Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:42     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So a happy grandfather made impromptu plans with his grandchild for a really fun outing, but forgot to consider logistics? Tar and feather him!!

Lighten up, OP.

All I did was get an annoyed look on my face. He badgered me into saying that he should have spoken to me first.


NP. “All you did” was act like a sullen teen instead of a grown adult, communicating with looks instead of calm words. Own it.

Because he is incredibly hot tempered and the result was the same. I was trying keep him from getting mad at me because my son was so excited. I was trying to keep my mouth shut.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:40     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So a happy grandfather made impromptu plans with his grandchild for a really fun outing, but forgot to consider logistics? Tar and feather him!!

Lighten up, OP.

All I did was get an annoyed look on my face. He badgered me into saying that he should have spoken to me first.


NP. “All you did” was act like a sullen teen instead of a grown adult, communicating with looks instead of calm words. Own it.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:39     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Here’s where you went wrong: you got “an annoyed look on your face” instead of communicating directly: “Dad, you need to run plans by me first before mentioning them to Jamie.” And then you planned to continue inwardly being annoyed instead of saying something? Grow up.

He was wrong to bring up plans without checking with you first, and he was wrong to blow up and storm off.

BUT you were also wrong to communicate with an “annoyed look” instead of WORDS, and you were wrong to have resolved not to say anything, knowing full well this has happened in the past and will happen in the future unless you speak the frick up. You two are equally ridiculous, frankly.


100% this. There are no heroes here, and no victims.

If I spoke up immediately his reaction would have been exactly the same. Ask me how I know.


Oh well, then no more visits or plans until he agrees that he won’t do that again. The next time they invite you over, say, “Are we on the same page that Dad will not tell Larla we’re doing anything or going anywhere without checking with me first?” And if you get a non-answer or a bad response, say, “OK, let me know when we’re on the same page about this, and then we can plan a visit.” Done.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:38     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:So a happy grandfather made impromptu plans with his grandchild for a really fun outing, but forgot to consider logistics? Tar and feather him!!

Lighten up, OP.

All I did was get an annoyed look on my face. He badgered me into saying that he should have spoken to me first.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:38     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Send him a text:

“Dad, in the future, do not make plans or promises with Rachael without checking with me first. I wanted to communicate this to you so that you will feel comfortable with me in the future, knowing what my expectations are. I hope I can also feel comfortable knowing that you will respect my decision on this. Thank you.”


Send a text under the same roof? Wtf?


Haha our therapist encourages this so our preschooler doesn't have to deal with us fighting in front of him
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:37     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Send him a text:

“Dad, in the future, do not make plans or promises with Rachael without checking with me first. I wanted to communicate this to you so that you will feel comfortable with me in the future, knowing what my expectations are. I hope I can also feel comfortable knowing that you will respect my decision on this. Thank you.”


Send a text under the same roof? Wtf?


You really couldn’t get there that I meant after the visit was over? You really couldn’t piece that together?


DP. I got it, but I still think it's a stupid, non-real world suggestion.


Clearly Dad is worked up and defensive now, so this visit is shot. The best way to go forward is for OP to *communicate* *ahead of time* her expectations for the future. Sure, she can try calling, but Dad sounds like the hot-tempered type. What’s YOUR suggestion, hmm?
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:32     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:I'd be annoyed, too, OP. My MIL invited DD to stay with her for a week (they live in rural Tennessee), without asking us, and said they'd drive to Alabama to visit a friend of hers. Say what? Over my literal dead body, you will.

People who don't have dysfunctional parents don't get it. It's painful to set those boundaries when it means your kids have limited relationships with their grandparents, but it's worth considering how much of a relationship they'll actually have. It's more important that their parents aren't stressed all the time.


Wow, we made it all the way to Page 2 before some DCUM mom seized the opportunity to turn it all around and start bashing her MIL! That must be a record!
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:30     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
So a happy grandfather made impromptu plans with his grandchild for a really fun outing, but forgot to consider logistics? Tar and feather him!!

Lighten up, OP.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:30     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
I'd be annoyed, too, OP. My MIL invited DD to stay with her for a week (they live in rural Tennessee), without asking us, and said they'd drive to Alabama to visit a friend of hers. Say what? Over my literal dead body, you will.

People who don't have dysfunctional parents don't get it. It's painful to set those boundaries when it means your kids have limited relationships with their grandparents, but it's worth considering how much of a relationship they'll actually have. It's more important that their parents aren't stressed all the time.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:26     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Here’s where you went wrong: you got “an annoyed look on your face” instead of communicating directly: “Dad, you need to run plans by me first before mentioning them to Jamie.” And then you planned to continue inwardly being annoyed instead of saying something? Grow up.

He was wrong to bring up plans without checking with you first, and he was wrong to blow up and storm off.

BUT you were also wrong to communicate with an “annoyed look” instead of WORDS, and you were wrong to have resolved not to say anything, knowing full well this has happened in the past and will happen in the future unless you speak the frick up. You two are equally ridiculous, frankly.


100% this. There are no heroes here, and no victims.

If I spoke up immediately his reaction would have been exactly the same. Ask me how I know.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:25     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Send him a text:

“Dad, in the future, do not make plans or promises with Rachael without checking with me first. I wanted to communicate this to you so that you will feel comfortable with me in the future, knowing what my expectations are. I hope I can also feel comfortable knowing that you will respect my decision on this. Thank you.”


Send a text under the same roof? Wtf?


You really couldn’t get there that I meant after the visit was over? You really couldn’t piece that together?


DP. I got it, but I still think it's a stupid, non-real world suggestion.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:24     Subject: Re:Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.


Yea, I agree. If the only issue was a transportation one, and your pre-schooler was all excited, why not just say "ok, great, thank you dad, now let's figure out how to get you there."
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:22     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:Here’s where you went wrong: you got “an annoyed look on your face” instead of communicating directly: “Dad, you need to run plans by me first before mentioning them to Jamie.” And then you planned to continue inwardly being annoyed instead of saying something? Grow up.

He was wrong to bring up plans without checking with you first, and he was wrong to blow up and storm off.

BUT you were also wrong to communicate with an “annoyed look” instead of WORDS, and you were wrong to have resolved not to say anything, knowing full well this has happened in the past and will happen in the future unless you speak the frick up. You two are equally ridiculous, frankly.


100% this. There are no heroes here, and no victims.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:20     Subject: Re:Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2022 16:20     Subject: Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Send him a text:

“Dad, in the future, do not make plans or promises with Rachael without checking with me first. I wanted to communicate this to you so that you will feel comfortable with me in the future, knowing what my expectations are. I hope I can also feel comfortable knowing that you will respect my decision on this. Thank you.”


Send a text under the same roof? Wtf?


You really couldn’t get there that I meant after the visit was over? You really couldn’t piece that together?