I lost my parent recently in a very sudden and unexpected way at 68. We were very close and I was devastated the first couple of weeks. Now, just a few months later I feel numb. I never cry and just tell the story of her death so matter of factly. Often times others cry as I tell the story but I just remain so stoic and blunt about it. This reaction really confuses me, as I was incredibly close to her and saw her almost daily, so it’s a huge loss.

I think it is accepting what happened and being sad about it is part of life.
It seems you are doing that and find comfort in his fast pain free departure.

Thank you, everyone, for your posts. For taking the time to reply. For caring. I take away something from every post and I’m grateful for your advice.

Some stories are heart-breaking, and I wish that everyone finds peace - yes, it may take time - about their loved ones.

I will keep trying too. Our parents go at the time when we have no choice but keep it together for our own kids - their grandkids.

I agree with other posters that 'embrace' really doesn't cover it. With the deaths of close family/friends, I either make peace with the fact that they're gone or find a new way to 'hold' them in my heart without pain. Grieving is tough and lasts for whatever amount of time you need to get through the pain of loss to a mental place that is less focused on loss and more focused on the person, the memories, what you learned from them, etc.

Thank you, PPs... -NP