Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, for most working class people, when the kids turn 18, they have LESS financial burden. One less mouth to feed, and the 18 year old usually goes to work, military, community college, or if they're very academically inclined, college with a full ride or close to it thanks to financial aid/state honors colleges, etc.

The only people whose costs go up significantly are actually the UMC, particularly those who are in the donut hole and send their kids to private colleges out of state.

the donut hole is a myth.

It's not, but it's at a lower income level than "UMC". I grew up with parents making decent money, one had a master's degree, another in management position. But they still had to take on debt to send us to in-state publics. Did not qualify for FAFSA/anything need-based.

Anonymous wrote:Actually, for most working class people, when the kids turn 18, they have LESS financial burden. One less mouth to feed, and the 18 year old usually goes to work, military, community college, or if they're very academically inclined, college with a full ride or close to it thanks to financial aid/state honors colleges, etc.

The only people whose costs go up significantly are actually the UMC, particularly those who are in the donut hole and send their kids to private colleges out of state.

the donut hole is a myth.

A dear friend nannied before and after being a SAHM her child. While her child was young she did before and after school care for a nearby family. She doesn't do it any longer because she falls into a depression when the children move on from her care.

I think a lot of SAHMs who do go back to work choose to teach or work at a preschool rather than work independently as a nanny or daycare provider. Preschools often provide them with a social community of other teachers, it's often affiliated with a church or community they enjoy, and you don't have the pressure of being your own employer and/or liability.

Because I'm burned out. My own kids burned me out and I'm not certain I won't snap and yell at your kids.

Anonymous wrote:The SAHM I know who are complaining about finances are MC to UMC women and would not want to have a peer as their boss.

I think it's partly this and that it runs the other direction too. When I was a SAHM to a baby/toddler, I had the bright idea to see if I could become a nanny (full or part time) to a family with a similar age child. It seemed like a no-brainer since I was already taking care of a child and my house was set up for it. Like a nanny share but I'm the nanny. It was harder than I expected. I think some people worried I would neglect their kid in favor of my own (I wouldn't, but I get why you'd worry about this if you'd never met me before) but I also think there was some awkwardness around hiring someone so similar to themselves. I was a highly educated, white collar professional who'd had a 20 year career and was working at a fairly high level before deciding to have a baby and step back. I think people were incredulous that I'd do that, and especially that I would then consider taking on "domestic work".

I nannied in high school and college to get through school and have always been good with little kids. I actually really like the rhythm of that kind of work -- needs are all mostly immediate, you can be creative in how you play with the children, there is just a vibe that is simultaneously very peaceful and productive. I had originally planned to return to work after having my baby but during my maternity leave I fell into those familiar old rhythms and was just like "no, this is better."

In any case, I wound up taking on a few babysitting jobs here and there, but never found a family I clicked with to do longer term nannying work. I'd consider trying again when my child is older (I now work part-time as a freelancer in my old industry), but I think most families who are hiring nannies prefer to hire someone who is less like themselves. I think a MC or UMC white lady who chooses domestic work will always seem a little bit suspect to those who don't. It gets drilled into a lot of women from a young age that domestic work is less than and that success lies in working out of the home like their fathers did. A lot of women my age had SAHMs as kids and there is a not-well-concealed disdain for many of those moms.

A lot of our childcare problems could be resolved if we could find a way to value childcare and domestic work on the same level as other paid work. It's something we really struggle with, culturally, and it's not just childcare workers who suffer for it (though they do). It's also pretty much all mothers, families who struggle to find quality care, employers who lose workers or whose workers have lower quality of life and morale because of the challenges of being a working parent. If we just accepted that caring for children is worthwhile, productive, economic work, instead of pretending it's some labor of love that should only be done out of the goodness of your hear, we could figure out common sense solutions.

Actually, for most working class people, when the kids turn 18, they have LESS financial burden. One less mouth to feed, and the 18 year old usually goes to work, military, community college, or if they're very academically inclined, college with a full ride or close to it thanks to financial aid/state honors colleges, etc.

The only people whose costs go up significantly are actually the UMC, particularly those who are in the donut hole and send their kids to private colleges out of state.

You sound extremely entitled to expect someone to be your nanny because you think they should work.

Lets see why not:

I worked in day cares and as a nanny prior to having kids and a professional job. It sucked. Especially with parents who are checked out and don't parent and don't care how their kids behave.

Covid

I don't need the money and post taxes for the hours its absolutely not worth it.

I like my kids, I don't like your kids.

I am a teacher with a Master's degree. I took a year off during Covid to work as a nanny/tutor for a wealthy family. I made $130K that year. Nannies for wealthy families can make a lot more than you think.

If I was to go back to work at some point I'd want to work with adults. I have zero interest in watching someone else's kids all day. I don't stay home because I especially love kids, just my own kids. I have degrees, a prior work history, and still do some occasional side work. I'm qualified to do more than just watch kids.

The women are tired.

After being a SAHM for 18 years plus, I can’t imagine anything I’d prefer less than to basically start all over but with a child I don’t even love because he isn’t my own haha

Older SAHMs with kids in high school are generally fairly affluent. Most of my mom friends that needed income went back to work at least part-time well before age 50.

People also tend to make assumptions about college that aren't always correct. When making small talk the cost of college often comes up if you have older kids. I'll agree with people that it is expensive but the real details, that we have it fully funded years ago due to family money, I can't really say to anyone.

The other factor keeping me from a full-time job with no flexibility is elder care. Just as my kids are going off to college my in-laws and parents needed more help.

Anonymous wrote:Sahm doesn't qualify you as a nanny.

People like nannies with early childhood degrees and the like. I don't have that.
Plus, I'm old. My 50 yr old hips and back can no longer chase a toddler around and I have little energy/desire to change gross diapers or deal with potty training to boot.
And I only like my own kids.

Yeah, a lot of moms nowadays are 50s-60s when their kids leave.

OP, you're an idiot.

The SAHMs who complain that they can't get a good job after SAH typically aren't moms who need the money -- they want to work but aren't willing to do sh*t work and I don't blame them. If they really needed the money they wouldn't have stayed home in the first place. Duh.

It takes a special person to be a nanny. I don't like anybody else's kids. I only like my own kids and my grandkids. No interest in watching anybody else's kids for money. In fact, I watch my own grandkids for free.