Anonymous wrote:Aspies have empathy but have trouble showing or expressing it. My DD and nephew both are high functioning and they are two of the sweetest, kindest people I know.

+1 When I suspect someone has high-functioning autism, it’s usually because I notice the lack of defenses around their caring hearts, along with usually some social awkwardness. It doesn’t mean there can’t be people with HFA who are jerks, just that “being a jerk” is a second, sometimes co-morbid, condition and not a necessary component of Aspergers.

Not sure that's what one is OP. My DH close talks and doesn't pick up some social cues. I do think he is very mildly on the aspie spectrum.

My parents just thought I was "quirky". Nope, 100% autistic. I go to therapy weekly and it helps me and my marriage.

Anonymous wrote:It is very common for their masking / coping strategies to work well while dating and in their professional lives. The multi-dimensional demands of family life typically cause their elaborate masking and coping mechanisms, highly specific schedules, specific preferences, demands for an inordinate amount of time devoted to their special interests, etc to come crashing down.

This is so true. The masking is not sustainable in an intimate relationship.

It is very common for their masking / coping strategies to work well while dating and in their professional lives. The multi-dimensional demands of family life typically cause their elaborate masking and coping mechanisms, highly specific schedules, specific preferences, demands for an inordinate amount of time devoted to their special interests, etc to come crashing down.

OP, why do you think he is on the autistic spectrum? My DH sounds like yours but I think he is just an ahole spectrum.

Aspies have empathy but have trouble showing or expressing it. My DD and nephew both are high functioning and they are two of the sweetest, kindest people I know.

Anonymous wrote:Sure OP, as long as he is willing to work with a therapist. Most of us who are "aspie'" were never diagnosed and our parents just told us we were jerks, at least in my case.

Aw I'm so sorry! My ASD DH got so much better with therapy and medication. It was either divorce or medical help.

Anonymous wrote:Pretty clueless of you not to have figured this out before you married him. Too bad!

Making is real. Do you think anyone would marry someone who let it all hang out?

My exW accused me of having Asperger's. So I got screened, twice. I don't have it, but my psychologist did say it's likely I have an abusive, gaslighting (now ex-) wife.

Robotic sex- you never tried before you bought? The signs were there before you married……..

Well calling him an aspie doesn't really sound like you are coming from a place where you have any respect or love for him or just basic human decency around disabilities so...I think maybe no?

That sounds like me and it was untreated adhd where I was over stimulated by sudden input.

Anonymous wrote:Sure OP, as long as he is willing to work with a therapist. Most of us who are "aspie'" were never diagnosed and our parents just told us we were jerks, at least in my case.

Mine were fans of the always clever and effective parenting method of hitting children until they comply to norms. I was diagnosed later though.

OP is there any hope for what exactly? I don't have outbursts in traffic, deliver monologues, and I'm not aware of any robotic sex issues. It would be really really great if folks could understand that people on the autism spectrum (not "aspies". Please, please stop) are not a monolith and yeah, some of that just sounds like being a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people on this thread may not be "aspie" but they have some kind of cognitive issues regarding understanding a wedding vow that THEY MADE. "Hey, I was just saying that to get married. Now that I realize my DH is 'an aspie' I'm going to get a divorce. No big deal."

No one else has brought up the word "divorce" but you. No one else. Just you.

12:05:
Do you have kids? If not, get a divorce. It doesn’t get easier.