And one more thing, OP. The obsession with Top 20 schools is much more pervasive in your “Big 3” world than our DMV public school world. Interesting, too, that you had to point out that they go to the Big 3 . . .

Many the real problem is that your personal bubble is just so tight that you can’t see beyond it al all?

You don't need to leave the DMV to find us.

OP - I am not Catholic but went to a different Catholic school than the ones you listed. The network was amazing, the community was amazing. I am successful and not because I came from parents who were doctors. I received a great education and was able to choose my path forward.

Plus I’m laughing at OP’s description of her husband’s friends with their beach houses being from the “regular world.” OP, you are wrong and you are late to the game when it comes to that world. It isn’t “regular” - it’s white, privileged and wealthy. Respectfully, you’re off base here.

I agree. I grew up in and lived much of my adult life in Chicago. We used to live in a REALLY nice suburb, one of the wealthiest towns in the area and probably even the US- Hinsdale. Honestly, I wouldn't really even call this place "regular" or all that "real world". It's very affluent. My neighbors were all successful professionals- doctors, lawyers, investment bankers, etc. living in beautiful (expensive!) homes, nice families, fun vacations, etc. Northwestern and UChicago fairly common for grad schools (not really undergrad tho), and Notre Dame was popular (pretty Irish Catholic area) but otherwise? State schools reigned supreme. Or mid-range privates like Loyola, Marquette, Butler, etc. Ivy Leagues or places like Tufts? Not really on the radar for the vast, vast majority of folks. Most kids went to Indiana, UIUC, Miami of OH, Wisconsin, Iowa, etc. like their parents. And guess what? They do well, just like their parents. I think because the parents have done so well with their UIUC, Indiana, etc. degrees they realize the top 20-or-bust mindset is unnecessary.

OP, I grew up on one of the nicest South Jersey shore towns, probably very close to where you are spending the summer, and I still have family there. I know exactly the kind of people you see around you, and here’s the thing: your sample is skewed. There are rich people everywhere and who send their kids to every school, and what you’re seeing are the rich people from Philly who went to and are sending their kids to Big Five schools. Not everyone who goes to those schools ends up as rich as the ones you are seeing. Not everyone from Philly has a house at the shore either.

There are plenty of rich people in the DC area who didn’t go to top 20 colleges either.

I'll give you another story.

I grew up solidly middle class. My parents were lower-middle class. When my sibling and I graduated from T10 universities, the entire trajectory of our family changed for the better. We are now solidly upper/upper-middle class, in extremely well-paying, "prestigious", creative white collar jobs, and I'm 100% positive that my sibling and I were only able to achieve our present stature because of where we went to school.

Some of us don't have the privilege of going to a no-name school and coasting off of our parents' connections and networks (or institutional knowledge).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are plenty of us in the DC area who already know this and haven’t bought into the “Big 3” or top 20 or bust mentality. Life is (hopefully) long and I hope my kids continue to learn, have fun and be happy.

[also I am pretty sure I would never be accepted in the group you described — it sounds pretty insular].

OP here. No, it's really not. These are just friends from different universities. My husband went to one of them (none-Catholic) and he has this group.
I think perhaps I'm describing several things at once: the Catholic Philly world and then just groups of university friends from good but not top100 schools. Some are probably more welcoming than others.
I guess my general theme is: I am seeing successful, happy, fulfilled people and they are not top20 or top50 school grads or driven to want the same or their kids.
This shouldn't be a mind-blowing revelation (and I knew it existed as my own husband is part of such a friend group and I have many ties to it myself) but this summer I'm living in it.
Anyway, it's interesting. I feel like a bit of fish-out-of-water in both worlds. The DMV one and the "regular world" too.

Why is the regular world in quotes? There are plenty of people that live in the DMV that are part of the "regular world"...you are starting to sound like a disgruntled teenager. This is not normal discourse that a mature adult would engage in unless they were completely disconnected with life. Maybe you are one of the kids in the Big 3 seeing that the path your parents are putting you on is not what you want? Anyway it's strange.

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are plenty of us in the DC area who already know this and haven’t bought into the “Big 3” or top 20 or bust mentality. Life is (hopefully) long and I hope my kids continue to learn, have fun and be happy.

[also I am pretty sure I would never be accepted in the group you described — it sounds pretty insular].

+1
Plenty of people I know in DC who are happy for their kids who got into good state schools or SLACs and don't buy into the pressure-cooker.

It's family money that makes it all happen, OP. If you don't have any, it doesn't help have a comfortable life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up near Villanova and had an idyllic childhood without the obsession of DC, so know exactly what you're talking about. My husband grew up here, went to Big 3 and an Ivy League school. I begged for years to move to PA where we could live normally, but he would not consider it. For him, it's top 20 for our kids or they have failed. He actually said once, something along the lines of: "that way they never have to be embarrassed about telling anybody where they went to college. They can always hold their head high." I let him know that I have never once felt embarrassed about where I went and did he not realize that I am not remotely impressed by where he went either (I'm actually the main bread winner). It's insane. I hear you.

Sounds like your hubs needs a serious wake up call.

No $hit, guy sounds extremely arrogant and difficult to live with.

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are plenty of us in the DC area who already know this and haven’t bought into the “Big 3” or top 20 or bust mentality. Life is (hopefully) long and I hope my kids continue to learn, have fun and be happy.

[also I am pretty sure I would never be accepted in the group you described — it sounds pretty insular].

OP here. No, it's really not. These are just friends from different universities. My husband went to one of them (none-Catholic) and he has this group.
I think perhaps I'm describing several things at once: the Catholic Philly world and then just groups of university friends from good but not top100 schools. Some are probably more welcoming than others.
I guess my general theme is: I am seeing successful, happy, fulfilled people and they are not top20 or top50 school grads or driven to want the same or their kids.
This shouldn't be a mind-blowing revelation (and I knew it existed as my own husband is part of such a friend group and I have many ties to it myself) but this summer I'm living in it.
Anyway, it's interesting. I feel like a bit of fish-out-of-water in both worlds. The DMV one and the "regular world" too.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up near Villanova and had an idyllic childhood without the obsession of DC, so know exactly what you're talking about. My husband grew up here, went to Big 3 and an Ivy League school. I begged for years to move to PA where we could live normally, but he would not consider it. For him, it's top 20 for our kids or they have failed. He actually said once, something along the lines of: "that way they never have to be embarrassed about telling anybody where they went to college. They can always hold their head high." I let him know that I have never once felt embarrassed about where I went and did he not realize that I am not remotely impressed by where he went either (I'm actually the main bread winner). It's insane. I hear you.

Sounds like your hubs needs a serious wake up call.

I would love to be more relaxed, but we need financial aid as dd does nit like in state options. That means getting into a top school that uses css for financial aid or getting significant merit from a mid tier school. Those parameters means she needs to keep up at least some of tge grind.

Anonymous wrote:My kid got into a T30 school, but chose #49 school.

We are along the same lines as you. they decided they wanted better weather, to be around nice people and be happy. The rest will fall into place.