Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The talk has always been that they'll go to college. Now if that happened to be a local college within commuting distance then sure, they could of course continue living here. But I've raised and disciplined my kids to be kind and courteous people who are pleasant to be around.

The subtext of this response is simply "I am a successful parent and you are a failure"

what a total ass

+1 Just wait.

a true successful parent would not have this issue.

You obviously don’t have a child with mental health struggles.

I have two post HS kids who both currently live with me. I intend to retire and move in 3-& years so there is a hard deadline to get out. But I actually don’t care if the come with us it’s just that they have lives here and we don’t intend to stay in the area.

The younger of the two is very difficult. Probably stems from mental health issues that are treated but not as successfully as I would like. Anyway, we’ve worked hard to make a bad situation livable. Part is not expecting him to contribute to the household. If you have no expectations, there is no disappointment. But we did set some non negotiable house rules and helped him problem solve how he can successfully live within these rules. And the remaining four of us have kind of built a life that doesn’t really include him. He’s welcome to join us but no one, him included, works to make that happen very often. It has gotten better with age and i am not ready to give up. But I’m not all that hopeful anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The talk has always been that they'll go to college. Now if that happened to be a local college within commuting distance then sure, they could of course continue living here. But I've raised and disciplined my kids to be kind and courteous people who are pleasant to be around.

The subtext of this response is simply "I am a successful parent and you are a failure" what a total ass

No, the subtext of my post was "I am raising kids I like enough to want to be around." We talk a lot about helping family, about being a team, etc., because that was important to me.

NP. You are a ridiculously obnoxious braggart, though, which means you likely have significant parenting blind spots. So we really can’t trust your self-narrative here.

You should think about why this poster is making you so angry. It isn't her; it is you.

Are you in therapy? It seems like you have a lot of anger about parents who are doing a good job. Maybe you need to talk to someone about it.

DP

We know you’re the same person, no need to sock puppet. You should think about why you felt the need to pretend to be someone else.

They are welcome to stay as long as they like, as long as they are either in school or have a job. If they have a job, they are expected to pay something towards the household expenses. These are not absolutes, however. I don't expect them to find a job immediately, so there is some leeway there. The amount they would pay towards the household is negotiable, too. I want them to be able to save up to put a down payment on a house or have seed money for a business. I have one child who just finished college and has a job in another city, and another who is in college, in case you are wondering.

Is your child not going to college OP? If they are, where do you expect them to go on school breaks?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The talk has always been that they'll go to college. Now if that happened to be a local college within commuting distance then sure, they could of course continue living here. But I've raised and disciplined my kids to be kind and courteous people who are pleasant to be around.

The subtext of this response is simply "I am a successful parent and you are a failure" what a total ass

No, the subtext of my post was "I am raising kids I like enough to want to be around." We talk a lot about helping family, about being a team, etc., because that was important to me.

NP. You are a ridiculously obnoxious braggart, though, which means you likely have significant parenting blind spots. So we really can’t trust your self-narrative here.

You should think about why this poster is making you so angry. It isn't her; it is you.

Are you in therapy? It seems like you have a lot of anger about parents who are doing a good job. Maybe you need to talk to someone about it.

DP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The talk has always been that they'll go to college. Now if that happened to be a local college within commuting distance then sure, they could of course continue living here. But I've raised and disciplined my kids to be kind and courteous people who are pleasant to be around.

OP asked for help, not a report of your perfect parenting and children.

The PP rubbed you the wrong way but she isn't wrong. It doesn't sound like OP is doing a great job at parenting. Hearing from someone who is doing a better job at it can be helpful. It is sad that the OP is basically kicking her kid out of the house, especially when it sounds like he is unprepared to fend for himself. That's on OP because it is a parent's job to get a child ready to leave the nest.

I have 3 daughters age 27, 25 and 15 and we never had a discussion about a timeline for them to move out. My now 27 year old moved out at 24 when she had her 2nd baby.

My daughter's know they can stay as long as they want to as long as they pay for there own car, cellphone, cc's and insurances. We also ask that they save money for once they are ready to leave they have enough to live on for 6-12 months if something happened like a job loss.

Is your 18 year old headed to college in Sept? Will he be living in the dorm? My 2 sons came home for most breaks and summer vacations. They had to work during summer vacation. If one job didn’t give enough hours, they needed a 2nd job. When they are working 40 hours, they are not home that much. I would have a hard time telling 1 kid to be on his own at 22, but not have the same expectation for the other kids when they reach that age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The talk has always been that they'll go to college. Now if that happened to be a local college within commuting distance then sure, they could of course continue living here. But I've raised and disciplined my kids to be kind and courteous people who are pleasant to be around.

The subtext of this response is simply "I am a successful parent and you are a failure" what a total ass

No, the subtext of my post was "I am raising kids I like enough to want to be around." We talk a lot about helping family, about being a team, etc., because that was important to me.

NP. You are a ridiculously obnoxious braggart, though, which means you likely have significant parenting blind spots. So we really can’t trust your self-narrative here.

Op, I think in the summers during college, you have to. Should. But in your case, you should use your oldest to establish the pattern of not returning to live after college graduation. Your younger one, even if there happens to be later, slight advantages return -- they will not to adversely affected by "support yourself" and live on your own after college. Focus on the difficult one and what makes family life better for all, and don't worry that the same rule will, much, negatively impact the other.

Mine are both college bound but are welcome to live here as long as they like provided they are pleasant, help around the house, and respect the other occupants of the home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The talk has always been that they'll go to college. Now if that happened to be a local college within commuting distance then sure, they could of course continue living here. But I've raised and disciplined my kids to be kind and courteous people who are pleasant to be around.

The subtext of this response is simply "I am a successful parent and you are a failure" what a total ass

No, the subtext of my post was "I am raising kids I like enough to want to be around." We talk a lot about helping family, about being a team, etc., because that was important to me.

Yeah, and the subtext of THAT is that you've done a good job parenting and bred nice kids and that the OP has done neither. Ass.

My parents were very clear that we would not I’ve at home past high school. They told us this our whole
Lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The talk has always been that they'll go to college. Now if that happened to be a local college within commuting distance then sure, they could of course continue living here. But I've raised and disciplined my kids to be kind and courteous people who are pleasant to be around.

The subtext of this response is simply "I am a successful parent and you are a failure" what a total ass

No, the subtext of my post was "I am raising kids I like enough to want to be around." We talk a lot about helping family, about being a team, etc., because that was important to me.