's room when they have enough guests attend.

I think your DH's parents should ask SIL to pay, then that would put pressure on her to choose a cheaper destination.

Also, is staying off property an option? That's what I generally do. Maybe rent an air b and b nearby for everyone. Last wedding I went to it was 1/5 the price of the resort.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 20:19     Subject: Re:Paying for destination wedding
I think my reaction would depend on our financial situation. How much we were making, our bills, our savings and a lot of other things. I think the hardest thing about OP’s situation is that her husband thinks it is really important for everyone to be there and he is willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Priorities are very different between OP and her husband and it’s going to be hard to find middle ground.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 19:54     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:SIL is having a destination wedding at an international location. Flight and resort will cost each couple a little under ~$4K to attend. SIL’s parents and a couple siblings cannot afford this price and are reaching out to us to help pay their way. We have a good salary but have some expenses of our own and cannot afford to pay an extra $8k for family members to attend, but DH won’t hear it from me- he says everyone needs to be there and “so be it” if we have to stretch to make this woek. I think it’s inconsiderate of SIL to be doing a destination wedding in the first place when she knows several family members don’t have the money to go… if having family there is important to her.

Has anyone been in this situation? What is the right thing to do? I’m so uncomfortable about this but don’t want to bother the couple getting married.


Outrageous for SIL and for relatives to ask you for money and beyond outrageous for your DH to fund their trip. They should have a party for them when they come home from honeymoon.

I would give money in a heartbeat for something serious but a wedding is not serious and I would not do without anything for my family to pay for something so frivolous .


Read. SIL never asked for anyone to pay.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 19:05     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:SIL is having a destination wedding at an international location. Flight and resort will cost each couple a little under ~$4K to attend. SIL’s parents and a couple siblings cannot afford this price and are reaching out to us to help pay their way. We have a good salary but have some expenses of our own and cannot afford to pay an extra $8k for family members to attend, but DH won’t hear it from me- he says everyone needs to be there and “so be it” if we have to stretch to make this woek. I think it’s inconsiderate of SIL to be doing a destination wedding in the first place when she knows several family members don’t have the money to go… if having family there is important to her.

Has anyone been in this situation? What is the right thing to do? I’m so uncomfortable about this but don’t want to bother the couple getting married.


Outrageous for SIL and for relatives to ask you for money and beyond outrageous for your DH to fund their trip. They should have a party for them when they come home from honeymoon.

I would give money in a heartbeat for something serious but a wedding is not serious and I would not do without anything for my family to pay for something so frivolous .
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 18:53     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Don’t pay for anyone and don’t go yourself. Let SIL know.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 18:28     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:I absolutely would not pay for this. Your SIL sounds selfish and self- absorbed and if it were me, I would discourage my husband from enabling this behavior. It’s just the start if you don’t stop it now.


Did SIL ask anyone to pay for her parents? Or siblings? Maybe she just wants a wedding where she wants it. An invitation is not a summons.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 18:24     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
I absolutely would not pay for this. Your SIL sounds selfish and self- absorbed and if it were me, I would discourage my husband from enabling this behavior. It’s just the start if you don’t stop it now.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 18:12     Subject: Re:Paying for destination wedding
Resorts not bags
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 18:11     Subject: Re:Paying for destination wedding
Destination wedding bags also give comps back to the bride and groom. My aunt was furious when she found out that all the relatives paying full price were basically giving her nephew and his fiancé comps so which they gave to their friends.

Destination wedding are trashy and rude. It’s a way for a young couple to get a free honeymoon and treat their closest buddies to a resort stay. Gross.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 16:57     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Absolutely would not help with this, even if it wasn't a financial stretch. And I wouldn't go myself. But I think destination weddings are inherently selfish, so admittedly I already have a chip on my shoulder on this subject.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 16:50     Subject: Re:Paying for destination wedding
The parents (and others) must be too embarrassed to ask the happy couple for help. That's unfortunate as my parents would have gave it to me straight as soon as chatter started about this type of event.

I would decline to assist the others, because I am sure the happy couple can still get out of their contracts. Any fees would be less than whatever you are paying to 'host' everyone for their wedding.

Or at the very least, will put the pressure on the happy couple to cut some elements to get everyone there.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 16:49     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Are you sure she actually wants people there? This is a common tactic to keep difficult family members from coming. Is she pretty independent?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 16:45     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
I wouldn’t be opposed to helping out on flights but where in the heck is it for those flight prices??? Plan someplace more reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 16:32     Subject: Re:Paying for destination wedding
Maybe for DH's parents but no way for other families members. At some point I would just say why don't we put this money toward a family celebration after the bride and groom get back from their wedding and no one goes.