Anonymous wrote:So your family has taken care of them for 17 years and you’re mad because they want a break?

OP did a lousy job in setting up the situation (if we are to take her at her word in her subsequent posts). From what I gather, the SiL did provide room/board and she also benefitted from having 24/7 sitters for her DCs. Those are not small benefits. Even a live-in or AP receives some compensation in exchange for their labor, especially if the ILs did this work for 17 years. Of course, I have to wonder why they made that exchange and at least one of them didn't seek some type of paid employment outside the home.

It would have behooved the SiL to have broached this conversation earlier, ideally a year earlier. Yes, for OP and family, but also for the ILs who seem more like pawns to the SiL than parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are only hearing one side of the story (OP’s). SIL provided 17 years of elder care. If OP and DH were so concerned for almost two decades about this they could have said something, done something. But they didn’t. And now OP is complaining about having to pitch in, after all this time. That’s what is gross.

I’d be fed up with OP if I were SIL.

Why should SIL be "fed up with" OP, and not the actual child of the elderly parents--OP's husband? Is it always the wife's responsibility to take on the elder care duties? How misogynistic!

Seems pretty misogynistic that it’s been solely the SIL’s problem for 17 years and not her brother’s, the OP’s husband. GMAB.

Sure, but why would that cause SIL to be "fed up with" OP, instead of her brother?

So your family has taken care of them for 17 years and you’re mad because they want a break?

Try the office on aging in Virginia. https://www.vda.virginia.gov/

Every state has them.

Do your in laws have physical or mental difficulties? Or is the problem income? What is their combined income?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are only hearing one side of the story (OP’s). SIL provided 17 years of elder care. If OP and DH were so concerned for almost two decades about this they could have said something, done something. But they didn’t. And now OP is complaining about having to pitch in, after all this time. That’s what is gross.

I’d be fed up with OP if I were SIL.

Why should SIL be "fed up with" OP, and not the actual child of the elderly parents--OP's husband? Is it always the wife's responsibility to take on the elder care duties? How misogynistic!

Seems pretty misogynistic that it’s been solely the SIL’s problem for 17 years and not her brother’s, the OP’s husband. GMAB.

Anonymous wrote:We are only hearing one side of the story (OP’s). SIL provided 17 years of elder care. If OP and DH were so concerned for almost two decades about this they could have said something, done something. But they didn’t. And now OP is complaining about having to pitch in, after all this time. That’s what is gross.

I’d be fed up with OP if I were SIL.

Why should SIL be "fed up with" OP, and not the actual child of the elderly parents--OP's husband? Is it always the wife's responsibility to take on the elder care duties? How misogynistic!

We are only hearing one side of the story (OP’s). SIL provided 17 years of elder care. If OP and DH were so concerned for almost two decades about this they could have said something, done something. But they didn’t. And now OP is complaining about having to pitch in, after all this time. That’s what is gross.

I’d be fed up with OP if I were SIL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.chesterbrookres.org/

Looks lovely but can't imagine that is in price range of OP and sibling.

It's a charity with a sliding scale

Anonymous wrote:https://www.chesterbrookres.org/

Looks lovely but can't imagine that is in price range of OP and sibling.

Fairfax County has income based apartments for seniors. There's a website for it. May be $700/month, cannot remember.

Anonymous wrote:Tell SIL that the DC area is too expensive but if they can find an apartment for the in-laws in NC near them, you’ll pay half the rent. SIL can only make this your problem if you let her. You’re not the ones kicking in-laws out of her house, she is.

This. It's going to be extremely expensive to find an apartment here versus NC. Work out something financially with SIL and then you all (or your spouse) go down the help them move and get them set up.