I went through the process in Arlington County with my husband’s aunt. She had dementia and then her husband died suddenly- they had an assigned POA but that person did not feel she could serve in her role. The process is straightforward- medical documentation, and an interview with a court appointed guardian. Even though the aunt was quite lucid and social, she clearly was not able to care for herself, and without guardianship no one else was able to help her with bills or medical care. The hearing was brief, and until she died I filled semi-annual financial reports and guardianship to the court. Because I was also a financial conservator, I also had to secure bond, which her estate paid for.

Op, I know a decent amount about this because I am an attorney (though not trust and estate) and my parents have dementia.

First, what is the current state of your fathers estate planning? Does he have a financial power of attorney? A health care attorney? Estate planning that could have out his assets in a trust with a successor trustee? Do you have siblings?

If you don’t know the answer to this, and he won’t tell you, you could try to look it up and see if his county has anything like a POA recorded.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone. And just to clarify - the bank wasn’t scared about their safety; they were scared about my dad who is old, feeble and confused, taking out all that money and being victimized.

He has given away tens of thousands so far.

Can you try to get him to give you POA if the bank will accept that and block him from the money or just give him a little bit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did. I filed in court myself. Easy process. You do not need an attorney.

Did your parent consent to this? I find it disconcerting that it was an easy process to get guardianship over another adult with no attorneys (or doctors?) involved.

Not our experience at all. If the parent refuses the neurological exam or walks out during it, good luck! Perhaps it is easy with a compliant and pleasant parent. Try one who threatens to sue everyone and is explosive.

No big deal. My relative was explosive and could not say their name let alone a conversation. That proved dementia. The form is a simple sign off. You don’t need a neurologist just two doctors. Can be two urgent cares. You can probably do a virtual doctor too now. We just filled out the paperwork, sent notice to interested parties, two regular doctors to sign off on it, court assigned her an attorney to investigate and she agreed. The court hearing was 5-10 minutes and that attorney handled it all so we did not need one. We got physical and financial guardianship. Had to file yearly reports.

Doctors will do this virtually? And urgent cares? That really surprises me.

I'm not sure if they'd do it virtually but we do a lot of virtual appointments and kinda surprised at some of it. We used an urgent care for one of the two signatures and a primary care doctor that we took her to maybe 2-3 times before. But, it was very clear it was dementia.

Anonymous wrote:At some point you may just have to call 911 and have them admitted to the hospital. Not ideal, but if they don't give you any other choice, it may be your only option.

Why would you do this? That's not going to get your guardianship.

I’m so sorry to hear about your father. Sadly, I went through a very similar scenario with my father. It is very difficult to gain access to a parent’s estate if they are adamantly opposed. Google the Baker Act. I had the police visit my father several times to try to get him involuntarily committed for a mental health evaluation. But he was always able to hold it together in front of them. He had a clean home, paid his bills on time, ate healthy regular meals, had clean clothes, etc. Police and doctors can invoke the Baker Act. I believe you can also petition a judge to do the same, but the threshold is very high.

He ended up selling his home, moving into a hotel and giving away all of his money. I had no power to stop him. My only support came from Vanguard, who managed his IRA. They cut off his access to his IRA and put me in charge, but that is only because he listed me to step in if needed (before he started to lose his mind). His other banks would not help me…said he had the right to make bad financial decisions.

I consulted with local to me (MD) and local to him (FL) estate attorneys and unfortunately, my hands were literally tied. I hope things work out better for you!

At some point you may just have to call 911 and have them admitted to the hospital. Not ideal, but if they don't give you any other choice, it may be your only option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did. I filed in court myself. Easy process. You do not need an attorney.

Did your parent consent to this? I find it disconcerting that it was an easy process to get guardianship over another adult with no attorneys (or doctors?) involved.

Not our experience at all. If the parent refuses the neurological exam or walks out during it, good luck! Perhaps it is easy with a compliant and pleasant parent. Try one who threatens to sue everyone and is explosive.

No big deal. My relative was explosive and could not say their name let alone a conversation. That proved dementia. The form is a simple sign off. You don’t need a neurologist just two doctors. Can be two urgent cares. You can probably do a virtual doctor too now. We just filled out the paperwork, sent notice to interested parties, two regular doctors to sign off on it, court assigned her an attorney to investigate and she agreed. The court hearing was 5-10 minutes and that attorney handled it all so we did not need one. We got physical and financial guardianship. Had to file yearly reports.

Doctors will do this virtually? And urgent cares? That really surprises me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did. I filed in court myself. Easy process. You do not need an attorney.

Did your parent consent to this? I find it disconcerting that it was an easy process to get guardianship over another adult with no attorneys (or doctors?) involved.

Not our experience at all. If the parent refuses the neurological exam or walks out during it, good luck! Perhaps it is easy with a compliant and pleasant parent. Try one who threatens to sue everyone and is explosive.

NP and I wondered about that - if the parent refuses to go to the doctor, etc.

I think in that instance, unfortunately it might take a hospitalization to get the ball rolling.

Thank you everyone. And just to clarify - the bank wasn’t scared about their safety; they were scared about my dad who is old, feeble and confused, taking out all that money and being victimized.

He has given away tens of thousands so far.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few of had the experience that our parent could still hold it together, be lucid and "fake it" for evaluations. I do wonder about that. In all 3 cases these are people with very high IQs who could be lucid and as soon as evaluation was over and you are in car-back to delusions, tantrums and paranoia.

I would take videos of it to show them.

My friend's mother lunged at her grabbed the phone and bashed it. My mother threatened me I thought was going to have a stroke as she saw it. I didn't get enough recorded. I am glad some of you had an easy time. Not everyone does.

Maybe set up a home camera out of sight. My relative was in bad shape with dementia. So, much further along. You can use any doctor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few of had the experience that our parent could still hold it together, be lucid and "fake it" for evaluations. I do wonder about that. In all 3 cases these are people with very high IQs who could be lucid and as soon as evaluation was over and you are in car-back to delusions, tantrums and paranoia.

I would take videos of it to show them.

My friend's mother lunged at her grabbed the phone and bashed it. My mother threatened me I thought was going to have a stroke as she saw it. I didn't get enough recorded. I am glad some of you had an easy time. Not everyone does.

Anonymous wrote:A few of had the experience that our parent could still hold it together, be lucid and "fake it" for evaluations. I do wonder about that. In all 3 cases these are people with very high IQs who could be lucid and as soon as evaluation was over and you are in car-back to delusions, tantrums and paranoia.

I would take videos of it to show them.

A few of had the experience that our parent could still hold it together, be lucid and "fake it" for evaluations. I do wonder about that. In all 3 cases these are people with very high IQs who could be lucid and as soon as evaluation was over and you are in car-back to delusions, tantrums and paranoia.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did. I filed in court myself. Easy process. You do not need an attorney.

Did your parent consent to this? I find it disconcerting that it was an easy process to get guardianship over another adult with no attorneys (or doctors?) involved.

Not our experience at all. If the parent refuses the neurological exam or walks out during it, good luck! Perhaps it is easy with a compliant and pleasant parent. Try one who threatens to sue everyone and is explosive.

No big deal. My relative was explosive and could not say their name let alone a conversation. That proved dementia. The form is a simple sign off. You don’t need a neurologist just two doctors. Can be two urgent cares. You can probably do a virtual doctor too now. We just filled out the paperwork, sent notice to interested parties, two regular doctors to sign off on it, court assigned her an attorney to investigate and she agreed. The court hearing was 5-10 minutes and that attorney handled it all so we did not need one. We got physical and financial guardianship. Had to file yearly reports.