Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was a swimmer invited to an elite group when he was going into 7th grader. It was a hard decision in our family, because we both work FT and we had other non-swimming children. My spouse and I are not athletes, so we don't get it. We thought about it for a week or so and it was good for this child . They have excellent time management skills and are an excellent student, and are currently swimming at s D3 UAA school studying E.Engineering. Club swimming at a high level is very stressful and expensive for families and it is ok to say no. Think hard, along the way- we woke up a 4am to get them to practice, had to carpool with children/families I didn't care for, had some inappropriate coaches, and met some very intense/crazy parents. I learned quickly, not everyone wants your child to succeed. If you say yes, find a carpool, offer to time at meets (so you don't have to sit in the stands to hear the gossip) and make sure your child is being treated appropriately. High standards are great, coaches texting your minor child after hours about other swimmers, not so great.

Your last sentence is very worrisome. Was your swimmer with a local club?

Yes- this was about 6 years ago (before safe sport explicitly made it inappropriate- the coach was eventually released from the club, where my kid swam, and we graduated. I think that they are still around the sport. That a few creeps in every bunch. Protect your kid…. No athletic success is worth mental abuse.

My DD was an exceptional basketball player and the school she was at has a super-intense program (11 months of the year, 5 days/week, weights, weekday and weekend tournaments)

To cut to the end of the story, she now does another sport (an outside-of-the-school sport)

But here is why I'm writing this: Assuming your kid wants to do it (assuming it's kid-driven and not pressure from the coach and especially friends on the team, or Dad);

You have to balance their chances on being a college recruit vs. them tanking their GPA because the sport doesn't give them enough time to either keep their GPA up and/or take challenging classes.

You have to be very careful on this, because *what is great talent for high school is not always great talent or recruitment material for college*

So in the case of our DD, she was so so good, but she didn't grow. She realistically just wasn't tall enough to be a college recruit.

Meanwhile, their high school brings in (on scholarship, so high school recruits) some very talented and tall kids whose path to college will be through being college athletic recruits.

Those recruited kids have their ticket to colleges, so a lot of them don't have the *academic* work ethic as it's not the main driver for them. Some used to give DD sh*t when they'd see her trying to get some studying in.

More importantly, the high school coach wasn't really concerned about DD's college future, just about winning games.

It was actually great luck that DD was the height that she was--if she was a couple inches taller, she would have been sort-of competitive but still a bit short, so it would have been a harder analysis.

Anonymous wrote:My kid was a swimmer invited to an elite group when he was going into 7th grader. It was a hard decision in our family, because we both work FT and we had other non-swimming children. My spouse and I are not athletes, so we don't get it. We thought about it for a week or so and it was good for this child . They have excellent time management skills and are an excellent student, and are currently swimming at s D3 UAA school studying E.Engineering. Club swimming at a high level is very stressful and expensive for families and it is ok to say no. Think hard, along the way- we woke up a 4am to get them to practice, had to carpool with children/families I didn't care for, had some inappropriate coaches, and met some very intense/crazy parents. I learned quickly, not everyone wants your child to succeed. If you say yes, find a carpool, offer to time at meets (so you don't have to sit in the stands to hear the gossip) and make sure your child is being treated appropriately. High standards are great, coaches texting your minor child after hours about other swimmers, not so great.

Your last sentence is very worrisome. Was your swimmer with a local club?

My kid was a swimmer invited to an elite group when he was going into 7th grader. It was a hard decision in our family, because we both work FT and we had other non-swimming children. My spouse and I are not athletes, so we don't get it. We thought about it for a week or so and it was good for this child . They have excellent time management skills and are an excellent student, and are currently swimming at s D3 UAA school studying E.Engineering. Club swimming at a high level is very stressful and expensive for families and it is ok to say no. Think hard, along the way- we woke up a 4am to get them to practice, had to carpool with children/families I didn't care for, had some inappropriate coaches, and met some very intense/crazy parents. I learned quickly, not everyone wants your child to succeed. If you say yes, find a carpool, offer to time at meets (so you don't have to sit in the stands to hear the gossip) and make sure your child is being treated appropriately. High standards are great, coaches texting your minor child after hours about other swimmers, not so great.

Another swimmer family here. Every single swimmer that I have seen who sticks with swimming until the end of high school are super motivated. These kids beg their parents to let them do it. I don't think your child has that kind of drive from your post. You could try and see how it goes, but it's going to be really tough. Good luck!

If your kid likes another sport better, I would never box them out from participating in it at a young-ish age.

I would swim more modestly and continue in the other sport too.

My rising 7th grader will be putting in close to that many hours this fall in another sport. It's a major sacrifice for our family, and I'm not sure it's the right choice.

But I wouldn't do it for a sport I hoped they'll "grow to love", that wasn't their favorite.

I wouldn’t do it unless they love the sport and are begging you to let them.

Ugh, swimming is so mental that the motivation at that age has to 100% come from them. They might not always want to do it in the moment, but the desire to put in the work towards their goals has to be there. As PP said, it is too lonely and too much of a grind otherwise.

-Former swimmer

Your last paragraph is a red flag to me. A kid who says they’d rather make that type of commitment to a different sport than to swimming is not “all in” the way they need to be in order to be in that practice group. Swimming 5-6 times per week means a lot of time where it’s just you and that black line at the bottom of the pool. It’s not like a team sport.m where there’s more interaction during practice. And the stakes get higher at meets when you’ve been training that much. Plateauing or adding time is that much more disappointment when you have invested so much. You have to LOVE it to deal with all this. I’ll put it to you this way. I cried out of frustration and exhaustion during some sets. I threw up in my mouth a little from the exertion. I literally argued with my parents about wanting to go to every practice and every meet. They wanted me to do less and I wanted to do more. That’s the level of interest and commitment it takes. 5-6 practices will turn into 8-10 in a year or two. It’s not for everyone and that’s ok.

The sport does matter in these discussions. As does the sex of the kid.

The advantage of swimming is that the kid is not going to get contact injuries, and it is an individual timed sport so everyone can see how he is doing and make reasonably informed assessments.

Assuming (big assumptions that must be accounted for) the family can deal with the requirements in terms of cost, time commitments and life balance then the big things are the kid’s time.

Swimming is a sport from high school to college where no academic breaks are given. Kids who swim need to do well in school. So - parents must stay on top of schedules and grades. Even organized kids going into high school can get messed up. Parents cannot let that happen. This can affect high school class scheduling as well. Again, knowing your kid and staying on top of things makes a huge difference.

Does the kid really want to try some other stuff in high school? This is big too. And, this goes to where he might not want the swim club commitment. School plays? Run cross country? Try football? Just swim on the school swim team? Play water polo? All things a high school kid may want to do. How do those work with the swim club?

Physical development. Big factor here. Where is your kid going to be at 18? Is that still within college swimming range, or is your kid big for an 8th grader, but pretty much done growing. Don’t know? Find out.

Anonymous wrote:It’s swimming. Didn’t say this in the OP because I wanted broader perspectives on committing hard to one activity, not just a discussion about swimming. Kid isn’t sure whether they want it or not - could easily be swayed either way.

I wouldn't, unless the kid is all in, or unless you (AND your husband) are genuinely fine with letting them quit at the end of a given season.

It’s swimming. Didn’t say this in the OP because I wanted broader perspectives on committing hard to one activity, not just a discussion about swimming. Kid isn’t sure whether they want it or not - could easily be swayed either way.

if you can't be bothered to reveal the sport or the sex of the child, then i can't be bothered to give an opinion.

how hard is it to give a couple details?

Has to be kid driven. Let them play the sport they want.