Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this situation is ridiculous. Honestly, if there is a family beach home and a second home is rented next door that is much larger, I can 100% see family assuming that the larger house is the “hang out” house and the smaller house is the “just go sleep there house.” In a family full of normal people, this could totally work fine.

But people thinking they can demand others cook for them, feed their kids, etc are crazy. If your husband thinks this is cool, I would put every demand back on him. “Your sister would like French toast with bacon and homeade apricot jam. I’m headed for a run, dear.” See if your husband will deal with this nonsense.

Yes, the host house thing makes sense, as they consider it an extension of the house they own. The demanding you cook part is weird, and you simply don't do it, or make your husband do it. THis is the one thing your husband asks for so you will have to figure out how to make this work.

I also get the impression that you think you are better than them because you get up early and exercise. There is an overtone of self-righteousness regarding this that oozes from your post. And it is odd that you specified what kind of sandwiches they poached. Like, we would be on your side because they where Hawaiian rolls and ham, but turkey on wheat would be ok for them to take? Have you been drinking?

Sounds like you are a lazy non exerciser who probably eats too much.

Don't give them the code. Don't cook them a thing.

Problem solved!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need a TL;DR please.

OP and her family rent a beach house. Her husband's sibs and parents treat it like it's their house - eating all the food, inviting their friends over, acting entitled. OP doesn't like it.

But her husband wants his sibs and parents there.

My take, OP, is to shrug it off. It makes your husband happy. You said in your OP that this is the only thing he asks for. I would make sure he has it even if it grated on me.

People are weird. Learn to smile at what you see as absurdities and move on.

You all need to have a master meal plan for this week. Ad hoc totally isn't cutting it. Been there. Drop off catering for dinner (same meal same place for everyone), defined responsibility day by day for lunch and breakfast strictly on your own with your nuclear family worked for us. As for the guests, they should get drinks only!

This is...a lot.

Sounds like you don't like big vacations with lots of other people, which is fine. I don't either. You're an adult and you need to decide how you vacation. So if you want to stay sane and not be pegged as a nit picky jerk (which you will) rent a small house for JUST your family, or a small condo for you and your kids if your DH insists on staying with his nuclear family, and be done with it. Also, you are an adult: you don't have to eat because someone says to.

But you're (your family is, too) kind of going off the deep end with things like not being able to functionally communicate about who is taking care of minor kids, who is cooking when, and whether or not to charge guests or college kids -- why would you do that??!!

Stop vacationing in a frat house, and you'll feel much better, and everyone else probably will too.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this situation is ridiculous. Honestly, if there is a family beach home and a second home is rented next door that is much larger, I can 100% see family assuming that the larger house is the “hang out” house and the smaller house is the “just go sleep there house.” In a family full of normal people, this could totally work fine.

But people thinking they can demand others cook for them, feed their kids, etc are crazy. If your husband thinks this is cool, I would put every demand back on him. “Your sister would like French toast with bacon and homeade apricot jam. I’m headed for a run, dear.” See if your husband will deal with this nonsense.

Yes, the host house thing makes sense, as they consider it an extension of the house they own. The demanding you cook part is weird, and you simply don't do it, or make your husband do it. THis is the one thing your husband asks for so you will have to figure out how to make this work.

I also get the impression that you think you are better than them because you get up early and exercise. There is an overtone of self-righteousness regarding this that oozes from your post. And it is odd that you specified what kind of sandwiches they poached. Like, we would be on your side because they where Hawaiian rolls and ham, but turkey on wheat would be ok for them to take? Have you been drinking?

Anonymous wrote:Sounds weird and rude. Are they working on the assumption that because you are paying for a cottage then you are the de facto hosts? Or they feel like they should have the same experience they had when they were younger and an older generation was taking care of everything?

I think they feel that because their brother/son has paid for the cottage, they are guests there. Which, maybe could be ok in some circumstances, but not what OP expected.

There must be some precedent for this behavior. No one just walks into your house and demands you cook elaborate meals for them unless they are mentally ill. Has your DH always been a doormat in his family? Something is going on that you are not telling us. Did your DH tell his family to please treat the house as theirs and bring guests over whenever they want?

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this situation is ridiculous. Honestly, if there is a family beach home and a second home is rented next door that is much larger, I can 100% see family assuming that the larger house is the “hang out” house and the smaller house is the “just go sleep there house.” In a family full of normal people, this could totally work fine. In a close family, I could even see friends being invited over that were local.

But people thinking they can demand others cook for them, feed their kids, etc are crazy. If your husband thinks this is cool, I would put every demand back on him. “Your sister would like French toast with bacon and homeade apricot jam. I’m headed for a run, dear.” See if your husband will deal with this nonsense.

Let me add. You really need to discuss this with your husband when you are far removed from the trip and decide together what works and doesn’t work. And then HE needs to run interference with his family. For example, I own a large beach house. If I invited my dad and his wife to stay a few days, and they said “hey our friends will be in town, can we invite them for dinner?” I would say “sure.” If they just showed up with their friends unexpectedly and demanded appetizers, I would think they were insane.

this is why I insisted we rent a beach house alone, we specifically and clearly invite my MIL and FIL to stay with us but on our terms (they offer to pay for part of the cost of the rental, but we make the plans, they understand it's our trip and they're along fro the ride). Otherwise everything is a constant negotiation and people take advantage. The BIL and SIL who are half functional single adults get invited to come out, separately, for an evening, so that the family dramatic bullsh*t does not invade the beach house. We have too much stress as it is, this is our single 10 day downtime, and I just won't have it anymore. Set firm boundaries, let them think you're an a$$hole, and enjoy your family trip. I promise it is better that way.

Anonymous wrote:Need a TL;DR please.

This. Completely this.

YOU GUYS GO FOR A WEEK WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE.

Everyone in this situation is ridiculous. Honestly, if there is a family beach home and a second home is rented next door that is much larger, I can 100% see family assuming that the larger house is the “hang out” house and the smaller house is the “just go sleep there house.” In a family full of normal people, this could totally work fine.

But people thinking they can demand others cook for them, feed their kids, etc are crazy. If your husband thinks this is cool, I would put every demand back on him. “Your sister would like French toast with bacon and homeade apricot jam. I’m headed for a run, dear.” See if your husband will deal with this nonsense.

Sounds weird and rude. Are they working on the assumption that because you are paying for a cottage then you are the de facto hosts? Or they feel like they should have the same experience they had when they were younger and an older generation was taking care of everything?

Yes this is all odd and entitled but also you sound exhausting