Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:51
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:
DCUM has a very unhealthy taboo over never engaging with people who are overweight. There was a thread recently about an 18 year old who confided in her mother than her doctor had told her she was overweight, and the response was for the mother to not say a word to help her child. Pretty unfathomable to me. Here it's the same thing. You have an in-law who is literally killing herself slowly, and her husband has asked for your help, but DCUM says no, just watch them slowly die.
None of my friends or family or in-law would ever just stand by and do nothing in such circumstances.
I've been reading DCUM for 10 years, and in my mind, this is one of its most toxic aspects. Please note that DCUM always urges interventions when people are underweight, because they're deathly afraid they might have anorexia! Yet obesity kills way more people...
You have to wonder how shriveled up on the inside some people are, who can advise sitting back and doing nothing because caring about someone else is, even someone in their own family, is "not their job."
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:49
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
DCUM has a very unhealthy taboo over never engaging with people who are overweight. There was a thread recently about an 18 year old who confided in her mother than her doctor had told her she was overweight, and the response was for the mother to not say a word to help her child. Pretty unfathomable to me. Here it's the same thing. You have an in-law who is literally killing herself slowly, and her husband has asked for your help, but DCUM says no, just watch them slowly die.
None of my friends or family or in-law would ever just stand by and do nothing in such circumstances.
I've been reading DCUM for 10 years, and in my mind, this is one of its most toxic aspects. Please note that DCUM always urges interventions when people are underweight, because they're deathly afraid they might have anorexia! Yet obesity kills way more people...
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:48
Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:op-if they have “plenty of money for good healthy food” tell your brother to order some healthy take out salads and meal kits. He wants his wife to be able to do this for him, but she either can’t or won’t and in the meantime he can change the dynamic with his own actions and perhaps create a demonstration effect for his wife (the number one predictive factor in how obese a person is, is the weight of the people closest to them.)
+1 Eating junk food is addictive. It's hard to switch to healthy foods. If your BIL starts filling the kitchen with it and eating it -- and hopefully getting enough for her, too -- then she may slowly switch to healthier food.
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:48
Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.
That’s his job not yours.
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:46
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Tell the brother in law to buy salads for himself when he stops to get her fast food on the way home. You can’t change her
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:46
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:Oh, your poor BIL having his opposable thumbs removed at such a young age. How awful for him, being unable to cook for himself or meal prep or anything!
He could easily meal prep precooked pasta and a salad on his time off, and then warm up the pasta and dress the salad at mealtimes, even adding in some of those already chicken tenders for protein. Salad comes in pretty handy bags, and he could easily put that as a side to a reasonable amount of pizza. You have to pretty much avoid the internet and society completely to miss meal planning tips and meal kit subscription deals.
Her being home is their arrangement, and does not make her an indentured servant. Perhaps she runs the rest of the household.
FWIW, your post reads like a cliché, but all it tells me is that you’re spiteful because your fat, “lazy” SIL gets to stay home, and because you’re skinny But still have to work, you’re all green with envy.
PP don't forget you're showing the world what you are thinking and feeling on the inside every time you post things like this. What a leap.
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:44
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
No way should OP engage. This is their marriage and how they’ve structured it. He need to either cook for himself or involve a nutritionist, doctor and/or therapist to help him deal with this situation. Kind of sounds like he doesn’t really care about her health and is now just waking up because it’s finally affecting his. His health is his responsibility. In most healthy marriages a spouse would be willing to help the other with health goals, but the situation with your SIL is far beyond “healthy goals” or a family intervention.
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:44
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
People in a family shouldn't "MYOB". It is not judgemental to care about someone clearly ruining their health and their future. There has to be a way to help obese SIL without it being "meddling." This is family. SIL is using food the way some people use drugs or alcohol. She needs help.
I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.
Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.
I don't know what to tell you, OP. There are a lot of weird psychological issues that go into being obese. Ask a counselor for help.
Good for your for caring about your SIL. Too many emotionally sterile people on this board who do not overlap with anyone, not even their own family members. Really weird.
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:42
Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
op-if they have “plenty of money for good healthy food” tell your brother to order some healthy take out salads and meal kits. He wants his wife to be able to do this for him, but she either can’t or won’t and in the meantime he can change the dynamic with his own actions and perhaps create a demonstration effect for his wife (the number one predictive factor in how obese a person is, is the weight of the people closest to them.)
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:42
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Or are you only allowed to have an intervention if someone is fat?
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:41
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
My SIL watches too much reality TV and doesn’t really do anything except work out. She hasn’t read a book in years and doesn’t have any intellectual interests. She is letting her mind go. Can I have an intervention with her where I tell her I am worried since people who don’t learn new things are more likely to get Alzheimer’s?
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:32
Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.
Why does he feel like you would be the best person to talk to her about this? If he has directly communicated his concerns to her what makes him feel like extended family members were the better be able to support her? I would think it would be humiliating to have extended family members confront me about my weight. She is aware that she is obese and there are steps she can take but I can’t see you sitting down and talking to her about it being a good option unless you have personally struggled with obesity and can relate to her.
OP is backtracking and is now caught in a total lie. Don’t engage.
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:31
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Oh, your poor BIL having his opposable thumbs removed at such a young age. How awful for him, being unable to cook for himself or meal prep or anything!
He could easily meal prep precooked pasta and a salad on his time off, and then warm up the pasta and dress the salad at mealtimes, even adding in some of those already chicken tenders for protein. Salad comes in pretty handy bags, and he could easily put that as a side to a reasonable amount of pizza. You have to pretty much avoid the internet and society completely to miss meal planning tips and meal kit subscription deals.
Her being home is their arrangement, and does not make her an indentured servant. Perhaps she runs the rest of the household.
FWIW, your post reads like a cliché, but all it tells me is that you’re spiteful because your fat, “lazy” SIL gets to stay home, and because you’re skinny But still have to work, you’re all green with envy.
He could easily meal prep precooked pasta and a salad on his time off, and then warm up the pasta and dress the salad at mealtimes, even adding in some of those already chicken tenders for protein. Salad comes in pretty handy bags, and he could easily put that as a side to a reasonable amount of pizza. You have to pretty much avoid the internet and society completely to miss meal planning tips and meal kit subscription deals.
Her being home is their arrangement, and does not make her an indentured servant. Perhaps she runs the rest of the household.
FWIW, your post reads like a cliché, but all it tells me is that you’re spiteful because your fat, “lazy” SIL gets to stay home, and because you’re skinny But still have to work, you’re all green with envy.
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:30
Subject: Re:Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her DH asked us to sit down with her. But we are reluctant to. Don't know why I'm getting all this hate here. It is very sad to see her dealing with diabetes hypertension etc now.
Why does he feel like you would be the best person to talk to her about this? If he has directly communicated his concerns to her what makes him feel like extended family members were the better be able to support her? I would think it would be humiliating to have extended family members confront me about my weight. She is aware that she is obese and there are steps she can take but I can’t see you sitting down and talking to her about it being a good option unless you have personally struggled with obesity and can relate to her.
Anonymous
07/02/2022 11:28
Subject: Morbidly obese SIL
Anonymous wrote:
OP, you can use the report button to ask Jeff to delete certain posts.
I've been on DCUM on and off all morning, and there is a troll who is being particularly nasty today. They already spewed their venom all over a few other threads.
A troll is actually someone who judges and mocks people for their weight and lifestyle on the Internet because they don’t have the stones to say it to the person to their face (because they know it is objectively wrong to do so).