Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Told DS that any school that's not HYPSM is going to have to come up with aid to get us "near" the cost of W&M full pay in-state. That's it.

That’s the absolute worst.
You’re telling your kid that it’s Ivy or In state only, which means that you are telling them that you have the money, but if they’re not at the tippy top and have their name chosen out of the magical hat, you don’t find them worthy of the money you would otherwise spend on their education.

Also, can PP’s kid even get into W&M? It’s become very difficult to get into

PP. We picked W&M for the dollar amount because it's the most expensive in state public school option. Not that he will necessary apply or be accepted. It's our starting point (40,000/yr) for what's "economical".

I'm an oldest child. My parents warned me in the abstract early on and told me outright at the very beginning of the college application phase that I was free to try for and to go wherever I could win a scholarship (and a big one, not a small one), and that they would collaborate with me on the rest of my application list to make sure that I chose schools they could afford. They said to me - quite justifiably - that it would not be fair for my education to compromise the educations of my siblings. They had managed our family finances expertly, but were not in a position to out-of-pocket a private institution without significant merit aid, and this was in the days before any schools had "meet-all-need-without-loans" policies.

Outcome: I did indeed win a scholarship, but not to the kind of school where I had originally imagined myself. I had a spectacular experience there, was launched into the best possible grad-school situation, and now have exactly the career I had wanted all those years ago. I have no regrets and am very grateful to my parents for everything they did, and for their honesty, as hard as it felt at the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Told DS that any school that's not HYPSM is going to have to come up with aid to get us "near" the cost of W&M full pay in-state. That's it.

That’s the absolute worst.
You’re telling your kid that it’s Ivy or In state only, which means that you are telling them that you have the money, but if they’re not at the tippy top and have their name chosen out of the magical hat, you don’t find them worthy of the money you would otherwise spend on their education.

Also, can PP’s kid even get into W&M? It’s become very difficult to get into

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.

Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.

Yeah, I think they just wanted to brag about the scholarship.

+1. Note also they didn’t provide the name. That’s because it’s not an elite school. Elite schools don’t have to give large merit awards in order to compose the class they want

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. HHI of 300k in the early 2000s and didn’t save a penny. And wouldn’t co-sign for private loans. Found out when I’d already gotten in to my dream school.

Where did you end up? I’m sorry, similar story here. Can’t shake the resentment, years later.

NP here, but this is similar to my story. I was accepted to Brown, ended up going to to UMD, which had awarded me a full scholarship. I have a normal MC life now, so it’s not like UMD plunged me into a life of poverty, but I’m bitter that my parents were so irresponsible and didn’t prioritize my education over designer clothing, vacations, and tithing to our church.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Told DS that any school that's not HYPSM is going to have to come up with aid to get us "near" the cost of W&M full pay in-state. That's it.

That’s the absolute worst.
You’re telling your kid that it’s Ivy or In state only, which means that you are telling them that you have the money, but if they’re not at the tippy top and have their name chosen out of the magical hat, you don’t find them worthy of the money you would otherwise spend on their education.

This is totally bonkers. I can afford a fancy car for the family but choose to buy a safe, functional car instead. Even if my kids would prefer the nicer car. I can say that I am willing to stretch for schools that may give my daughter a big boost but otherwise, I will pay for good quality in state options. It’s not a question of whether she is “worthy”. She and her brother get all my money at some point anyway. But I will make her think about the value of her choices. Even if she ends up having a ton of money in the future, I want to guide her toward making good financial decisions and college selection is a great place to have that conversation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Told DS that any school that's not HYPSM is going to have to come up with aid to get us "near" the cost of W&M full pay in-state. That's it.

That’s the absolute worst.
You’re telling your kid that it’s Ivy or In state only, which means that you are telling them that you have the money, but if they’re not at the tippy top and have their name chosen out of the magical hat, you don’t find them worthy of the money you would otherwise spend on their education.

No, i don't have the money. I'm not begging, borrowing or stealing $300,000 to send my child to the likes of NYU, Skidmore or Northeastern.

