Anonymous wrote:I can find nice things to write about most kids, but recently a parent asked me to write a private school recommedation for a child who was difficult in class, was distracting to the learning of others, and didn't show any intellectual curiosity. It was a hard year with this kid, and the parents were not receptive to working as a team.

Is it acceptable to tell parents they should ask his previous year's English teacher instead? Knowing that teacher's experience, I don't think he would have more positive feedback.

It hurts my heart as a parent that a teacher could dislike my child so very much that she couldn’t even find a single positive thing to say about him. My children have had mostly amazing teachers but even the ones who were not my cup of tea had some positive attributes I could appreciate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of your teachers who have larger class sizes to deal with, write about what an angle the kid is and how they are a great, hard working, trouble free student. Let the private deal with the kid of kid that public school teachers are required to deal with.

OP here. That's what my boss said.

Not surprising that MCPS would want to pass the buck.

They should be providing appropriate supports and SMALL CLASS SIZES to help difficult students.

They should prioritize their budget for success for all.

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of your teachers who have larger class sizes to deal with, write about what an angle the kid is and how they are a great, hard working, trouble free student. Let the private deal with the kid of kid that public school teachers are required to deal with.

Please do not do this. I would either pass, and be honest to parent, or state you could provide a very generic letter.

--parent of a child who was asked to leave a private due to "non-academic" difficulties. I had no idea what his recs said. Looking back, it was the right move though I wish DS had never attended there.

Anonymous wrote:Just be general and the new school will be able to read between the lines.

This. There is always something you can write, even if it is just "Larlo is a student in a class I teach and has completed X # of assignments." After that, be creative in what you think about, but not in what you say. Can you comment positively about his enthusiasm for anything? Any good interactions with other students, staff, or a particular piece of work? Turned in assignments on time? Has a particular enthusiasm for some topic? Anything?

I wouldn't lie. I would find something to say. That is enough to make the situation clear and not immediately tank the application.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is a non-conformist who has a unique approach to learning and is not afraid to show it in class. Naturally social and extremely interested in his peers, making up for lost time spent isoldated during COVID. Had a more difficult time than some adjusting to being back in school but shows promise.

Maybe?

Life has been hard for a lot of kids, in case you haven't heard. We are spending lots of tax dollars finding out just how bad our kids' mental health issues are. Seriously, things have been painful for many, many children.

Life isn't any harder than its always been. Parents like you are too lazy to deal with your own kids problems and want the schools and others to handle the hard part of parenting, however some of it starts at home and only you can fix your home life. Teens have always struggled. Stop with the excused. Very few kids were actually isolating and kids have been in person school, except for a select few who choose virtual, so enough with the excuses already. I'm tired of the wasteful spending on the fake mental health programs that are probably doing more harm than good and taking away from academics.

You don't sound very nice.

I am very nice but instead of making excuses I actually do something. Try it. Kids don’t need fake support and excuses.

People are reporting ALL OVER THE PLACE that our youth are in big trouble. They are suffering mental health challenges that they weren't dealing with before the pandemic.

My kids did fine during the pandemic. But I work in a school. It has affected behavior in all grade levels. Don't you listen to the news? This is real. It is not business as usual. Being a hard-ass won't cure this.

Not PP you were replying to, but honestly that's a load of shite. Some students have genuine need for support, if their parent died or is handicapped, due to Covid-19 or something else. But the rest? No.
Americans are more sensitive to mental health burdens than they were before. It doesn't mean that burden has become more heavy, apart from the exception I just laid out, or that everyone has to suddenly excuse poor behavior. My kids experienced parental job loss, parental severe illness, way before the pandemic. One of my children was born premature and has lifelong handicaps from it, with an IEP at school, and struggles every day with medical and behavioral issues. Partly because of this he was in virtual until now. Did we ever lower our standards? No.

I strongly disagree with the idea that our youth are in big trouble. No. They need routines, and less screens and more exercise and less junk food. They need to learn academic rigor and delayed gratification. Just because everyone suddenly decides to check the "I've struggled with depressive thoughts at least once per week in the last year" box doesn't mean we're all depressed. It means that world events have made people slightly more self-aware than they used to be. Perhaps that's a good thing.

Most of these things happened before Covid and will after. You live in a bubble. You are right. Kids need to be parented.

Anonymous wrote:I can find nice things to write about most kids, but recently a parent asked me to write a private school recommedation for a child who was difficult in class, was distracting to the learning of others, and didn't show any intellectual curiosity. It was a hard year with this kid, and the parents were not receptive to working as a team.

Is it acceptable to tell parents they should ask his previous year's English teacher instead? Knowing that teacher's experience, I don't think he would have more positive feedback.

It sounds like this student was depressed and/or struggling with the content (or alternatively the content was too easy). I am a special ed teacher and I think viewed one way a lot of my students could be described this way (but it doesn't tell the whole story). What I know is that ALL kids have intellectual curiosity, but are not always curious about the specific curriculum we are teaching, or are able to demonstrate this well in the traditional settings. Maybe the parents are trying to find a setting where the child can leverage strengths better and have needs met better. Does this student have a special ed teacher or related services provider (speech, OT) who you could ask for input? In the absence of positive things to say or strengths to include (does the child have a good sense of humor, able to hyper-focus on a preferred activity, respond well to group projects, contribute to peer discussions, respond well to multi-sensory learning, thrive when given breaks and choice ?) Anything? Any specials or extracurricular teachers you could get some input from?

I know you don't want to spend hours and hours on this, but even the most difficult kid (or person) has strengths and potential even if it can be REALLY HARD at times to discover it and nurture it especially when you have many students to help. I think you could say that, in essence, "child would really thrive in a classroom with a low student to teacher ratio where their strengths can be nurtured."

