Your vacation sounds like a lot of people in the house too. Some people prefer a lower key week.

You are a drama queen. Please count yourself lucky that your adult son and DIL want to take a vacation. Rather than understanding that different people have different preferences (and they have accommodated you year after year after year after . . . ), you jump to the beach being "awful." they gave you a year notice and even invited you along and offered to pay. The only thing you need to "process" is that your son is an adult and now an equal to you on how he spends his time and money.

There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

OP, honestly you sound selfish. Is that hard to understand that they prefer something different? If you read these boards, a lot of posters don’t have great relationships with the ILs. They are giving you plenty of notice and offering to pay. That is more than I would do for my MIL.

Going to the same place for decades sounds mind-numbing, no matter how luxurious it is. Other people are allowed to have their own prefer. Don’t make a big issue if your children want some change.

As your adult children marry and have kids of their own, they'll want to start their own traditions too. Beach vacation every year is not their cup of tea. You need to be more flexible and not fixated on keeping YOUR tradition.

1. Your husband is in his 60s, and still "indispensable" on the front line of a pool company? Hmmm.

2. Your kids have the right to change their minds more than a year in advance.

3. Vacations in the same spot for decades? Torture, OP, torture.

4. You do not have priority. "Tradition" is meaningless.

Anonymous wrote:Just go to the beach like you want, your kids will learn mountains are not as fun and will be back next year.

LOL. Nope! Beach sucks and gets buggier and grosser every year. And the people get trashier and trashier. We go to wine country and to the Redwoods and the mountains. You can keep your Boardwalk trash.

i agree, i don't really want to go to the same place every year.

most everyone has limited vacation days.

if your DH is the owner, he should have someone that can run things for an extra week now and then.

Anonymous wrote:Who said a free week at the beach is awful? Giving you more than a year’s notice that they would like some variety next year and offering to pay themselves sounds beyond reasonable and accommodating.

+1 I'm not sure why it's "a lot to process" when they're giving you more than a year's heads up AND taking the financing off your plate. Sure, you like the beach, but you've also been 40 times. Do you like the beach more than you like vacationing with your son/DIL/grandkids? Because that's the calculus.

If you don't want to change your plans, ever, I guess that's your prerogative. But you shouldn't decide to interpret this as an attack or an unwarranted complaint when it clearly is not.

Anonymous wrote:Why not alternate years for picking the location?

+1

Honestly is nice of them to be willing to take a vacation with you every single summer. I really like my husband’s family but we go on a beach vacation with them every other summer. Every summer would be too much for me but we do see them through out the year. It’s not their only time with my kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are offering to pay. They are willing to include you. That's nice.

Do you get that not everyone adores the beach each and every year? After about two days of nonstop bugs and sand everywhere, I'm over it. I think a mountain resort sounds lovely. People like a change of pace. Not everyone like We Do This Tradition Every Year.

+1

I love the beach, but my redheaded children hate it because of the sun. Not everyone likes the same thing.

OP, your son and DIL are handling this very well and you should respond in kind, as a fellow adult. Also, FYI: You are not in charge. You are on equal footing with your adult children.

This. It's easy to forget that when your kids get married that you aren't in charge of them anymore. You're equals.

Anonymous wrote:Why not alternate years for picking the location?

+1

OP is your son proposing that your SIL/nephew and daughter/family also go to the mountain location?

How lovely that they are still including you in their plans and offering to pay! That's amazing, actually--they are being so kind and showing how much they value you.

It seems that your DH should be able to weigh in on how he spends his vacation time, if it's really that limited in the summer that he couldn't do two trips. Could he do 1/2 week at the beach or at the mountains and still do the other one for a full week?

I know that it's normal to have traditions that are special but sometimes the thing that allows them to survive is to relax a bit and let them make their own choices. They may find they miss the beach and want to go back to it next year. Or *you* may fall in love with the mountains!

But if I were you I'd mostly try to focus on the huge compliment it is that they asked you to come along with them!

I hate the beach, OP. I tried the summer of 2020 because we didn't know what to do the first year of the pandemic. It was just as miserable as I remembered from my childhood days on French, Spanish and Greek beaches.

I'm a mountain person too. My favorite vacations are Alpine. We rent a chalet, put the kids in horseback riding camps, go mountain climbing, it's so much fun and you get fresh, cool mountain air and no mosquitoes.

Your son and DIL are nice enough to pay. You can either decline or accept, but please stop assuming that your preferences should take priority over other people's. Seniority and tradition do not matter at all in this regard.