Anonymous
Post 07/22/2022 09:48     Subject: Re:I don’t honk my husband loves me.
We need to look at marriage not just at what we are getting from the marriage but what we are giving to the marriage. Men and Women's needs differ. Scientifically and historically speaking women need love and men need respect. Okay, so how does this happen? Typically when a woman gives respect, the man will give them the love and visa versa.  Check out Love and Respect by Eggerichs. There is another great book called the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. When we know what our spouse's love language is and our own love language and we are meeting that need for the other person you will be amazed at how your marriage starts to mend itself.  Ultimately, though we need to look at the definition of Love and who created love.   God created love, He is Love, and He defines it in His word, the Bible. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corin 13:4-8 
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2022 05:02     Subject: Re:I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Anonymous wrote:
Thought this was about a bumper sticker at first.


me too! Like, "honk if your husband loves you" or something.

Anyway, OP, there is a lot of gray area here. Did he tell you he didnt love you? Because I dont think there's an easy way of coming back from that and it sounds ,to me, like someone setting up the future or boundaries around intimacy.

If, on the other hand you suspect (for various reasons) you are not the love of his life (there's someone else or he just doesn't love you) then that is painful, but also more of a complex issue. Many marriages involve some sort of compromise--very rarely do people admit this, even to themselves. Many married people who were good partners, but they realize they dont lust after them or have a kind of exciting connection they have had with others or might have with others in the future. Others marry in a rush (fertility pressure) or a daze or just young and as they grow older they realize there are some fundamental differences in values, or intellectual outlooks or interests that are perhaps not significant enough to end things (esp if kids in the picture) but large enough to raise the spectre that perhaps they would be happier/more in love/more fulfilled with someone else. And then there are people always chasing an impossible high/ego boost/whatever and no one who istheir day in day out spouse will ever be exciting enough.

The question is where your spouse (or you) fall on this spectrum, where did you start out, and what to do about it.

and fwiw, I can sort of empathize. I think my spouse loves me, and I love them, as partners and as a team. But I am under no illusion they are my soulmate and I dont think our sex life is really fulfiling for either of us, but I also think we're committed enough to a stable family and friendship to mess things up by chasing a crush.


Well written. Your last paragraph is basically my marriage.

I do dream of one last shot at passion. Would I run away with an AP? No..but I totally understand why people succumb to short term affairs. Sounds wonderful in the abstract
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 21:39     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
I won’t clog the board with a quote but this is a great post PP

I wish my dealer sold oxytocin, norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine, I would snort piles of it to feel in love again.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 19:28     Subject: Re:I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Thought this was about a bumper sticker at first.


me too! Like, "honk if your husband loves you" or something.

Anyway, OP, there is a lot of gray area here. Did he tell you he didnt love you? Because I dont think there's an easy way of coming back from that and it sounds ,to me, like someone setting up the future or boundaries around intimacy.

If, on the other hand you suspect (for various reasons) you are not the love of his life (there's someone else or he just doesn't love you) then that is painful, but also more of a complex issue. Many marriages involve some sort of compromise--very rarely do people admit this, even to themselves. Many married people who were good partners, but they realize they dont lust after them or have a kind of exciting connection they have had with others or might have with others in the future. Others marry in a rush (fertility pressure) or a daze or just young and as they grow older they realize there are some fundamental differences in values, or intellectual outlooks or interests that are perhaps not significant enough to end things (esp if kids in the picture) but large enough to raise the spectre that perhaps they would be happier/more in love/more fulfilled with someone else. And then there are people always chasing an impossible high/ego boost/whatever and no one who istheir day in day out spouse will ever be exciting enough.

The question is where your spouse (or you) fall on this spectrum, where did you start out, and what to do about it.

and fwiw, I can sort of empathize. I think my spouse loves me, and I love them, as partners and as a team. But I am under no illusion they are my soulmate and I dont think our sex life is really fulfiling for either of us, but I also think we're committed enough to a stable family and friendship to mess things up by chasing a crush.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 18:44     Subject: Re:I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Thought this was about a bumper sticker at first.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 18:36     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Anonymous wrote:This is not uncommon. My ex husband never loved me. And I never really loved him either. He said he loved me but it was BS. He did not want to divorce. We did not divorce over lack of love...we divorced over lack of basic respect.


This is me, too. My husband married me for convenience and I would have tolerated that if only for our kids. Except that he was so verbally abusive and nasty with me and continually lies about his alcohol consumption.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 16:59     Subject: Re:I don’t honk my husband loves me.
OP, I am so sorry you are feeling this way now. 💔

Please clarify - did your husband actually tell you that he doesn’t love you or are you just feeling that he does not or ever did?
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 16:50     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Anonymous wrote:ps of course that work it supposed to be “think” not honk


You know, Jeff can fix the header for you... just hot report tell him you're the OP and that you made a soothing error.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 12:50     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is not uncommon. My ex husband never loved me. And I never really loved him either. He said he loved me but it was BS. He did not want to divorce. We did not divorce over lack of love...we divorced over lack of basic respect.