Agree, it isn’t the worst and makes a lot of sense to me. It is not a fair comment. I have the money saved for expensive private colleges but am telling my DD that if she can get into W&M, which is strong in her major and which she really likes, a lot of these other schools don’t make sense at all. I will hold the money for her for something else when she needs it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend is like this with his daughters who are in high school! He’s only saved fifty thousand per kid, makes 140k (so can’t pay as you go but also won’t get that much aid except at super wealthy top schools like Harvard) and is encouraging them to apply to privates that arent even all that great and don’t have tons of money for scholarships. I don’t get it. I can’t figure out if he is delusional or what.

I get applying to Harvard etc because they give grants to people at that level. But I don’t get why he’s encouraging them to apply to mediocre privates rather than encouraging state schools where they’d be able to graduate debt free or with maybe 20k in loans total.

I feel like he needs to tell them, “look, we can make state school happen financially, so apply to those, then apply to some privates if you want, but just be aware that you’ll have to get aid for those and you may or may not get enough aid.”

Just warn them rather than leaving them in the dark! I think he thinks scholarships are going to fall out of the sky.

Is your boyfriend like this about everything? You know - does he stick his head in the sand to avoid difficult conversations or disappointing people and does he always engage in magical thinking? You don’t have to answer me…

Hmm. Maybe….

How do you know what they did or did not tell their kids? Have you installed recording devices in their homes?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Told DS that any school that's not HYPSM is going to have to come up with aid to get us "near" the cost of W&M full pay in-state. That's it.

That’s the absolute worst.
You’re telling your kid that it’s Ivy or In state only, which means that you are telling them that you have the money, but if they’re not at the tippy top and have their name chosen out of the magical hat, you don’t find them worthy of the money you would otherwise spend on their education.

No, i don't have the money. I'm not begging, borrowing or stealing $300,000 to send my child to the likes of NYU, Skidmore or Northeastern.

Maybe it’s because I have multiples but I was very honest with them that I could afford to pay the highest cost instate option or the same amount to any other school they wanted. They applied to a variety of schools and got enough merit offers from liberal arts schools that they were all pretty competitive. Ended up going in state but they always knew the limit and that I would not allow them to take out loans. Course we’re in VA so it’s very easy to find a great school here at a great price. I know that’s not the case everywhere.

Well I told my son I could not pay $80K/ yr that we would run out of $ after 2 years.

He didn’t care and went anyway.

After year1 he got a scholarship.

So it worked out.

If he listened to us he would have not gone to his top school.

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend is like this with his daughters who are in high school! He’s only saved fifty thousand per kid, makes 140k (so can’t pay as you go but also won’t get that much aid except at super wealthy top schools like Harvard) and is encouraging them to apply to privates that arent even all that great and don’t have tons of money for scholarships. I don’t get it. I can’t figure out if he is delusional or what.

I get applying to Harvard etc because they give grants to people at that level. But I don’t get why he’s encouraging them to apply to mediocre privates rather than encouraging state schools where they’d be able to graduate debt free or with maybe 20k in loans total.

I feel like he needs to tell them, “look, we can make state school happen financially, so apply to those, then apply to some privates if you want, but just be aware that you’ll have to get aid for those and you may or may not get enough aid.”

Just warn them rather than leaving them in the dark! I think he thinks scholarships are going to fall out of the sky.

Is your boyfriend like this about everything? You know - does he stick his head in the sand to avoid difficult conversations or disappointing people and does he always engage in magical thinking? You don’t have to answer me…

My boyfriend is like this with his daughters who are in high school! He’s only saved fifty thousand per kid, makes 140k (so can’t pay as you go but also won’t get that much aid except at super wealthy top schools like Harvard) and is encouraging them to apply to privates that arent even all that great and don’t have tons of money for scholarships. I don’t get it. I can’t figure out if he is delusional or what.

I get applying to Harvard etc because they give grants to people at that level. But I don’t get why he’s encouraging them to apply to mediocre privates rather than encouraging state schools where they’d be able to graduate debt free or with maybe 20k in loans total.

I feel like he needs to tell them, “look, we can make state school happen financially, so apply to those, then apply to some privates if you want, but just be aware that you’ll have to get aid for those and you may or may not get enough aid.”

Just warn them rather than leaving them in the dark! I think he thinks scholarships are going to fall out of the sky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.

Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.

No, it was not expected. We learned with our first that the outcomes could be vastly different than predicted, so apply where you want and make the decision based on where you get in and the value proposition of each.