Just be general and the new school will be able to read between the lines.

Anonymous wrote:I can find nice things to write about most kids, but recently a parent asked me to write a private school recommedation for a child who was difficult in class, was distracting to the learning of others, and didn't show any intellectual curiosity. It was a hard year with this kid, and the parents were not receptive to working as a team.

Is it acceptable to tell parents they should ask his previous year's English teacher instead? Knowing that teacher's experience, I don't think he would have more positive feedback.

The parents are doing their best to move him along to another school. Why would you want to stop them?

Anonymous wrote:Like said before, private schools often require current year English and math teacher letters. By refusing you are tanking his application. You don’t have to lie or gush. I’m sure your message will come through with what’s not said but I would focus on the positive and what he’s working on.

+1

Your reputation is more important than any single letter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is a non-conformist who has a unique approach to learning and is not afraid to show it in class. Naturally social and extremely interested in his peers, making up for lost time spent isoldated during COVID. Had a more difficult time than some adjusting to being back in school but shows promise.

Maybe?

Life has been hard for a lot of kids, in case you haven't heard. We are spending lots of tax dollars finding out just how bad our kids' mental health issues are. Seriously, things have been painful for many, many children.

Life isn't any harder than its always been. Parents like you are too lazy to deal with your own kids problems and want the schools and others to handle the hard part of parenting, however some of it starts at home and only you can fix your home life. Teens have always struggled. Stop with the excused. Very few kids were actually isolating and kids have been in person school, except for a select few who choose virtual, so enough with the excuses already. I'm tired of the wasteful spending on the fake mental health programs that are probably doing more harm than good and taking away from academics.

You don't sound very nice.

I am very nice but instead of making excuses I actually do something. Try it. Kids don’t need fake support and excuses.

People are reporting ALL OVER THE PLACE that our youth are in big trouble. They are suffering mental health challenges that they weren't dealing with before the pandemic.

My kids did fine during the pandemic. But I work in a school. It has affected behavior in all grade levels. Don't you listen to the news? This is real. It is not business as usual. Being a hard-ass won't cure this.

Not PP you were replying to, but honestly that's a load of shite. Some students have genuine need for support, if their parent died or is handicapped, due to Covid-19 or something else. But the rest? No.
Americans are more sensitive to mental health burdens than they were before. It doesn't mean that burden has become more heavy, apart from the exception I just laid out, or that everyone has to suddenly excuse poor behavior. My kids experienced parental job loss, parental severe illness, way before the pandemic. One of my children was born premature and has lifelong handicaps from it, with an IEP at school, and struggles every day with medical and behavioral issues. Partly because of this he was in virtual until now. Did we ever lower our standards? No.

I strongly disagree with the idea that our youth are in big trouble. No. They need routines, and less screens and more exercise and less junk food. They need to learn academic rigor and delayed gratification. Just because everyone suddenly decides to check the "I've struggled with depressive thoughts at least once per week in the last year" box doesn't mean we're all depressed. It means that world events have made people slightly more self-aware than they used to be. Perhaps that's a good thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is a non-conformist who has a unique approach to learning and is not afraid to show it in class. Naturally social and extremely interested in his peers, making up for lost time spent isoldated during COVID. Had a more difficult time than some adjusting to being back in school but shows promise.

Maybe?

Life has been hard for a lot of kids, in case you haven't heard. We are spending lots of tax dollars finding out just how bad our kids' mental health issues are. Seriously, things have been painful for many, many children.

Life isn't any harder than its always been. Parents like you are too lazy to deal with your own kids problems and want the schools and others to handle the hard part of parenting, however some of it starts at home and only you can fix your home life. Teens have always struggled. Stop with the excused. Very few kids were actually isolating and kids have been in person school, except for a select few who choose virtual, so enough with the excuses already. I'm tired of the wasteful spending on the fake mental health programs that are probably doing more harm than good and taking away from academics.

The Troll is strong in this one!

Like said before, private schools often require current year English and math teacher letters. By refusing you are tanking his application. You don’t have to lie or gush. I’m sure your message will come through with what’s not said but I would focus on the positive and what he’s working on.

Tell the parent you cannot write a glowing letter and that either it's a generic letter from you or they can ask someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is a non-conformist who has a unique approach to learning and is not afraid to show it in class. Naturally social and extremely interested in his peers, making up for lost time spent isoldated during COVID. Had a more difficult time than some adjusting to being back in school but shows promise.

Maybe?

Life has been hard for a lot of kids, in case you haven't heard. We are spending lots of tax dollars finding out just how bad our kids' mental health issues are. Seriously, things have been painful for many, many children.

Life isn't any harder than its always been. Parents like you are too lazy to deal with your own kids problems and want the schools and others to handle the hard part of parenting, however some of it starts at home and only you can fix your home life. Teens have always struggled. Stop with the excused. Very few kids were actually isolating and kids have been in person school, except for a select few who choose virtual, so enough with the excuses already. I'm tired of the wasteful spending on the fake mental health programs that are probably doing more harm than good and taking away from academics.

You don't sound very nice.

I am very nice but instead of making excuses I actually do something. Try it. Kids don’t need fake support and excuses.

People are reporting ALL OVER THE PLACE that our youth are in big trouble. They are suffering mental health challenges that they weren't dealing with before the pandemic.

My kids did fine during the pandemic. But I work in a school. It has affected behavior in all grade levels. Don't you listen to the news? This is real. It is not business as usual. Being a hard-ass won't cure this.