I mean this because I’m curious not in a bad way, but what factors made you decide to marry him anyway?


I did not really want to. I was almost 32 and a lot of family pressure to just do it. Biggest mistake of my life.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 12:32     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Anonymous wrote:This is not uncommon. My ex husband never loved me. And I never really loved him either. He said he loved me but it was BS. He did not want to divorce. We did not divorce over lack of love...we divorced over lack of basic respect.


I mean this because I’m curious not in a bad way, but what factors made you decide to marry him anyway?
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 11:37     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
This is not uncommon. My ex husband never loved me. And I never really loved him either. He said he loved me but it was BS. He did not want to divorce. We did not divorce over lack of love...we divorced over lack of basic respect.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 11:13     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Personally l was too sad knowing my husband didn’t love me, and in turn that also made me not live him anymore. Gone, never coming back. We had tried therapy a few times over the years.

So l was depressed about it for about a year, it was brutal, then l decided to end it. Best decision ever. Kid is fine - l worried about that but we both really prioritized our kid through the breakup and since then. However each situation is unique so you need to think through the scenarios.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 11:06     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We were feeling similar to previous posters. He brought up open relationships at a therapy session and I pushed back naturally. The therapist made an off hand remark about “how would you feel if she wanted to sleep with someone else?!” Both were surprised by his reaction. Six months later and now I am a cuckqueen.


So that means your marriage is only open for you right?


I guess I wasn’t clear, my apologies. So, he suggested open relationships as a means of excitement. He believed that I was completely against that or that I would be hurt by the thought of him lusting after someone else. Although it does hurt to imagine your significant other desiring someone else, I could fathom that it’s not love, it’s a moment of selfish pleasure - lust.

He responded to the therapist's question about me with another man, “I’d like to see it.” Our situation hasn’t evolved to seeking arrangements outside of each others company and I don’t think I could accept that. I don’t think he would be able to get another woman on his own and he hasn’t even requested it though. I am open to having a female join us for a threesome if it felt right and we were on vacation or something. He certainly experiences lust but for now he only needs to see me get down with another to get his socks off.
I am 35, he is 38.


I'm a little confused. Is this OP or a PP?



So he’s there watching on your dates or if you just tell him about it later?
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 11:00     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We were feeling similar to previous posters. He brought up open relationships at a therapy session and I pushed back naturally. The therapist made an off hand remark about “how would you feel if she wanted to sleep with someone else?!” Both were surprised by his reaction. Six months later and now I am a cuckqueen.


So that means your marriage is only open for you right?


I guess I wasn’t clear, my apologies. So, he suggested open relationships as a means of excitement. He believed that I was completely against that or that I would be hurt by the thought of him lusting after someone else. Although it does hurt to imagine your significant other desiring someone else, I could fathom that it’s not love, it’s a moment of selfish pleasure - lust.

He responded to the therapist's question about me with another man, “I’d like to see it.” Our situation hasn’t evolved to seeking arrangements outside of each others company and I don’t think I could accept that. I don’t think he would be able to get another woman on his own and he hasn’t even requested it though. I am open to having a female join us for a threesome if it felt right and we were on vacation or something. He certainly experiences lust but for now he only needs to see me get down with another to get his socks off.
I am 35, he is 38.


I'm a little confused. Is this OP or a PP?


I don't think it is OP. I think OP needs to tell us why she thinks her husband doesn't love her.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 10:58     Subject: I don’t honk my husband loves me.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We were feeling similar to previous posters. He brought up open relationships at a therapy session and I pushed back naturally. The therapist made an off hand remark about “how would you feel if she wanted to sleep with someone else?!” Both were surprised by his reaction. Six months later and now I am a cuckqueen.


So that means your marriage is only open for you right?


I guess I wasn’t clear, my apologies. So, he suggested open relationships as a means of excitement. He believed that I was completely against that or that I would be hurt by the thought of him lusting after someone else. Although it does hurt to imagine your significant other desiring someone else, I could fathom that it’s not love, it’s a moment of selfish pleasure - lust.

He responded to the therapist's question about me with another man, “I’d like to see it.” Our situation hasn’t evolved to seeking arrangements outside of each others company and I don’t think I could accept that. I don’t think he would be able to get another woman on his own and he hasn’t even requested it though. I am open to having a female join us for a threesome if it felt right and we were on vacation or something. He certainly experiences lust but for now he only needs to see me get down with another to get his socks off.
I am 35, he is 38.


I'm a little confused. Is this OP or a PP?