Anonymous
Post 07/18/2022 16:09     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
My daughters are almost 6 years apart -- they are now 8.5 and 3. It was not by choice, but rather due to secondary infertility. Obviously life had become super easy and lovely with one sweet, easy going 5.5 year old, so bringing a new baby and then toddler in the mix did mean "starting over", like you said. And it initially curbed a bit the kind of vacations we could take, weekend activities, etc. But, truly it's been fantastic, and after a few short years we are now back to doing all that stuff again. My DD's ADORE each other, and my younger DD, and the relationship between the two, is just such a source of joy. They do not squabble and fight like my close-in-age nieces and nephews, and older DD was a piece of cake during the baby stage for my younger.

Anonymous
Post 07/18/2022 15:32     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
I get what you are saying about starting over, but having kids who are less than two years apart, the idea of having a baby when the older is 5 (or older) seems heavenly! It is REALLY hard having two kids that are both incredibly needy for every single thing. the things my toddler got into when I was nursing or changing the infants diaper ... ugh. It will be wonderful. Fewer shared interests, yes, but also less competition, etc. Good luck to you!
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2022 15:48     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
Anonymous wrote:I love age gaps. It allows me to enjoy each child individually. The early ears are crucial for brain development, and for forming lifelong eating and sleeping habits etc. It's a lot harder to properly address those with multiple babies/toddlers at the same time. There is a lot of research done that the optimal age gap for IQ and health of the baby and mother is 3-5 years. Less than 2 years and the risk of autism goes way up. Your body gets tired and depleted from pregnancies in close succession. 

I deliberately spaced my kids 4 years apart. I didn't want to miss out on the important moments of their lives and the things that I love and to be overwhelmed by the kid stuff I hate: sleep deprivation, diaper changes, teen years and empty nest/college costs with multiple kids at the same time - no, thank you. 

Lastly, siblings tend to fight less when there is a bit of a spread. They are just not as competitive with each other. 

Enjoy your baby when she or he comes, OP.


PP could you link the studies you’re referring to? I’m trying to convince DH we should do a 3-4 year gap instead of 2 years. He is a scientist so papers go a lot farther than anecdotal proof (all I have right now) to convince him.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2022 15:27     Subject: Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
There are pros and cons to everything in life - you just have to decide if the pros outweigh the cons for you and look at the bigger picture and go from there.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2022 15:07     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
Have you been around people with 2 under 2 or 2 under 3 or 3 under 4? It's awful. If I had a choice, I would never have kids close together but none of us have choice it seems.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2022 14:58     Subject: Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
The nearly 5 year age gap between #2 and #3 has been a million times easier than the 2 year age gap between #1 and #2. As a PP mentioned, you don’t get that sibling competition when you have more age spacing. Also, the older kid(s) can be helpful with the baby or entertain themselves while you’re busy nursing and whatnot. And there is still a strong bond between them. My older two LOVE their baby sister and try to make her laugh all the time. She adores them back (I swear they’re her favorite people in the family!). A gap can be very sweet.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2022 00:25     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
early *years*
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2022 00:24     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
I love age gaps. It allows me to enjoy each child individually. The early ears are crucial for brain development, and for forming lifelong eating and sleeping habits etc. It's a lot harder to properly address those with multiple babies/toddlers at the same time. There is a lot of research done that the optimal age gap for IQ and health of the baby and mother is 3-5 years. Less than 2 years and the risk of autism goes way up. Your body gets tired and depleted from pregnancies in close succession. 

I deliberately spaced my kids 4 years apart. I didn't want to miss out on the important moments of their lives and the things that I love and to be overwhelmed by the kid stuff I hate: sleep deprivation, diaper changes, teen years and empty nest/college costs with multiple kids at the same time - no, thank you. 

Lastly, siblings tend to fight less when there is a bit of a spread. They are just not as competitive with each other. 

Enjoy your baby when she or he comes, OP.
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2022 23:43     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My brother is 7 years younger. Obviously we didn’t play together and I was often his authority figure/second mom but as adults we are extremely close.


+1. Same. Growing up we didn’t have much use for each other. Once my little sister started college we became true friends and I am so grateful to have a sibling. Our mother died after a long battle with Early Onset Alzheimer’s disease and I never could have made it through without my sister. We also live in the same town and our kids go to school together.


DP and wow it is so so nice to hear this
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2022 23:34     Subject: Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are 5.5 years apart by choice. They are now 24 and 19, and I can say that I would not have wanted it any different. It's been great. So fab to have a reasonable 7 year-old when your younger is in the terrible twos, so great to have a cuddly 10-year-old when your older kid is in the throes of adolescence. My older kid was pretty self- sufficient when DC2 was a baby, which was nice. Very little sibling rivalry, although they do bicker sometimes. Mostly they get along well and are good friends.


Forgot to add: I secretly think people who have kids closer than about 3.5-4 years are insane, so YMMV. Lol.


Ha! Same here. I don't understand what people mean by "having to do it all over again". Well, wouldn't it be worse with two kids closer together?


This! Exactly.
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2022 23:05     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
Mine are 5 years apart … they still manage to fight!
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2022 20:18     Subject: Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are 5.5 years apart by choice. They are now 24 and 19, and I can say that I would not have wanted it any different. It's been great. So fab to have a reasonable 7 year-old when your younger is in the terrible twos, so great to have a cuddly 10-year-old when your older kid is in the throes of adolescence. My older kid was pretty self- sufficient when DC2 was a baby, which was nice. Very little sibling rivalry, although they do bicker sometimes. Mostly they get along well and are good friends.


Forgot to add: I secretly think people who have kids closer than about 3.5-4 years are insane, so YMMV. Lol.


Ha! Same here. I don't understand what people mean by "having to do it all over again". Well, wouldn't it be worse with two kids closer together?
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2022 20:17     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
This is the right choice for you Op.
We felt ready once our kid turned 1-year-old so the fact that you said you finally feel good when your kid at 5 years old that means this is the right time for your family!

5-year apart is actually kind of nice because you can focus all your time and energy to each kid at the most critical age/stage.
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2022 20:07     Subject: Re:Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
Mine are five years apart. It's been great. They are now 9 and almost 4. They play together a lot. Big brother is very caring toward his little brother, especially when out in the world, like at summer camp. Fortunately, Big brother is a patient, sweet kid by nature.

The challenge is having a baby again after so long. That felt pretty wacky. Silver lining - not having two in diapers.
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2022 18:24     Subject: Longer than Desired Age Gap between Kids
Anonymous wrote:My kids are 5.5 years apart by choice. They are now 24 and 19, and I can say that I would not have wanted it any different. It's been great. So fab to have a reasonable 7 year-old when your younger is in the terrible twos, so great to have a cuddly 10-year-old when your older kid is in the throes of adolescence. My older kid was pretty self- sufficient when DC2 was a baby, which was nice. Very little sibling rivalry, although they do bicker sometimes. Mostly they get along well and are good friends.


Forgot to add: I secretly think people who have kids closer than about 3.5-4 years are insane, so YMMV. Lol.