Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

I would have refused and I am very close to my siblings. It seems pretty entitled to even ask.

I see nothing entitled about asking a simple question. Hope others are more thoughtful, generous, and willing to help than you seem to be.

DP. I’m thoughtful, generous and willing to help. I’d be willing to carry a pregnancy for my sibling. I’d make a monetary gift if funds were an issue. I’d provide plenty of emotional and practical support. But I’m not donating eggs to anyone because I don’t think I could step back and treat that child like they were just my sibling’s or cousin’s child. I’m not sure I could have a healthy relationship with the child or my relative (child’s parent). I wouldn’t decline because I’m unwilling to help; I would decline because I think the experience would negatively impact my familial relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

I would have refused and I am very close to my siblings. It seems pretty entitled to even ask.

I see nothing entitled about asking a simple question. Hope others are more thoughtful, generous, and willing to help than you seem to be.

Puke!! This is all kinds of messed up. I agree that you should not ask family members for their genetic material. They don’t want to be a parent.

I had a cousin use one of their cousins (DE). It works out just fine and they have a special summer trip they do all together every summer. I really just think it depends on the specific people involved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

I would have refused and I am very close to my siblings. It seems pretty entitled to even ask.

I see nothing entitled about asking a simple question. Hope others are more thoughtful, generous, and willing to help than you seem to be.

Anonymous wrote:I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

I would have refused and I am very close to my siblings. It seems pretty entitled to even ask.

I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was a donor for his wife's wife. Everything has been fine. No issues. Kids are grade school age.

You mean ex-wife…?

Or she switched teams?

Anonymous wrote:My husband was a donor for his wife's wife. Everything has been fine. No issues. Kids are grade school age.

You mean ex-wife…?

My husband was a donor for his wife's wife. Everything has been fine. No issues. Kids are grade school age.

Lesbian PP here. There are a number of lawyers, as well as therapists, in the DC area specializing in known sperm donor family planning. You can reach out to Rainbow Families for a list and information (of course it is LGBT focused but will still be relevant to you).

Anonymous wrote:We are a lesbian couple and used a known donor and very happy with the choice. Anonymous is fine too but I don’t trusr banks to do proper due diligence on their donors. If you go through a Fertility clinic for the IVF/IUI and work with a lawyer the risks are minimal. A lot of people saying otherwise do not actually know anything about this process.

Congrats on your parenthood!

OP - you might consider all the voices here, then do your own research. Especially legal.

Your plan could work. Assuming the cousin is interested, we’re you considering IVF, IUI, or natural?

Single mom by choice here. I used an anonymous donor. No one is getting legal access to my kid.

We are a lesbian couple and used a known donor and very happy with the choice. Anonymous is fine too but I don’t trusr banks to do proper due diligence on their donors. If you go through a Fertility clinic for the IVF/IUI and work with a lawyer the risks are minimal. A lot of people saying otherwise do not actually know anything about this process.

I will go against the majority here and encourage you to use an in-family donor.

Of course there are risks. But isn’t everything a risk? Besides the reward here is great! And it’s good to “keep it in the family” in this case since the DNA will at least be similar to your husbands.

Single Mom by Choice. I used an anonymous donor though I have a friend who used a friend (he didn't want children of his own to raise). They drew up a legal agreement and I think he rarely sees the kids. How close is your husband to this cousin. It could put them in a possible awkward situation. And even with a legal agreement, you never know what could go wrong.

Have you been on any donor sperm sites. You can get full medical history, pictures, essays, etc.