Anonymous
Post 07/25/2022 14:06     Subject: Re:Good manners or unnecessary?
I think my kids might do what OP is describing and I probably wouldn't make anything of it with them. They are 4 & 7. I would say they do not politely make eye contact, say hello, and ask a question. These are sweet, gregarious kids who would be warm and friendly with people they know but not 'polite' in the way OP is describing. They'd just be themselves but not a coached version. My 7 year old is way more likely to do what OP describes but it can be touch and go depending on mood, who it is, where we are, etc. Four year old gets nervous. I model what it looks like and hope they catch on, which it seems they will given that 7 year old is probably 50/50. I dunno. I don't find it rude when kits walk past me. I would say hello to them, ask a question but generally don't let kids get under my skin.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2022 09:19     Subject: Re:Good manners or unnecessary?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the comments. It seems most people think of this as rude behavior and not something I should just shrug off as a cultural difference.

Makes me feel a bit disappointed in those friends and neighbors who aren't trying to instill good social skills at a young age.


My kids have level 1 autism. No one would know it to look at them or interact with them. Instead, they see them as rude or creepy because they don't have basic social skills despite being taught ad nauseum. If they had an obvious disability like Downs Syndrome , no one would be upset by their lack of social skills.
OP, I would invite you to focus on actual kindness versus politeness. The two are very different things. Politeness means expecting the social rules are followed at all times. Niceness means giving others the benefit of the doubt at all times.


In OP’s scenario the parent is around and should be reminding the child to greet the acquaintance. No excuse for the parent to be lax even if the child is autistic. My nephew is autistic and his parents always have him greet.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2022 23:43     Subject: Re:Good manners or unnecessary?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the comments. It seems most people think of this as rude behavior and not something I should just shrug off as a cultural difference.

Makes me feel a bit disappointed in those friends and neighbors who aren't trying to instill good social skills at a young age.


My kids have level 1 autism. No one would know it to look at them or interact with them. Instead, they see them as rude or creepy because they don't have basic social skills despite being taught ad nauseum. If they had an obvious disability like Downs Syndrome , no one would be upset by their lack of social skills.
OP, I would invite you to focus on actual kindness versus politeness. The two are very different things. Politeness means expecting the social rules are followed at all times. Niceness means giving others the benefit of the doubt at all times.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2022 08:29     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
Always tea h kids good manners. You don't need expensive schools to tell u that. Good manners starts from home. You don't want your kid to be hated and outcast
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2022 22:25     Subject: Re:Good manners or unnecessary?
It's not a class or race thing. You were raised right, and your children are raised right. I grew up very mc white, and the same thing (minus the hugs) we're expected of me.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 19:28     Subject: Re:Good manners or unnecessary?
I am with you, OP. I drill into my kids to say hello and engage with adults that come to our house or whom we visit. Keep up the good work. Don't be discouraged by savages
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 18:33     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
My kids are like this. I fully acknowledge it's rude. I struggle to fix it because we aren't super social so they just aren't faced with social situations to learn from a lot. We tell them to say hello and thank you when they don't, but it's hard for kids to make it a habit if they don't have to do it very often.

I'm Indian and grew up with super social parents so I just learned to do it by repetition.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 10:45     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
It's basic good manners and far too many parents do not teach their children how to behave in public. Playgrounds, restaurants, doctor offices, air planes, any public place and they are rife with feral children with uncaring parents glued to their phones.

Anonymous
Post 07/21/2022 05:33     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
Anonymous wrote:As a kid, I don’t recall needing to go & greet my parents’ friends. I never thought of this as rude. If the kids are playing outside or in their rooms, do you expect them to come to the door & make an appearance? This must be a cultural thing.


Re-read the OP. They specifically mentioned the kids walking by the room where the parent and acquaintance was, and not acknowledging. If you see someone and can’t be bothered with a quick hi, that is rude.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2022 15:26     Subject: Re:Good manners or unnecessary?
OP here. Thanks for all the comments. It seems most people think of this as rude behavior and not something I should just shrug off as a cultural difference.

Makes me feel a bit disappointed in those friends and neighbors who aren't trying to instill good social skills at a young age.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2022 15:20     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
As a kid, I don’t recall needing to go & greet my parents’ friends. I never thought of this as rude. If the kids are playing outside or in their rooms, do you expect them to come to the door & make an appearance? This must be a cultural thing.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2022 11:10     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a middle class Hispanic household in California. Parents owned a small local business. My siblings and I were raised to say hello, make eye contact, and either hug or shake hands with anybody who came over to our house. If they were chatting in the living room or kitchen with my parents, we never just walked by and didn't acknowledge the elderly lady from next door who came by to ask about something or our aunts and uncles who stopped over to say hi or drop something off. I have raised my DCs who are growing up here in DC the same way. I'd be embarrassed if they didn't show what I consider to be baseline good manners in that situation. However, I've noticed that there are families here where the kids don't even acknowledge my presence when I am in their house. They often have earphones on and don't seem to be interacting with anybody who is home, much less me as a visitor. Is this a cultural/racial thing? Is it an upper class thing? Do I just have friends with rude children? These same kids behave this way even if we run into them at a local grocery store or a store when they're out with their parents. They know to say hello when they come to our house to borrow something or try to sell us something for a fundraiser, so they aren't clueless in all situations.


I agree with you and my children were taught manners from the beginning. There is only one thing that Clarence Thomas has ever said that I agree with is "Good manners will open doors that the best education will not."
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2022 10:42     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m Asian American in DC and have seen this with kids and parents of all backgrounds. I think it’s the current aloof culture of social media, screens, headphones, pandemic isolation, social anxiety and general entitlement. Prepandemic I also saw it in millennial and gen z coworkers who would freak out if you approached their cubicle to ask them a question face to face. Again, not all, but many were like this. It is frigid and off putting.


+1000


Yes to this.

My 11 year old (biracial, B/W, for all those concerned with race here) has been taught to make eye contact, greet people, and ask at least one question or make one comment beyond the standard "How are you?" or "It's nice to see you" when & where appropriate.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2022 10:18     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
It's def a bratty kid thing that I see not just in DC.

As a "white" who married into Asian family, the adults often don't greet me but their kids will. Spouse's family also hug almost everyone coming in and going out which I don't force my children to do to the long distant cousin you've never met in your life, but expect them to hug and greet close family.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2022 09:43     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
Yeah, rude kids. (And in fairness, I KNOW my kids have done that, but it's something we're continuing to work on. It's not acceptable when my kids are rude.)

As others have said, hugs and long conversations aren't expected, but "stop the video game, make eye contact, and say hello" are definitely expected.

- White mom of white kids