Put them in a good school system with positive peers. Watch out for bad friends, nip it in the bud. Don't home school, they will be socially awkward. Spend time with them. Talk with them not at them.

My oldest is 20 so still kind of a baby adult, but here's what I've got:
1. Play the long game vs attempting to control the here and now. You'll see lots of "no sex/drugs/alcohol on my watch, do what you want in college" talk on this board. But you know what? If you shut down those conversations about things that MOST kids try before college you lose a huge opportunity to help them navigate safely. This means you can't freak out about stuff.
2. Listen and affirm their thoughts and experiences rather than offering advice all the time. This is hard for me. I want to fix things. But I find that I'm most effective as a parent when I do more listening and less talking.
3. It's okay to let them know when they've been rude, hurt your feelings etc. But don't pout about it. Be a grownup. Model setting boundaries and self respect. They will need these things down the line.
4. Support them findings things they love to do and feel good at. I'm not talking about "find your passion" that's a ton of pressure. Or things that "look good for college." Just things they like to do, feel good about doing, connect them with other like-minded peers and adults, that help contribute to their sense of themself.

Travel with your kids as much as you can. Pull them out of school and do it.

If other parents are telling you there's a problem, take it serioiusly. You don't have to agree with them, but people seldom do that unless they're quite sure and the concern is significant.

Anonymous wrote:Be careful who they end up being friends with. Bad friends can undo all your hard work. If you notice a friend is manipulative and envious of your child, quietly work to distance your DC from that person.

This.
Calling out a bad friend caused many fights with darling child in middle school, but it paid off in the end.

Anonymous wrote:Savor this time. They need you, and you are having an important influence on who they will become. Teach values, by your example. Spend quality time together (hiking, kayaking, picnics, making s’mores, building sandcastles and snowmen). Your window on them wanting to spend time with you will get smaller. They are blessings. Cherish then.

This.

I wish I had been more patient and not gotten angrey with them for things that really didn't matter in the long run. A stain on the carpet or having to remind them 'again' to put thier dishes in the dishwsher mean absoltely nothing. Save the frustrations and lectures for issues that impact their health or safety or long term future. All the rest can be corrected with gentle guidance.

I wish I had spent more time with them. ALL the time they asked for. Their first time leaving for college is brutal - you realize that their childhood is over and the VAST majority of concentrated time you get to spend with them for the rest of their life has already passed. You may not want to play dress up AGAIN or play dolls instead of making dinner. But do it. When you see them leave for college it won't matter that they had frozen pizza yet again - it WILL matter that you were there for them and that you both have those memories.

I wish I would have encouraged them just a little more to get involved. They were quite introverted so I didn't push them to get involved in aftershool activities or sports teams and I think it would have been good for their social dvelopment looking back.

Something I'm really glad I did? Listened and found opportunities for conversation. Light, heavy, feelings, emotions, weather, friends, nature, work, politics, everything. From the time they were little I engaged them real, honest conversation about non-parent logistic need things and focused on understanding who they were as little, then big, humans. During harder times (12-15 especially!) I think this base really helped us stay connected and me better understand them a bit more.