It's good you are noticing this now. The people I know who are like this usually have had some trauma or parent issues and have developed personality disorders.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do crave attention so maybe that explains it. I wish there were a way to help myself stop being this way without therapy.

Why don't you want to do therapy? You hate a part of yourself and you are actively trying to hide that trait from someone you are dating. Therapy is great for this sort of thing. But you have to be willing to take a true look at yourself.

I simply can’t afford a good out of network therapist (I’ve done some research and all the good ones appear to not take insurance). I’ve had a host of health issues this past year that have left me in significant debt.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you are really trying. I commend you for that. Just keep at it.

The first step towards change is self-awareness. You’re halfway there!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do crave attention so maybe that explains it. I wish there were a way to help myself stop being this way without therapy.

Why don't you want to do therapy? You hate a part of yourself and you are actively trying to hide that trait from someone you are dating. Therapy is great for this sort of thing. But you have to be willing to take a true look at yourself.

Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Classic.

A narcissist wouldn’t have enough self-awareness to notice this about herself or admit that she’s bothered by it. OP is not a narcissist.

I have some family members who love being victims. My take is they didn’t get enough attention as children and crave attention now. I’m the opposite- I hate to be pitied in any way. I had a parent die when I was young and it awful hearing everyone whisper about how sorry they felt for me. Their pity confirmed how sad my situation was. I combatted this by striving to be envied. I might have a sad home life, but by golly, I was one of the smartest, most beautiful and well-dressed girls at school. I had the best jewelry and handbag collection. I might have a big hole in my life but the other girls all envied me, at least on the surface.

Yes your parents were neglectful so you seek attention and that's your favorite type of attention.

What on earth is actively trying to get married mean? This will not end well unless you get yourself together. Every person should be mentally equipped to spend the rest of their lives single.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Classic.

OP here. Why do you say that? I feel like I am subordinating myself when I complain to others, not that I'm better than them. I am seeing a guy I really like and am terrified he will see this aspect of my personality.

NP, and agree with pp. You want the attention, at any cost. It fills you up and you feel energized by the attention.

Also to add, it seems like a form of manipulation - you're gearing the conversation so that you get the attention you want. That is a form of manipulation. It's good that you seem open to being self aware, so that's a first step to correcting the narcissism and manipulation.

OP here. I have no intent to manipulate though. I clearly express my feelings, so I don’t really “gear” the conversation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Classic.

OP here. Why do you say that? I feel like I am subordinating myself when I complain to others, not that I'm better than them. I am seeing a guy I really like and am terrified he will see this aspect of my personality.

NP, and agree with pp. You want the attention, at any cost. It fills you up and you feel energized by the attention.

Also to add, it seems like a form of manipulation - you're gearing the conversation so that you get the attention you want. That is a form of manipulation. It's good that you seem open to being self aware, so that's a first step to correcting the narcissism and manipulation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Classic.

OP here. Why do you say that? I feel like I am subordinating myself when I complain to others, not that I'm better than them. I am seeing a guy I really like and am terrified he will see this aspect of my personality.

NP, and agree with pp. You want the attention, at any cost. It fills you up and you feel energized by the attention.

You sound like you are really trying. I commend you for that. Just keep at it.

OP here. I do crave attention so maybe that explains it. I wish there were a way to help myself stop being this way without therapy.

You like attention and trust that that type of attention will be kind attention.

It’s great to be self aware and try to improve yourself. I would seek out a therapist so you can be your best self when you meet the right person and maintain existing relationships.

Anonymous wrote:Misery lives company....human nature that's been around for centuries

I agree. That’s what it seems like OP is doing.

Anonymous wrote:Misery lives company....human nature that's been around for centuries

"loves" ^^