If he says the issues are all yours, would he support you going to counselling on your own. A safe place for you to discuss what you are going through while you develop a plan for leaving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should separate. Say you can't live this way. Try living on your own. See what happens. Maybe he will come around. Maybe he won't. You have a young child. Doesn't matter what school system they are in but they do need a stable house situation. There is no need to divorce right now.

OP here. I cannot afford an apartment on top of childcare and our mortgage. Until kids are school age I won’t have the income to do this….

See a lawyer and sell the house. The crappiest apartment would beat this assuming you can feed, clothe and provide electricity.

You don’t go to marriage counseling with an abuser. Seek help from your local domestic violence organization. Even if you are not ready to leave now, they can help you plan ahead, think about strategies to get through each day, etc.

And this guy definitely sounds like he could end up being violent. Does he ever throw anything, hit the wall, etc?

No one is suggesting counseling because from the way you describe it, he's not interested in changing. I'm so sorry, OP. This truly sounds awful for you and the 2? or 3? children. Is this new behavior or did it predate your pregnancy/childbirth of the last one? Can your parents or other family members help you? In an ideal world, his parents, who do seem supportive, would take him aside and kick some sense into him.

I agree with everyone else who says you need to remove yourself and your children from this rage-aholic.

Are you medicated? I’m not excusing his behavior, but I have ADHD (as does my DD) and I know how frustrating it can be for a spouse. It sounds like the stress of parenting is overwhelming you. If you aren’t going to marriage counseling or leaving him - the thing you can control is yourself. Go on medication and get an executive functioning coach.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up as the child in a house like this. We lived in the “best” neighborhood in our area and I went to the “best” schools. My mom couldn’t afford those things on her own, so she didn’t leave my dad.

I really wish she had.

I know I’m just an anonymous person on a message board, but since you took the time to write this it’s clearly on your mind. Please reconsider whether you need to stay married.

Minus the money, this was my childhood. Like another poster said, it can result in severe anxiety for the kids. As an adult, my friend's husband came home from work, and I realized I had been holding my breath to see what kind of mood he was in. When he acted like he always does, I felt a sigh of relief and then realized how messed up it was.

Anonymous wrote:Why were you going together to the pediatrician during a workday? That's a little unusual.

Do you have a pediatrician who sees patients at nights and on weekends? Please share!

Why were you going together to the pediatrician during a workday? That's a little unusual.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should separate. Say you can't live this way. Try living on your own. See what happens. Maybe he will come around. Maybe he won't. You have a young child. Doesn't matter what school system they are in but they do need a stable house situation. There is no need to divorce right now.

OP here. I cannot afford an apartment on top of childcare and our mortgage. Until kids are school age I won’t have the income to do this….

Can you go to your parents house?

Anonymous wrote:This is abuse. Talk to the abuse hotline, talk to a lawyer. Good luck.

+1

Tell him to shut up! Who made him king of the house?? If you don’t want to yell back, walk away without speaking, get out of the house, etc and go visit an attorney to find out your rights. Your mental health is at stake.

You need to stop having sex with him. Avoid him as much as possible.

This describes my husband. I did not leave and my daughter has severe anxiety body issues depression. Related to verbal abuse from father and his verbal abuse to me. Make a plan to leave it will only get worse and then it will be harder on your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I think you should separate. Say you can't live this way. Try living on your own. See what happens. Maybe he will come around. Maybe he won't. You have a young child. Doesn't matter what school system they are in but they do need a stable house situation. There is no need to divorce right now.

OP here. I cannot afford an apartment on top of childcare and our mortgage. Until kids are school age I won’t have the income to do this….

I think you should separate. Say you can't live this way. Try living on your own. See what happens. Maybe he will come around. Maybe he won't. You have a young child. Doesn't matter what school system they are in but they do need a stable house situation. There is no need to divorce right now.