Anonymous wrote:DH and I work hard to make a combined $300k. We live in a townhome that recently
appraised for $1.3m and our kids go to highly rated nearby public schools. We visit local free public parks. We go on mediocre beach vacations for a week.

My SIL is the sole breadwinner for her family of 4 and she makes about $120k. Her husband is a stay at home dad who helps take care of two special needs kids.

They rent a townhome in an ok area but still the same county as us and their kids go to local public schools. They visit local parks and go on mediocre beach vacations. They got $10k in stimulus funds that we did not qualify for.

It seems that we are basically living the same lifestyle yet we work so much harder for the exact same things. What gives? Why are we working so hard to get the basics?

For starters I’d assume your savings/retirement rate is wayyy higher.

Anonymous wrote:You are building net worth, they are not.

This. Stop thinking of it as a short term sprint.
They may seem to be running alongside you now but in 7 years your net worth and combine income, assuming that you each get raises and at least one promotion, will far exceed theirs.

Don't know how old you are, but your efforts will show results when you have $$ in the bank at 55 and they will not. Everyone seems on kind of the same page in the early years, but discrepancies show over time.

It's a long game.

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Anonymous wrote:P.S. it’s pretty gross that you obviously begrudge them the stimulus money.

We felt we should have earned some stimulus money, we got nothing. And $10k is a lot!

@ 300k HHI, why did you feel that way?

Uh, because life is expensive.

Not at that HHI. Learn how to manage your money.

-250 HHI

I am a government employee making less than your sister and I call BS on "less than 40 hours," every full time government job I know of requires 40 minimum and lunch is not paid. But it's true that many that aren't super high earning require little to no overtime. Would you and your husband each want to give up 20% of your income for 20% fewer hours? Because that actually sounds like a proportional tradeoff. You could probably find jobs doing that.

Beyond that, I'm finding it a bit hard to sympathize. Surely you must see that you have much more money than them, so if you're living the same lifestyle, you must have a ton more in the bank? And that owning a home with highly rated schools IS a generally more attractive and expensive choice than renting with OK schools? The cost of housing varies WILDLY within counties based on school quality more than house quality. You chose your place for a reason. Would you actually switch and send your kids to the other schools in the other area?

Your jealousy is so gross, OP. It doesn’t sound like your SIL’s family has it easy with two special needs children. For one parent to stay home, that’s likely a sacrifice and one in which they will have trouble gaining any wealth through home ownership, saving for retirement, and other savings. If either or both of their children need financial and care support through their adult lives it’ll be a major burden for them, both mentally and financially.

DH and I make in the 300s and no way should we have gotten any stimulus. We also live in a nice house valued at $1.2 (but probably not in what you’d consider a good school district), and we have PLENTY of money. I’d say our biggest challenge is childcare and we have one special needs DD, but our first is about to head off to public K and we will have a huge cost savings. If you can’t feel wealthy on 300K HHI I don’t know what to tell you.

You make double as much as them so what's your questions. You have twice as much money. If you want a better vacation than them, go take it.

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Anonymous wrote:P.S. it’s pretty gross that you obviously begrudge them the stimulus money.

We felt we should have earned some stimulus money, we got nothing. And $10k is a lot!

Do you have two special needs children that require enough care that one parent does not work? If you don't get off Al Gore's internet with this bullshit

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Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you work harder than they do?

We both work full time jobs that require at least 50 hours per week. SIL works a gov job of less than 40 hours.

Sounds like your SIL is smarter than you, and you’re finally realizing it. I agree with the other PP that you should ask her for financial as well as life advice. She’s living the life you want, so ask her how she does it.

Renting a townhome in the DMV and helping with two special needs children on a salary of $120k?

Well, OP is envious of her work life balance, so she’s obviously doing something right. Find out her secret, OP! Then you can quit your job and live like she does.

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Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you work harder than they do?

We both work full time jobs that require at least 50 hours per week. SIL works a gov job of less than 40 hours.

Sounds like your SIL is smarter than you, and you’re finally realizing it. I agree with the other PP that you should ask her for financial as well as life advice. She’s living the life you want, so ask her how she does it.

Renting a townhome in the DMV and helping with two special needs children on a salary of $120k?

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Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you work harder than they do?

We both work full time jobs that require at least 50 hours per week. SIL works a gov job of less than 40 hours.

Poor you.

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Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you work harder than they do?

We both work full time jobs that require at least 50 hours per week. SIL works a gov job of less than 40 hours.

Sounds like your SIL is smarter than you, and you’re finally realizing it. I agree with the other PP that you should ask her for financial as well as life advice. She’s living the life you want, so ask her how she does it.

I make about $130k and I am a single parent. My mortgage is very affordable for DC proper ($1200/month). I purchased my condo in 2009. I have had many opportunities to upgrade to a large home. I actually want to move out of my neighborhood so my kid can socialize with more upwardly mobile kids. But, we also travel amazing places around the world. I can easily contribute to all my retirement and college savings accounts and send financial gifts to friends and family.

I really enjoy having disposable income. I have friends like the OP who are married, have a high combined income and live in amazing homes. I think those of us who have not been able to reach that level have just accepted our rung in life and enjoy life anyway.

Unless something transformative happens, I will probably max out around $150-$160k in my career. I am okay with that. Even if I did earn more money, I don't think I can handle the stress of a "very important" DC job. I enjoy attending my kid's school events without worrying about work. I enjoy my low maintenance home and simple car.

Some people cannot handle the pressure that comes with mass accumulation of wealth, achievement and things. Some people prefer to live simply even if it means our kids don't attend the best schools or we don't have the best homes.

OP, feel lucky that you even have the drive to aspire for more. Some people do not want more for themselves, for better or for worse.

You really think you work harder when your family is taking care of two kids with special needs? Really, you’re making more money. But really? Working g harder.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you work harder than they do?

We both work full time jobs that require at least 50 hours per week. SIL works a gov job of less than 40 hours.