Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, could you see your father now, before he dies and then attend the funeral? And Zoom the celebration if that's available?

Yes, I saw my dad this past weekend and plan to see him again on Saturday.

I am planning the local funeral and writing his obituary as well. I am planning to say the eulogy.

Getting up there for a one hour service seems very daunting to me. The family members who are already up there do not plan to attend the funeral.

Are these family members the children of your father? It’s a 7-hour drive, right? What is daunting about this?

Take the baby with you for a real “celebration of life”. When my grandfather died I flew half way across the country with my two month old baby to be there so my grandmother would have something joyful at that moment. She was incredibly thankful.

I attended my mothers funeral via Zoom, while I was working from home. Eight months later we all got together for a service at the cemetery.

OMG, OP. This isn't a vacation, this is to support your mother and celebrate the life of your father. Leave the baby with DH and go. Are you pumping? Then take a pump with you and stop every 3 hours to pump. Put the milk in a cooler. You can do this trip in 3 days - 2 days of driving and 1 for the event. If baby starts daycare that week, then DH can do drop off and pickup just like parents all over the world do when they first start taking kids to daycare. If daycare isn't set up yet for that week, then this is the time to call in favors - got any friends with a nanny? Could the nanny possibly take your baby for the few days you will be gone? Are there other grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins who could step up for a few days?

Is all of this a pain? Most certainly. But I couldn't imagine not being there for my mom in this situation.

Anonymous wrote:OP, could you see your father now, before he dies and then attend the funeral? And Zoom the celebration if that's available?

Yes, I saw my dad this past weekend and plan to see him again on Saturday.

I am planning the local funeral and writing his obituary as well. I am planning to say the eulogy.

Getting up there for a one hour service seems very daunting to me. The family members who are already up there do not plan to attend the funeral.

OP, could you see your father now, before he dies and then attend the funeral? And Zoom the celebration if that's available?

Is the funeral first? I’d attend that and then make a decision. You may find it enough, or not.

You should figure out a way to attend both. There are no "do-overs" for this event, and you will regret not attending. Doesn't matter if it is the 3 of you, you and the infant or just you, but don't skip it

I would actually suggest you go alone and leave your baby home with your DH. You can probably do a 7 hour drive pretty easily without a baby. You want to be able to support your mom and celebrate your dad and that will be difficult if you also have a baby to take care of. Go ahead and be selfish right now and do what is best for you. You will have lots of time to have special moments with your baby. This is one of the last things you will do for/with your dad.

OP, you will regret not going.

Kids are small for a short period in your life.

It is a big ask, but you can do it. Your husband needs to handle the baby while you go. Or he needs to take off work. That is not your problem.

Agreed with others, this is never at a convenient time.

My very good friend that died tragically had a celebration of life when I was supposed to be graduating with my PhD. You know, 7 years of work. I didn't care one bit to be missing my graduation. I took my 4 year old son across the country to be there. I was one of the last people to see her alive and I had some things I thought other people who loved her needed to hear that were her last thoughts. Anyway my two cents.

You will never be able to take back missing the celebration of life for your father. Go. Your DH can step up and get the baby to daycare. 7 hr drive is nothing to be with family during this time.

Then your DH and baby can join you for the local funeral.

I think if you and the baby can make it, you will probably find it worth the effort and expense to be with family. But this depends on relationships and how overwhelming the trip is, so if you can't, try to be gentle and compassionate toward your mom (for planning it without you in mind) AND yourself (for zooming in).

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP.

I think you will regret missing the celebration of life, even if you will be at the funeral. You should go. Maybe leave baby with your DH...that will probably be easier anyway. From the car rental perspective, if it's just you you can Uber.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should go alone or with the infant.

I can’t imagine missing a parents funeral due to the cost of a car rental.

We are planning a local funeral. The celebration of life ceremony just happens to be held the week that a bunch of my family is there.

I think people are confused by your post OP. Are you just looking to vent? IME here it’s super common for posters to want to help and offer solutions. If this is just a vent, I think it would be helpful to be clear so everyone stands down on solutions.

I’m trying to decide if I should go as this celebration of life ceremony was just brought up to me the other day. I told my
mom this evening I planned to help with the local funeral.

You should plan to attend the celebration. If your spouse really can’t get time off work (which is pretty rough given this is your parent) then go by yourself.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are attending the funeral, right? If so, it’s OK to Zoom a celebration of life. I think the funeral is the important thing, right?

Yes, I plan to say the eulogy at the funeral. The celebration of life ceremony is not a replacement of the local funeral.