I don't know. I think a lot depends on the kid. Ours started in public, then went private in 4th (at a "Big 3," if it matters). In US now.

I agree with the comments people have made about the different sorts of parents we've encountered, and the privileged experiences private kids, on the whole, are likelier to experience. But our family is middle class, though we budget for as many of the privileged experiences as we can, and I think our kid has a much more "enriched" life that I'd ever have imagined for myself growing up. For all of that, though, I don't think DC is any different now, for having been exposed to a different set of kids, than before.

If anything, DC is just a lot more aware of privilege and what s/he does & doesn't have, both in terms of material things and in terms of social graces. But it hasn't "rubbed off" in any way. S/he is still as awkward and socially introverted as ever. S/he's had much practice, both in public and private school, with public speaking, but really doesn't manage casual conversation well. (We're a family of introverts...it's just difficult. I don't fault the schools.)

Still, s/he's always been a "good" kid, and that hasn't changed in either direction for having moved from public to private.

What I notice is that in general, kids from private schools are more comfortable talking to adults they don't know. I see this in my daughter and her friends.

I attended a party recently that had a mixture of families and included MS and HS aged kids from both public and private (Catholic) schools. I found the kids from public school to be acting entitled and not interested in engaging in any conversation with adults. The private school kids were much more polite and were able to converse in a mature fashion.

I think that they are taught my to feel very comfortable approaching teachers and self advocating with adults and it’s hard to fall between the cracks in a small classroom, so maybe there are some advantages on preparing for being on your own and lost in a big college campus, but i would not use the word “refined”.

Anonymous wrote:Curious if private school kids tend to be more polished and hold a certain decorum. Another thread on this site indicated that private school kids are better behaved.

One of our kids schools has manners, the other kids big 5 school is messy Free for all. Would say the word refined whatsoever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve taught in both settings. The difference is that there aren’t the widely troubled outliers in a private, because private schools can always say no. Public schools have to take that kid who will sop up 50% of the teacher’s time. The median kid in each setting is similar.

x100000

BINGO.

Wish this was spelled out to us beforehand, that would have been nice!

You wanted someone to spell out to you in advance that public schools are...public?

Anonymous wrote:I’ve taught in both settings. The difference is that there aren’t the widely troubled outliers in a private, because private schools can always say no. Public schools have to take that kid who will sop up 50% of the teacher’s time. The median kid in each setting is similar.

x100000

BINGO.

Wish this was spelled out to us beforehand, that would have been nice!

Entitled, maybe. Refined? No.

I’ve had kids in both and noticed a significant difference. Private school parents were VERY invested in seeing their kids advance in social mobility. They talked openly about Ivy League schools when they only had elementary students. They name dropped. Boasted about various vacation plans, cotillion, Europe, college admissions and so forth. They put concerted effort into making sure their kids were around like-minded people.

I have found public schools parents to be more varied…some salt of earth, some athletic and cliquey, some nerdy scientists, some absentee parents and either ignorant or disinterested in above topics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have both public and private school kids and I think private can polish a rough-around-the-edges kid.
I have one of these who isn't by nature an outgoing smooth talker, etc. Frankly, his baseline is to be kind of awkward.
He goes to STA for upper school and since he started I have seen him grow in leaps and bounds in his ability to talk to adults, to older kids, as a public speaker, etc.
I know plenty of public school kids who have these abilities at baseline. But kids who do not may benefit from a smaller private school setting,
especially one that really forces kids to come out of themselves and learn public speaking, etc (which is pretty much all of them).

If only your writing were more refined.

Why are you so rude?

more refined than who?

Are my private school kids, especially my middle schooler, more articulate and comfortable with speaking in public, to adults, etc, Yes.
Do they still really love fart jokes and chew with their mouth open if we don’t remind them? Also, yes.

I grew up in a working class family but went a posh private school on scholarship. There are class mannerisms that one picks up at a wealthy private school. Not sure what you mean by "refined" exactly, but if you mean the mannerisms, gestures, vocabulary, and demeanor of the highly educated, urban, upper-middle class, then yes, you'll find it at private schools.

Anonymous wrote:I have both public and private school kids and I think private can polish a rough-around-the-edges kid.
I have one of these who isn't by nature an outgoing smooth talker, etc. Frankly, his baseline is to be kind of awkward.
He goes to STA for upper school and since he started I have seen him grow in leaps and bounds in his ability to talk to adults, to older kids, as a public speaker, etc.
I know plenty of public school kids who have these abilities at baseline. But kids who do not may benefit from a smaller private school setting,
especially one that really forces kids to come out of themselves and learn public speaking, etc (which is pretty much all of them).

If only your writing were more refined.

I have both public and private school kids and I think private can polish a rough-around-the-edges kid.
I have one of these who isn't by nature an outgoing smooth talker, etc. Frankly, his baseline is to be kind of awkward.
He goes to STA for upper school and since he started I have seen him grow in leaps and bounds in his ability to talk to adults, to older kids, as a public speaker, etc.
I know plenty of public school kids who have these abilities at baseline. But kids who do not may benefit from a smaller private school setting,
especially one that really forces kids to come out of themselves and learn public speaking, etc (which is pretty much all of them).

If private school kids are more "refined," then that's a good reason not to send your kid to one. Refined kids are creepy AF.